'AITA for wanting to leave my fiancé over my future mother-in-law's bizarre behavior?'

"AITA for wanting to end my engagement over my future mother-in-law's bizarre behavior?"

So, I (31F) am engaged to my fiancé, Evan (31M). We’ve been together for four years, engaged for eight months, and for the most part, I love him deeply. He’s funny, loyal, and when it’s just us, everything feels right. But there’s one massive problem—his mother, Diane (60F).

I don’t even know how to start explaining her without sounding like I’m exaggerating, because if you haven’t lived through a “toxic boy mom,” it honestly sounds fake. Diane acts like she’s in some bizarre, romantic competition with her own sons. She has two: Evan and his older brother, Kyle (34M).

From day one, I noticed the weirdness. She’d say things like, “Oh, I’ll always be Evan’s first love!” or “No one will ever understand him like I do.” She’s called him “her little man” even now, in his 30s. She’ll sit in his lap during holidays if there aren’t enough chairs. She’s overly touchy, clingy, and sometimes straight-up possessive.

I used to think it was just…cringe mom behavior, you know? Like the kind of smothering affection some moms never grow out of. But over the years, it’s felt more deliberate, more competitive. She’ll “jokingly” insult me in front of him, and it’s not like Evan is blind to it. He used to call her out—like, actually tell her to stop being weird or disrespectful—and I’d feel supported.

But lately? It’s like he’s tired of dealing with her, so he’s started saying, “That’s just how she is.” A few weeks ago, Kyle and his wife, Marissa (26F), had their wedding. I couldn’t attend because of work, but I just saw the photos when Kyle and Marissa shared their digital album and a few photos other family members took in the family group chat.

I’m not even joking when I say the photos looked like Diane’s wedding, not Marissa’s. Diane wore a long, fitted gown. White. With sage green lace detailing so she could apparently claim she wasn’t “exactly wearing white.” The way she was styled, she looked like she was the one walking down the aisle. Everyone else wore dark formal colors, so she stood out even more.

And then I saw the picture. Kyle and Marissa were at the altar taking family photos, Diane—who was in the middle gave Kyle a kiss—on the lips. Kyle didn’t even look caught off guard, like this was normal and Marissa? You could see the horror on her face before she started like, awkwardly smiling.

It wasn’t a family cheek kiss or a forehead kiss. It looked wrong. Hell, other people and guests were clearly uncomfortable—you could see it in the guests’ faces in the background. Marissa was too kind to say anything publicly, but Kyle’s been weirdly quiet since.

And now, every time I picture my own wedding day, I can’t stop thinking of those photos. I know Diane will do something—she’ll wear white, or make a scene, or turn every camera toward herself. She’ll find a way to ruin my one day to feel special.

The worst part? I don’t know how to bring it up to Evan anymore. Sometimes, he’s totally reasonable—like he’ll admit his mom crosses lines and promise to set boundaries. But other times, he just shuts down completely. He’ll say, “That’s my mother. Stop,” and then refuse to talk to me until I apologize for “disrespecting” her. It’s like flipping a switch.

I’m not trying to make him choose between us, but I can’t spend my life competing with his mom for his attention. I don’t want to be watching my own wedding photos in a year, seeing her in a white gown, clinging to him, smiling like she’s the bride.

It’s reached the point where I’ve started wondering if I should just…end it. Not because I don’t love him, but because I don’t think he’ll ever put me first. And if I can’t even talk about my concerns without being made to feel like the bad guy, what happens when we’re married. So I’m asking you, WIBTA if I end it?

TL;DR: My future MIL acts like she’s in love with her sons. She wore white to her older son’s wedding, kissed him on the lips in front of everyone, and constantly undermines me. My fiancé sometimes defends me but sometimes shuts me down when I bring her up. I’m terrified she’ll ruin our wedding, and I’m wondering if I’d be the asshole for calling off the engagement because I can’t deal with her anymore.

This is what people had to say to OP:

JadieJang said:

YES, end it. It's sad, but you'll never get space from her bc he won't stand up to her.

Responsible-Fudge520 said:

NTA. You are allowed to have boundaries and this is a reasonable one. You need to talk to your partner and explain this makes you uncomfortable. You need to explain that you can not continue this pattern and it isn’t healthy. His reaction will let you know where to go from there.

He will either want to find a way forward with you, or get defensive. If he gets defensive you are going to be fighting an uphill batter the rest of your life. Good luck.

Severe_Ad7761 said:

Sit down with him and yall look through his brother's wedding photos. Pause on the one you described and ask him if this is what you have to look forward to. His mother kissing him while you and ALL YOUR GUESTS look on in horror. If he still says the same thing and you decide to stay with him, good luck to you being the other woman in your relationship.

LifeguardHuman2922 said:

I would try one honest and good conversation before ending it. But I agree, you’re NTA for wanting to leave. That’s disgusting behavior and he needs to stop enabling her. Wtf happened to this ladies husband? Doesn’t he check her?

And RelevantLeg73 said:

NTA, run girl—RUN!