Sibling tensions explode as older sister tries to abandon younger sister at airport alone. AITA?
"AITA for attempting to leave my sister at the airport when we were traveling together without telling her I was leaving, knowing she would freak out?"
Silver-Chard-7858
My sister (20F) and I (23F) traveled to a wedding together. We attended nearby colleges and would hang out but we haven’t been close since high school. I can objectively say that my sister doesn’t like me because she admitted it.
When she was still in high school she said “I changed” and hated how excited my mom be when I came home and took it out on me. We worked it out but I think she still doesn’t like me.
It was a stressful trip & we were both tired but she has a vitriolic way of speaking to me that she doesn’t to anyone else. We hashed out a fight before we got on the plane home but got into another after I asked to do laundry at her dorm and she declined.
This enraged me because I would often do her laundry for her at my college house as a favor because she didn’t want to do it herself. My sister doesn't know how/won’t do things sometimes because my parents or I will do them for her, an example being traveling long distances alone. I hate giving in but often do to keep the peace.
We got into another fight about getting back from the airport; I wanted to take the train because it’s cheaper and she wanted to Uber because it was late and she was tired.
I remarked that if I was alone I would just take the train and she lost it. She hates when I give her advice and thinks that I’m being condescending. We used to joke around a lot but now she takes everything I say as an offense.
We deplaned and I beelined for the bathroom, deciding to take the train & she can just Uber alone. I know this is mean spirited but she’s an adult and I didn’t want to be around her anymore so I just left while she was still in the bathroom.
She repeatedly called me and I didn’t answer until I reached the train shuttle, saying I’m just doing what she told me to do during our argument and taking the train alone. She starts panicking and says that she’ll come with me on the train so I finally relent and tell her how to get to me.
I still don’t want anything to do with her but she yells at me on the shuttle and sits next to me on the train and starts crying. She finally says that she “was going to apologize when we got out of the bathroom but now she’ll never forgive me.”
It’s a quick Uber ride from the train but hers doesn’t come so I let her in mine and add a stop to get her home. I was supposed to sleep at her dorm but stayed with a friend instead to avoid her until my train home tomorrow since I flew with her instead of an airport closer to home. I’m not speaking to her still; our dad was awake and I told him I’m not talking to her until my parents make her go to therapy.
I’m going to hold firm because I’ve had enough and she’s just going to keep resenting me and treating me like shit unless something changes. Maybe this will be enough to shake things up so she can work through her feelings towards me alone but either way, I don’t want anything to do with her while she hates me so much. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Cursd818
NTA. You're not a punching bag for her wild mood swings and attacks. You are right that she needs therapy, but to be honest, you can never be close with her again. In her mind, you're solidified as a punching bag she can abuse and manipulate, and no amount of therapy will undo that, only help her manage it and not treat others the same way.
Reiterate to your parents that you're done. You will never travel with her again, you will not have more than a surface level interaction with her again. And it's HER fault, not yours. Then, move on with your life.
Super_Reading2048
This. Also OP please go to therapy yourself. If your parents or family try to blame you for you being done with taking your sister’s abuse be prepared to go LC with them for awhile.
DontAskMeChit
NTA. It is strange that your sister hates you but is dependent upon you at the same time. She does need therapy to work out whatever is going on.
MuchIndependence435
ESH: You are not responsible for your sister but your an AH for the mixed signals. Either put your foot down or give in.
Ukelele-in-the-rain
YTA you suck at stating and most importantly KEEPING the boundaries so in the end you just send mixed messages. Instead of squabbling with her, you could have just backed off and tell her you were going to take the train and she can follow or not.
What you did was slink off and you didn’t even maintain it, in the end you still engaged and helped her get to you. And then again helped her with the Uber. It’s not on your parents to insist anything.
Yes they should help their kid (your sister) but you have your own part to play. Why did you agree to come to this airport rather than one near your home? You’re both being messy as hell and she’s not the only one with issues.
IncessantLearner
YTA. Not for insisting that she and the family stop relying on you to enable your sister’s helplessness, but for sneaking away from her at the airport. In order to give yourself a moment alone and regain control of the situation, you created panic and damaged your reputation in the process.
You need to set boundaries appropriately. Refuse to be her travel buddy or to do her laundry. Stop giving in to keep the peace. It’s not working. Find a way to calm yourself even when others are upset.
When we are upset, our ability to make decisions is greatly diminished, as if we were drunk or far less intelligent. These spur of the moment reactions can add to the drama and stress. You may benefit from some therapy to help you handle family relationships.