'AITA for leaving a wedding early after the bride and groom refused to change the seating chart?'

"AITA for confronting the bride and groom at the wedding over the seating chart, and leaving early when they refused to change it?"

My FIL got married a few weeks ago, but they just returned from their honeymoon, and I've heard through the grapevine that they think i am an a$$hole.

At the wedding we were put at the same table as my husband's mom, who we have not spoken to in three years. There was never a formal big no contact, she just stopped answering messages and stopped reaching out. My husband checked her social media once to make sure she was alive. She was alive and well, so we felt like fine if she wants to ignore us the relationship can just be over.

We haven't heard from her since, she hasn't met the baby, and it was sad for my husband for a little while, but he is over it. We expected her to be at the wedding but were surprised that she was seated next to us because FIL knows about the estrangement. MIL looked uncomfortable for a little while, but relaxed and was just ignoring us, but I could tell how uncomfortable my husband was.

I went up to the head table and asked FIL and the bride why we were next to MIL (I did congratulate them first) FIL looked like he was trying really hard not to smile and said to ask the bride, she did the seating chart. She said it is just normal to put people with people they know.

I asked if we could be moved because she was making my husband so uncomfortable. FIL asked what she was doing and I admitted nothing, and he told us to leave him alone and stop bothering them at their wedding.

I went back to the table. At this point my husband isn't even eating because he is stressed and MIL is twisted all the way around in her chair so she doesn't have to look at us and I just snapped and told my husband that we shouldn't stay when we have been disrespected and if his dad wanted us there he wouldn't have put us at that table.

MIL's husband was like you know we can hear you @$$holes, but I ignored him and asked my husband if he wanted to leave. He agreed and we went, but I heard that FIL and his wife were talking bad about us to MIL after we left and saying we are selfish, and MIL said we are hypocrites because we didn't care about her happiness at our wedding (I don't know what she meant by that)

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

EvilGreebo said:

You did this at the wedding? The MIL was ignoring the circumstances and being a good guest. You were 100% YTA. If your husband couldn't stand the situation you should have made some kind of polite excuse and left. Holy hell.

Letsgobrandon202 said:

You don’t go up to the bride and groom AT THE RECEPTION to complain about the seating chart. YTA unless they knew you didn’t speak to her, then ESH.

[deleted] said:

NTA. I don't think youn handled it super well - asking the bride and groom to change seats in the middle of the reception dinner was a bit rediculous. Unrealistic and kind of self important. But - leaving was the right choice. I just think you should have bowed out without causing a scene. You could have addressed the weird choice after the wedding.

Also your husband's whole family sounds pretty emotionally unhealthy and I hope he's in therapy to help grieve and learn to process things in healthy way - since he can't have learned many useful tools from the people who raised him.

PurpleWinter7 said:

ESH. The married couple, especially the bride for having u seated next to people you are clearly estranged from and feel uncomfortable around.

And you for not waiting until after the wedding. I can see why they would not want to be bothered with the seating chart during their wedding day. Maybe they could do it on purpose so you'd start drama and look like bad entitled guests but you fell right into the trap if that's the case.

[deleted] said:

NTA So FIL knows why MIL cut contact with him, isn’t allowed to tell you guys, and then choose to purposely seat you next to each other?

Sounds like FIL is just fueling the drama, and MIL is making everything about her at the expense of you two.

OP responded:

They got along until he met me and she didn't like me. There was some minor fighting and then she just stopped speaking to us one day. FIL claims he knows why but isn't allowed to tell us. He is implied something hurt her feelings and in his opinion it was dumb on both sides

Sweet_Persimmon_492 asked:

What was this “minor fighting?”

OP responded:

her making digs at my cooking or how I dressed, her wanting him and not wanting to invite me and then being cold, I called out some jokes that weren't funny because they were classist or weird and said it made me uncomfortable and she thought I was an idiot for that, and then we set boundaries that since she doesn't respect me he wouldn't see her for her birthday or Christmas and that was the year she ghosted

dragon-queen said:

It sounds like she didn’t like you, and your husband stood up for you. All that is reasonable, and it’s good that he backed you up. But when you say he set boundaries and wouldn’t see her on her birthday or Christmas….that’s him pretty much cutting her out of his life. It sounds like that may have been the reasonable way to handle things, but he’s the one who ended the relationship, not her.

OP responded:

I kind of get that but he begged her, just please be more polite and accepting, I want you in my life, and MIL pretty much said all she needs is her marriage and her husband loves her for who she is and she would never change for anyone.

He said I want to see you next year for Christmas if you can be respectful, and MIL said F Christmas she wants to lay in bed with her husband all day and she doesn't like me anyways (which was also a lie she spent Christmas with her ex)

Due-Faithlessness said:

ESH. I'm assuming FIL and MIL are exes. It might have seemed like a reasonable decision to put you guys together--who else is your ex and the mother of your children going to sit with at your wedding? If FIL knew about the estrangement then ESH.

It was completely unreasonable to confront the bride and groom *during the wedding*. You immediately went for the nuclear option instead of trying to get the event staff to move you or just leaving. You might get some weird N T A votes because reddit has a hardon for being as confrontational as possible, but this was a medium stakes conflict that you unnecessarily turned into a high stakes one

And OP responded:

FIL does know about the estrangement. MIL is married, so wherever she sat she at least would have had her husband. Her and FIL hang out a lot, so I would guess she knows at least a few of his friends, but maybe not

Any thoughts??