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'AITA for leaving and ghosting my fianceé after I found out she cheated?' UPDATED

'AITA for leaving and ghosting my fianceé after I found out she cheated?' UPDATED


"WIBTA for leaving and ghosting my fianceé after I found out she cheated?"

I(28M) have found out that my fiancee(30F) of 2 years cheated on me. We have been together for 6 years and in-love with each other. At least that's how it was for me. She has been acting more distant and became more protective of her phone for the last 2 months. At first, I was not suspicious of anything but the doubt grew more and more inside me as the time passed.

Especially after asking her if there was a problem since she felt distant. She said there is no problem and that was it. I gave in and snooped on her phone to discover she has been texting a guy for the last 2 months. I was devastated. At the beginning of our relationship I clearly told her lying and cheating in any form are the two unforgivable actions for me.

Yet, she decided to cheat on me after 5 years of relationship and we had been planning the wedding for this summer. I am not proud of that but I checked the old messages as well but there was no case of cheating other than this.

I have been thinking about it for the last few days. I tried to rationalize it and told myself I cannot be leaving a 6 years relationship because of a single mistake but after having a long talk with my oldest sister, I realized that I should respect myself and leave. She was the one who betrayed the relationship, not me.

We do not have any shared assets and lease is on my fiancee's name. I have an inherited house but it's in another city. Tomorrow, I am planning to just get important things from the house, block her from everywhere and just leave. I do not want closure to be honest. I just want to grieve the relationship. I thought maybe I did not love her given that I want to leave her right away but it's not like that.

It hurts a lot. I tend to stress eat, doom scroll and spiral into depression in these kinds of situations. I have that experience from my early 20s. By going no contact and returning back to the city where my family lives will give me a circle that can support me. WIBTAH if I straight up left and ghosted her without saying anything?

What do you think? This is what some of the top commenters had to say:

Wintroza said:

You should heavily consider to share them with important parties such as your ex's parents. Otherwise they might harass you or spread vile lies that your ex might tell them to save face.

Remember that it's easier to explain your side before people are filled with rage/doubts about your character. It really sucks to hear what you are going through. I wish you the best of luck navigating it all.

OP replied:

It might create legal problems though.

Superb_Trifle513 said:

I second all the comments that call for you to keep screenshots as evidence. If you do go ahead with ghosting, the likelihood is that without explanation from you, she's going to play the poor, abandoned fiancée and claim she has no clue why you've left. This way, if you have proof, she can't play the victim and turn you into some sort of monster.

I wouldn't personally ghost, I would have at least a conversation, even if it was only to very firmly say "I'm leaving and I want nothing to do with you. Do not contact me or my family" and then I would make sure they know why, however I can't judge you for just wanting to get out immediately. NTA.

OP replied:

I have the screenshot texts. I do not think she would be able to victimize herself here.

butterlytea said:

NTA sure an explanation would be “nice” but who cares about being nice at this point. Also I’m sure you don’t want to hear her excuses/lies. Leaving this way might be for the best if you guys need closure that can be done in the future. You can only go from here! Good luck

OP replied:

Yes. The main thing is that I do not want to hear lies and excuses. She cheated and that's it for me. It does not matter why after that.

The next day, OP shared this update:

Firstly, I will not spread screenshots on social media or anywhere. That's illegal and a low-blow. It's a private thing and I am not planning to use these unless she plays dirty.

One of my sisters came early in the morning to take me after my fiancee left for the work and we packed some small things. As the lease is on her name, I do not have furnitures and stuff. We packed clothes, accessories and other small and personal things. Her car is an SUV type so we were able to fit most of the required things thankfully. I could not take the ring though.

I left the keys under the flower pot and put a sticky on the refrigerator saying "I know, bye". Drive took about 7 hours and we safely arrived to the inherited house. On the ride I received countless messages and calls from unknown numbers but did not answer. Once we arrived at the home, eldest sister called me asking if we arrived.

She told me fiancee called her crying around 3pm and my sister told her not to contact me, we know everything and if she tries to paint me bad in anyway we would not use only words but do not back away from showing solid proofs to people. Fiancee requested to know where I am and speak to me. My sister said I am fine and she should not contact me in any form.

When fiancee said we at least deserve a closure, my sister replied "too bad, suck it up"(not exactly that but that's how I would translate that idiom) and ended the call. I still get calls and messages from unknown numbers. In the end her father and mother called me.

Surprisingly, my fiancee came clean to them and while they hoped me to give a chance to her, they respected my decision. I thanked them and wished best of luck. Her father told me he will be sending the ring's money and asked me for my bank account. He actually sent it by adjusting to inflation so I got a pretty decent money.

The house is in an almost perfect condition as we renovated it before mom passed away. It's just incredibly dusty and dirty after not being used since then. My 3 sisters will come this weekend and we'll clean it together. Eldest broke up with her girlfriend recently so she plans to live with me after her lease ends in few months. She has been complaining about the rent prices for a while.

My sisters are pretty much my only family so I only informed them with some really close friends. I am planning on going to therapy after settling here. It may sound weird how close I am with my sisters but we grew up like that. We grew up with an abusive father and as I was the only man & youngest one all of the physical and emotional abuse went towards me.

We bonded with each other through trauma and they tend to be a bit protective with me. I think that history is one of the reasons I just did not want to face my ex-fiancee. I thought I got over that considering nothing happened since family therapy we took but it seems to be there. I'll get into therapy as soon as possible to understand everything and resolve the problems.

I will post if there are any updates but I just hope there will not be any. I just want to have peace and grieve right now.


Seeker_ofLight said:

It sounds as if you are on the right path and have a good support system. Yay sisters for having your back!! Good luck!

OP replied:

Thank you! I did not know what I would do if my sisters weren't there.

Inevitable_Bunny109 said:

OP, I am so happy for you and good for you for getting out. I read your original post. Your message to her was perfect: short, sweet, and to the point.

OP replied:

Thank you! I tried to keep it as short as possible. Many people said it would be weird to disappear without a simple note so that's what I did.

usurpu said:

this was not an easy thing to go through, it's great that your family and her parents are supportive and understanding, she made the wrong choice and has to live with the consequences of her actions

OP replied:

Her parents are incredible people. I am glad they did not push for anything further.

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