'AITA for leaving before family dinner?' 'My mom didn’t cook anything my wife can eat.'
"AITA for leaving before dinner because my mom didn’t cook anything my wife can eat?"
I recently got married with my long term fiancée. She and my mom never really gotten along. I always hoped things would get better after the marriage. My mom invited us over for dinner, which was supposed to be our first meal as a married couple at her house.
Now, my wife is a vegan. She was a vegetarian before but switched to vegan a couple months ago. My mom KNOWS she’s a vegan. Despite that, my mom didn’t prepare a single vegan dish for her.
Except a soggy looking salad. Even the veggie soup, she added chicken broth to it, to make it “tastier.” The rest was all non-vegan stuff like mac and cheese, fried chicken, jambalaya, and banana pudding for dessert—all things my wife can't eat.
I told my mom we were going to leave before dinner since there was nothing for Olga (my wife) to eat. My mom said she could just pick the shrimp out of the jambalaya and eat the salad. I told her that’s not how it works.
Then she she start insisting the veggie soup was fine. I pointed out that it wasn’t vegan because of the chicken broth. Which according to my mom was “BS” She then asked Olga if can’t she just eat normally for one day.
My wife said no but she doesn’t mind just having the salad, but I knew she was just trying to save the day and was fed up with how my mom was treating her, so I thanked my mom and told her we were leaving.
My mom freaked out, she blamed us with being disrespectful, she said she spent hours cooking all that food for me. I told her that's the issue, she should’ve thought about Olga too. My mom said i was exaggerating because “it’s not like she’s allergic or anything." AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Even_Budget2078 said:
NTA. OP. OP. DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!!! You did the right thing. You stood up for your wife. Your mom's behavior is unwelcoming and extremely passive-aggressive (maybe just aggressive?). Importantly, and this is what I want you to focus on, your mom's behavior is these things only towards your wife.
I see that you are now feeling bad because your mom "spent hours cooking all the food" and I'm guessing because she made all that food for you. These are not things that weigh in your mom's favor or make you an AH. They are the PROBLEM. Please see this.
Don't fall directly into the trap your mom is setting! You saw it perfectly at the beginning. "I told her that's the issue, she should’ve thought about Olga too." Exactly!!! Yes!
Thank you for standing up for your wife! Thank you for seeing that your mom is trying to divide you guys and create a wedge! Don't undo all that good husband work by backtracking now.
Sweet_Cinnabonn said:
NTA. This was a marriage test, a husband test. Your mom was testing if you'll prioritize her feelings over your wife. She may not have even consciously known she was doing it, but it was still a test. You passed with flying colors.
HappySummerBreeze said:
Nta. You know the saying “start how you mean to go on." Which of you haven’t heard it before, means “set your standard from the very beginning” if you want people to respect and make it a habit to behave within certain limits.
It’s a great way to start a marriage. You expect yourself and your wife to be treated with kindness and consideration, and you will politely excuse yourself ANY TIME that isn’t occurring. If you do the hard work NOW while your mother is already adjusting to you being married, then it gets bundled into the same emotional work for her.
diminishingpatience said:
NTA. Your mother knew exactly what she was doing.
JumpyMaize4409 said:
NTA. This absolutely was a power play by your mum. She knew your wife would barely have anything to eat and was either trying to manipulate her into eating non-vegan food or was genuinely ok with her having nothing to eat. Both are extremely disrespectful and rude.
You did everything right by the sounds of it, had your wife’s back (without your wife having to awkwardly say something to your mum) and directly called out your mum, then followed through on leaving the meal so your wife wouldn’t be forced to sit through a meal she couldn’t eat. Your mum needs to apologize.
lovalilamarilla said:
NTA. Your mom knew your wife is vegan and still didn’t make anything substantial she could eat which feels like she wasn’t really being considerate of her as a guest, especially for a first family dinner as newlyweds.
Asking someone to “just eat normally” for one day or to pick things out of dishes that still aren’t vegan really dismisses their choices. Leaving was respectful of your wife’s needs, and if your mom wants to make these dinners positive experiences, she needs to start being mindful of everyone’s food choices
Charlie_Parkers_Mood said:
NTA. Your mother made a point to prepare dishes your wife couldn't eat, that was very deliberate. Whether this is a problem she has with your wife or with veganism doesn't really matter, she meant to be disrespectful.