'You’ll be single forever.' Bride’s cruel 'joke' pushes MOH to walk out mid-wedding. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for leaving my best friend’s wedding halfway through?"
I (25F) have been best friends with “Kara” (26F) since we were like 13. We’ve been through everything - high school drama, bad breakups, moving to different cities, all of it.
When she got engaged last year, I was genuinely thrilled for her. She asked me to be maid of honor, and I said yes without even thinking.
Now here’s where it gets messy.
Kara met her now-husband “Evan” about 3 years ago. I’ve never been his biggest fan, not because he’s done anything terrible to me personally, but because he has this way of subtly belittling Kara in front of people.
Like, she’ll tell a story and he’ll cut in with, “That’s not how it happened” or “You’re being dramatic.” I’ve brought it up to her before, gently, and she just says “That’s how we joke.” Fine. Whatever.
Leading up to the wedding, I was heavily involved. Planning the bachelorette, running errands, making sure she ate on the day-of because she was stressed as hell. The actual wedding day started fine, but little things piled up.
First, Kara’s mom pulled me aside in the morning and basically told me not to “outshine the bride” in any way. I was wearing the dress Kara picked, so that threw me off.
Then, at the reception, Evan gives his speech and thanks his brother, who he said "was basically the best man and maid of honor combined.” He didn’t mention me at all. I laughed it off because maybe it was just nerves, but I saw a couple people at my table give each other a look.
Later, during the bouquet toss, Kara “jokingly” aimed it directly at her cousin instead of tossing it normally, then turned to me and said, loud enough for people to hear, “Well, you’ll be single forever anyway.” Everyone laughed. I laughed too, but it kinda hurt.
The final straw was during the dancing. I was at the bar chatting with a mutual friend when Evan’s brother came up and said, “Hey, Kara told me to tell you not to hog the attention on the dance floor. You’re making her uncomfortable.” I hadn’t been dancing weird or anything, just normal wedding fun - but apparently me existing in her orbit was now a problem.
I went to find Kara to ask what the deal was, but she brushed me off with, “Can we not do this right now? It’s my day.” At that point, I felt like I was just… not wanted there.
I’d spent months helping plan this wedding, paid for travel, a dress, gifts, and here I was being treated like I was crashing the party. So I told her I wasn’t feeling well and left before dessert.
When I got home, my phone blew up with texts from Kara. At first it was “Where did you go??” then “I can’t believe you ditched my wedding” and finally “Everyone’s asking where my maid of honor went, do you know how bad this makes me look??”
I explained I felt unwelcome and she said I was being “selfish” and “making it about me” on her wedding day. I didn’t respond after that. Now a couple mutual friends are saying I overreacted and that weddings are stressful and people say things they don’t mean. So… AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA your “friend” is jealous as hell. The groom knows you don’t like him so he tried to throw subtle digs at you instead of Kara. She was probably on board with that because at least it wasn’t her this time. Either way they both suck and you’re better off without them. I don’t see their marriage going well.
NTA and good for you.
You should have replied asking her why it mattered since the best man was apparently already handling both roles and you were apparently just hogging up the dance floor anyway.
Besides, just because its "her" day doesn't give her or anyone else the right to demean you throughout. The MOH busting her ass to support the bride deserves a lot of respect from everyone -- especially the ungrateful, self-centered bride.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
After the wedding incident, I decided to take a step back from Kara completely. I didn’t block her, but I stopped initiating any contact. She eventually called me a few hours after I made the post, clearly trying to play the victim.
She said she “couldn’t believe” I left her wedding “over nothing” and that she’s “never been so humiliated by a friend.” I told her very calmly that I didn’t appreciate being told multiple times throughout her wedding day that I was “outshining” her when all I was doing was existing. I pointed out that I followed the dress code, danced like everyone else, and never once tried to make the event about me.
She tried to say it was just “banter” when she made that comment about me never getting married, but I reminded her that it wasn’t just that. It was her mom warning me before the wedding not to “steal the spotlight,” her sending her husband to tell me to stop dancing so much, and then blowing up my phone the moment I left.
I told her if she really believed I was stealing the spotlight simply by being there, then she needs to look inward and figure out why she feels so insecure. The conversation didn’t go well.
She accused me of being jealous of her marriage, which is laughable because I would never want to marry someone like her husband, who didn’t even have the decency to mention his wife’s best friend in his speech after a decade of friendship. I told her I don’t want to be in a friendship where I have to shrink myself to make her feel better.
We haven’t spoken since. From what I’ve heard through mutual friends, she’s been telling people that I “stormed out” of her wedding to cause drama. Luckily, most people were there and saw how ridiculous that is.
The comments on my original post really solidified that I wasn’t crazy for feeling humiliated. I’m glad I walked away, because if someone’s wedding is the peak of their self-esteem and they can’t handle anyone else existing in the same room, that’s their issue, not mine.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
She'll seek out her old friend when she wants emotional support throughout her divorce.
Honestly, I give it 2-3 years before she’s crying about how “you were the only real friend I ever had.” People who need to tear down friends to feel better about their wedding day are not built for a healthy marriage.
Yep!! Never remove jewels from your crown because it's too heavy for someone else to wear!
The fact that the husband and his brother were involved in this makes me wonder if the husband is working to isolate your ex-friend from her social circle by poisoning her relationships with lies and subtle attacks the same way he does to her.
Either way, she's an adult and has made her choice. Hopefully when she ends up friendless with a man dedicated to destroying her self esteem she'll smarten up before it's too late.
You’re clearly better off without any of those people in your life. Not even worth worrying about. Put it into the past and move forward.