'AITA for leaving my boyfriend’s office Christmas party after he repeatedly humiliated me in front of his coworkers?'
"AITA for leaving my boyfriend’s office Christmas party after he repeatedly humiliated me in front of his coworkers?"
This happened last weekend and I can’t stop thinking about it. My boyfriend (30M) invited me (28F) to his company’s Christmas dinner and I was excited but also nervous. I wanted to make a good impression so I spent a lot of time picking the perfect outfit, doing my hair, and ensuring I was presentable.
When we arrived everything seemed fine at first. I introduced myself to his coworkers and they were polite if not a little stiff. As the night went on though things took a turn.
During dinner my boyfriend made a joke about my job. I’m an event planner and he works in corporate finance. He said something like “She just plans parties for a living while I’m out here making real money.” People laughed but I felt a lump in my throat. I work hard and I’m proud of what I do so hearing him belittle me like that stung.
I tried to laugh it off to keep things light but then he doubled down. Someone asked me about my favorite event I’d planned and before I could answer he interrupted saying “Probably one of those kids’ birthday parties. That’s her level of expertise.” Everyone laughed again and I just sat there mortified.
The final straw came during dessert when people were sharing funny stories. He decided to tell an embarrassing story about me that I’ve explicitly asked him not to share before.
It’s a personal story from early in our relationship involving a mishap I had while meeting his parents. I was practically begging him with my eyes to stop but he told the story anyway.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everyone was laughing, and I wanted to disappear. I quietly told him I wasn’t okay with what he was doing but he brushed me off, saying “Don’t be so uptight—it’s all in good fun.”
At that point I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused myself thanked the host and left. When he got home he was furious accusing me of embarrassing him by leaving. He said I made him look bad in front of his coworkers and that I was being overly sensitive.
Now he’s refusing to apologize and insists I owe him an apology for “overreacting.” My friends are split some say I should’ve stayed and dealt with it later while others think he crossed the line. So, AITA for walking out?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. If he doesn't understand that he publicly humiliated you and tries to make himself the victim, that's a big red flag.
Master-Ad-1534 (OP)
Agreed the way he turned it around on me was the most upsetting part. It feels like he’s more worried about his image than how I felt. Definitely a red flag.
He is more worried about his image. That’s a fact. He showed you he was.
I kind of think maybe he’s insecure around his colleagues, and uses (albeit bad) humor for attention. I can’t imagine using her as a butt of his jokes gains him respect in the long run…oh to be a fly on the wall to hear the conversations between the other couples on their way home. Dude shamed himself.
If a coworker made fun of their partner like this and the partner was clearly uncomfortable my respect for the coworker would be in the gutter.
NTA, why is he still your boyfriend? dude is a huge AH. Ditch him and whichever friends are siding with him, they're all trash.
Master-Ad-1534 (OP)
Honestly, I’m starting to question it myself. This isn’t the first time he’s made me the butt of a joke but it’s never been this bad or this public before. I thought maybe he was just trying to impress his coworkers but at what cost? As for the friends siding with him… yeah, it’s making me rethink some of those relationships too.
He should be your ex. If he loved you, he would be proud of your job and would have been your biggest cheerleader. Instead he used you to stroke his own ego, even knowing he was hurting you. He should not need to impress his coworkers at your expense, EVER.
NTA. Why are you with this jealous, insensitive very low self esteem douchebag that gets to feel like "the man" by putting you down. He doesn't respect you, you apologize when he grovels for forgiveness...but do you trust him after this?
Master-Ad-1534 (OP)
Respect should be the bare minimum in a relationship and this showed how little he has for me. Trust is definitely shaken and honestly I’m questioning if there’s anything left to salvage.
No, there's not. If he was apologizing profusely, maybe it would be worth another effort. Instead, he's demanding an apology from you. Just be done already.
NTA - I think you did the right thing - he was using you to look "clever" in front of his colleagues - you were in a vulnerable position as you had not met them before and it was his territory. Very bad form.
NTA, but you spelled "Ex-Boyfriend" wrong. This person does not love or respect you or what you are doing. You are better than that.
I'd love to hear what his coworkers thought. I bet at least some of them were appalled at his behavior. He is an insecure little worm and he'd already be my ex. NTA.
NTA. My boyfriend is a Doctor and I'm a dog groomer. He would never talk about my work like that. He is proud of what I do and thinks it's great! He shows patients my pictures (of the dogs i work on not pics of me lol) and loves to talk about my business.
If he belittles your skills and you as a person like this at a dinner party. Just think how he'll act if he was your husband. Then he turned it into him being a victim like a whiny little kid. Don't marry this man. There are far better men out there. He's acting like this at 30 years old. He's definitely the one who is embarrassing.