'AITA for leaving my children's stepsiblings with their babysitter when my ex was in an accident?'
"AITA for leaving my children's stepsiblings in the care of their babysitter when my ex and his wife were in an accident?"
I (32f) have two children (11 and 10) with my ex-husband (34m). We divorced 7 years ago and have not been able to remain on good terms. He remarried 3.5 years ago and the bad blood between us grew worse at that point.
She was never happy about my presence at school functions for the kids and she'd always make a point of sitting between me and my ex and complaining that the kids would hug me first. But that wasn't the worst of it. At one of those school functions she accused me of pinching her daughter. Luckily others saw what happened and knew I hadn't.
But this woman went ballistic accusing me. Why? I stopped her 4 year old (at the time) from falling over. After that I made sure I sat the other side of any room as them and I swore I would have nothing to do with this woman's children (she has two). The lucky thing for me is my kids aren't close to them and don't ever ask to invite them over or include them in birthday parties that I throw for them.
This makes it easier to keep my distance so no more accusations come my way. And this woman still brings up the pinching accusation and how she should have called the cops and had me thrown in jail. A few weeks ago my ex and his wife were in a car crash. It was his custody week (we split the kids 50-50).
His babysitter called me after they didn't come back home and told me she had no idea what to do and I was one of the emergency contact numbers given. I tried calling him and he didn't answer and then I got a call from his mom who told me about the accident and the fact they would be in the hospital for a while.
I told her the babysitter had called me and they might want to send someone for the younger kids. After that I went and picked up my kids. The babysitter wanted me to take or stay with all four. My kids wanted to come home and didn't want their stepsiblings there.
I told the babysitter the other kids weren't mine and I gave her my ex's mom's number so she could call since ex gave her mine and a number that wasn't working as the emergency contacts. The kids and I stopped by the hospital the next morning and my ex was pissed that I left his stepkids with the babysitter and didn't do more for them. I refused to engage with him on that in front of our kids.
But his anger intensified when (from the sounds of it) nobody in his or her family would take care of them. He wanted me to do it but I said no and I told him I was nothing to his stepkids nor would I ever be anything to them and I was not risking his accusation happy wife trying to destroy me with her lies. My ex is still pissed at me and he has called me every name under the sun since the accident.
His wife was hurt more seriously than him and she's not even close to fully recovered while he mostly is. I think that's fueling this more but his anger toward me has led me to document all interactions we have now because he's so volatile with me. He told me I should be ashamed for taking our issues out on his stepkids.
I feel like I did the right thing because those kids are not my concern even under the circumstances. My concern is more about any accusation she could throw my way and how that could affect me being a mom to my kids. But I can see where that might be heartless given what the circumstances were at the time. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AffectionateLock4291 wrote:
I think the main issue for me is...in a two families not a single person helped out.
That says a lot about how pll feel about the ex and his wife. 👀🤷🏽♀️
Dangerous-Product944 wrote:
NTA. You're right to be cautious because that woman could falsely accuse you of something and you could end up in jail. Your ex can be mad all he wants.
OP responded:
She very easily could. The way I look at it is if she's willing to try something in a room full of people, what would she try to do if I was alone with her children?
Mobile-Ad566 wrote:
NTA. Don’t take liability for the children of someone you don’t trust. That’s an accusation waiting to happen. And those kids are not at all related to you, in what world would they be your responsibility? Your ex doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
OP responded:
In his eyes they are our kids' "siblings" despite the kids not even feeling that way or seeing them that way. But even still, it's his responsibility as the one who chose to be their stepdad to make sure he gives accurate info for emergency contacts.
Focused_Wombat wrote:
Let me guess, had you taken the kids, they would have accused you of kidnapping. 100% NTA.
OP responded:
I know she would love the chance to accuse me of abusing her kids. She would do it in a heartbeat because she was willing to do so in a room full of people who would know she was lying.
DanyelNm wrote:
NTA. You already know that the new wife is prone to hurling unsubstantiated accusations about your conduct toward her kids. There is absolutely no reason for you to put yourself in danger of any possible accusations for their convenience.
It sucks for them that nobody in either family is willing to deal with her kids but they are not, and never will be, your responsibility. Hopefully nobody other than the Ex is dogpiling you over your refusal.
OP responded:
So far it's just him. I can't imagine his family saying anything. His wife I'm 50-50 on but I'd honestly think she was doing it to have a better way to accuse me of something.
NHFCNfire wrote:
OP is NTA. I find myself much more curious about why not a single friend or relative on their side was willing to pick up the children. That speaks volumes to me.
OP responded:
I can already guess none of his family see her kids as their family which is why they wouldn't. Can't answer for friends and her people since I don't know them.
Mountain-Age393 wrote:
Do these children not have a biological father or extended family on that side? Is there no family on their mother’s side to take them either? You’re definitely right not to take them because they’re practically strangers to you.
OP responded:
I have no info on the bio father or his family. But apparently her mom was the other person the babysitter was supposed to have the number for and he wrote it down wrong.
K_A_Irony wrote:
You need ALL interactions with your ex to be through court monitored software like my family wizard. Do NOT have in person talks with him. ONLY text and email until you get the communication switched over. Also who cares what he thinks? He can make all the mouth noises he wants. No need to talk to him about it. NTA.
OP responded:
My attorney is working on ensuring the app has to be used.
Parking_Pomelo3856 wrote:
NTA. You had no legal or moral obligation to his stepkids. The wife would have lied about something and called CPS. Honestly, you shouldn’t have taken them to the hospital. He didn’t deserve that sort of kindness.
OP responded:
That was for my kids, not for him. Even though I find him awful my kids love their dad.