'AITA for leaving dinner early after my boyfriend’s friend introduced me as 'the current one?'
"AITA for leaving dinner early after my boyfriend’s friend introduced me as 'the current one?'"
So my boyfriend (31M) invited me to dinner with his old college group. One of his female friends (30F), who I’ve never met before, came late, looked me up and down, then said, “Ohhh so you’re the current one. Cute.”
I was stunned. No one laughed, no one corrected her. My boyfriend just kind of chuckled awkwardly and changed the subject. I sat there in silence for another 20 minutes before excusing myself and leaving. I took an Uber home.
He called me later and said I embarrassed him by “making it a thing” and that I should’ve just “been chill” because “she didn’t mean anything by it.” He wants me to apologize to her for walking out “like a child.” AITA for not tolerating that kind of blatant disrespect?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
dongporn_ wrote:
NTA.
She was plain f#$king rude.
He didn't say anything.
He was more concerned at his embarrassment, not yours.
Perfectly reasonable response.
OP responded:
Exactly! It wasn’t just the comment, it was the silence that followed. If he had even acknowledged how out of line it was, I probably would’ve stayed. But instead, I was the only one who felt uncomfortable and ended up being blamed for reacting.
Worried_Suit4820 wrote:
NTA. The people who should be embarrassed are the friends who made the remark, and your boyfriend for not shutting her down.
OP responded:
Thank you! that’s exactly how I felt in the moment. I was shocked he didn’t say anything, and it made me feel like I didn’t belong there. I wasn’t trying to cause a scene, but I also wasn’t going to sit there and pretend that comment was okay.
kurokomainu wrote:
NTA. His friend was openly dismissive of you in a rude way. The implication is that you are such a temporary figure that you're not even worth treating with respect as an actual human being standing in front of her.
This is not just a jab at her friend (your boyfriend) for changing girlfriends often (presumably) -- it's direct disrespect to you by not treating you as a person worthy of respect in your own right. If your boyfriend expects you to apologize to her then maybe he sees you in the same way she does.
OP responded:
Exactly. That comment felt like more than just a snide joke, it felt like she was deliberately trying to minimize me and my place in his life. And the fact that he thinks I should apologize makes me wonder if he actually agrees with her deep down. That’s the part I can’t shake.
And_a_piece_of_toast wrote:
So, I am probably going to be in the vanishing minority here but I do think it was the wrong move to walk out, although I agree with others you're NTA for it.
I just think a better move would have been to ignore her and try and enjoy meeting his other friends who (as you say) didn't laugh at her "joke" so were probably all thinking she was the AH too. I also have sympathy for your boyfriend just changing the subject rather than confronting her.
What was he supposed to do, launch into a passionate speech in front of everyone about how you're his forever person? However, he's definitely TA for suggesting you should apologise to his outrageously rude friend. So I guess in that respect, walking out was probably a good move as it made him show his true colours!
OP responded:
I actually really appreciate this take. You are right that ignoring her and focusing on the others might have helped me gauge the group better and not let her ruin the whole night. I was just so thrown off and uncomfortable that leaving felt like the only option at the time. And I get that it can be awkward to call someone out in front of others but asking me to apologize after that is what really changed how I see him.
Weird_Ad_198 wrote:
YTA. It's an awkward comment, but it was likely said in jest. Calling an Uber and leaving without telling anyone is a crappy thing to do. Honestly, sitting in silence is just childish, as you're demanding attention from your boyfriend the way a child demands attention from its mommy. Sometimes, you roll with the punches a little bit when you're breaking the ice with people you barely know.
Heck, you could turn it into a joke and everyone there would likely enjoy your contribution. Instead, you're the petulant child that their friend is dating and the next time they see you, it'll be awkward as heck. If it bothers you that much, stand up for yourself, right then and there. Don't pout and then leave. YTA, for sure.
Pac_Eddy wrote:
NAH. It's understandable that you didn't like that comment, it was rude. I think that staying and having fun would've been a great first impression on the group and really burned the woman who made that comment. She got what she wanted when you left: a strong negative reaction.
Benji950 wrote:
ESH. Not sure why you would sit there for a while stewing on it and then leave instead of handling it like an adult. It sounds like either the friend made an extremely awkward comment or is possible jealous because she's interested in the BF so she sucks for that (although we all make weird, comments from time to time).
Or, maybe the BF got thorough girls like chum buckets and the friends don't like to get attached. There's all kinds of things that could have been the reason for this, but you're not in high school -- you're presumably around the same age the BF so use your words like an adult. "Huh. What do you mean by that?" is a simple response that you can deliver without being rude.