'AITA for leaving my friend stranded at a wedding because she was treating me like a free chauffeur?'
"AITA for leaving my friend stranded at a wedding because she was treating me like a free chauffeur?"
Last weekend, I went to a wedding two towns over. I was invited, and so was my friend Sam. She doesn’t drive, and she asked if I could give her a ride there and back. I said yes no problem, I was driving solo anyway.
The wedding was beautiful, but here's where things started going sideways. As soon as we got there, Sam disappeared into the crowd and didn’t talk to me once. That’s fine people socialize but she didn’t check in, didn’t introduce me to anyone, and basically acted like we weren’t even there together.
When the ceremony ended and people started moving to the reception, I texted her to let her know I’d grabbed a table for us. No response. I sat alone while she was off chatting, drinking, laughing with others. At one point I saw her taking selfies with people I didn’t know all while I was just, invisible.
By 11 p.m., I was tired and ready to leave. I texted her and got no reply. I waited another 30 minutes, then texted again: Hey, I’m heading out in 10. Nothing. I walked around the venue trying to find her, but it was packed, and honestly? I was done feeling like her unpaid Uber driver. So I left.
I got home a little after midnight and finally saw a text from her at 12:45 a.m., Hey where are you?? I didn’t reply. In the morning, she called me furious, saying I stranded her, that she had to beg another guest for a ride, and that I was heartless.
I calmly told her that I wasn’t her babysitter and that it’s basic courtesy to check in with the person who brought you, especially when you rely on them to get home. She said I overreacted and that I was punishing her for having fun.
Now some mutual friends are saying I could’ve waited or found her before leaving. One said, You did agree to take her both ways. I feel like she used me once she got the ride, I was disposable. So, AITA for leaving without her after she ignored me all night?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, champ. She treated ya like a free taxi, not cool. She should’ve shown some base level respect. You ain’t her chauffeur. Honestly, I'd have dipped out too. You deserve better m8! 🤷♂️💯
Bulky-Beautiful5166 (OP)
Thanks, I really appreciate that. That’s exactly how it felt, like the second we arrived, I stopped existing to her. I didn’t expect to be joined at the hip all night, but some basic courtesy would've gone a long way. I didn’t sign up to be her invisible Uber driver.
Here's the thing, if your were invited to the wedding also then there's a reasonable expectation that you'd know someone or a few people, so she doesn't really owe you a hang out session... but what she did was unacceptable.
Ignoring your texts the WHOLE time and then being furious when you know, had to go home is ridiculous. Plus, her having to beg another guest for a ride is the least she could do because you know, she was actually hanging out with them.
You were invited to the wedding yourself, yes? Not as a plus one to Sam? So basically you carpooled. Had you not given Sam a ride, what would you have done during the the event? Talked, chatted, maybe met someone new, congratulate the couple and family, right?
But you couldn't do any of that independently because you gave Sam a ride? Yes, it would have been nice if Sam had checked in with you or whatever. But she was not your date. She just hitched a ride with you.
As for texting, color me old but I'm not checking my phone for texts at a wedding and reception. If you were ready to leave I think texting was the lamest, most inefficient (and possibly deliberate) way to find someone you rode with.
Unless there were eleventy-billion people at the reception, and no sound system, and no one knew anyone else, you could have found her if you had made a good faith effort to do so. Personally I think you are (and were) being childish about the whole thing. My two cents.
I don’t know, OP you are acting like it was a date which it clearly wasn’t by your own words. Was she wrong to not respond to your text? Absolutely! You had every right to leave when you were ready so that’s on her.
The part that bothers me is you expecting her to sit with you, hang out with you during the reception. Why did you expect that when (using your words here) you gave her a ride. Can you see how that sounds a little weird?
NTA. She made her bed.
Bulky-Beautiful5166 (OP)
Exactly. Actions have consequences. She chose to ghost me all night, and I chose not to stick around waiting. Fair trade, honestly.
NTA AT ALL!!! She ditched you as soon as you arrived at the reception. You reached out to her multiple times. You even did make an effort to physically find her. Did she check in with you? No. Did she respond to any of your calls or texts? No. Your "friend" there is the AH and user. You have nothing to apologize for or feel bad for.
Bulky-Beautiful5166 (OP)
Thank you!! That’s what frustrated me most I wasn’t being clingy, I just wanted a basic check-in or a response. I even tried to find her in person before leaving. At some point, it stopped feeling like I was doing a friend a favor and started feeling like I was just being used. I don’t feel bad about leaving anymore just disappointed in how she handled it.
YTA. You got butt hurt that she was having fun and you were all by yourself. It doesn’t take much effort to physically track down someone at a wedding.
You were both invited, it's not like you were her +1. She asked for a ride, not a date. I don't think her spending her time at the wedding however she wanted was rude but it was a little rude and stupid of her not to check in with you about the ride situation if she wanted a ride home that was at your convenience. You're a bit of an AH just because of your expectations regarding how she spent her time at the wedding.