'AITA for leaving my house for a few hours after a rude comment?'
"AITA for leaving my house for a few hours after a rude comment?"
Hi, I'm V, 22F living w/ my family: 2 parents, 2 sisters, 2 grandparents. Last night, I had just bought Taco Bell for dinner. I got home and ate most of what I had bought, my grandfather came into the kitchen where my mom and I were. I saw him looking through the pantry for something to eat and I knew he liked Taco Bell so I offered him a taco.
He took it and thanked me. A small detail, my grandfather often eats out and buys food to bring home for everyone to share. He loves Wendy's and fast food in general. Anyway, I told him I couldn't eat anymore since I was full. He then commented that I should stop eating (I think he meant to say buying food) because I was gaining weight. I couldn't believe he just said that to me.
I just couldn't believe he felt so comfortable commenting on my body and telling me what to do with it. I try my best to eat healthy and I'm actually not overweight, in fact, I go to the gym often. I didn't know why he said that, seeing as I have actually been losing weight and gaining muscle, but it still upset me. I didn't know what to say.
My mom hates when I am visibly upset and defend myself from family members, too so my mind was blank. I left the room but then came back and said, "You don't deserve to eat that taco." He snapped back, "Come take it back then!" I ignored him and started walking upstairs.
I heard my mom calmly say, "Why would you tell her that?" Like, really mom? Now you say something? I got to my room and remembered: whenever I'm upset I like to go on a short drive. I grabbed my coat and purse, went downstairs, saw they left and my grandma was in the kitchen, I told her I would be back soon.
Once I got in the car I decided to not go on a drive, I was going to the grocery store parking lot around the corner and chill in the car. I watched some TikTok's and before I knew it, I felt a LOUD knock at my passenger window. It was my mom. She was furious.
I rolled down the window and she started screaming, "Are you an Idiot? Are you stupid?" I asked her what was wrong.She asked me why I was in that parking lot for 3 HOURS. I said I didn't even realize I was there for 3 hours! She was sleeping and my little sister woke her up to ask where I was.
She told me to drive home because she was going to be driving right behind me, and that she was going to take my "f-ing car" away. (My car was a Christmas gift to me, but my parents have full control over where I can take it, for a gift it sure has a lot of limits).
Once home, she asked me for me keys and "what is wrong with you? Why were you there? I told her that I didn't want to be in the house because I didn't want my grandfather to say anymore insults to me. (Now that I think about it, I think I like going out because when I'm in the house...
I feel like it's a constant reminder of the bad experience I just had). She asked me if I would take off to the streets every time someone said something to me. So, AITA? Note: Yes I want to move out so I am saving up for that. there's been many situations where I've gotten yelled at and then been told I was acting like a victim so I am going to get out of this house.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
reasonablex11 said:
nta at all completely mature and reasonable response
Appropriate-Truth-88 said:
You're 22, an adult, with feelings. Kindly remind your Mom. If they can't respect or be mindful of that to the point you have to frequently leave the house, it's time for you to leave the nest and find a new living situation.
Buy your own car. Give the keys back to the one you have, no excuses. Tell your family a gift to an adult with limitations you can be grounded from isn't yours, isn't a gift and isn't healthy.Let them know if you cannot be treated like an adult, and allowed to self regulate you can't stay there.
They'll either respect you, and stop the nonsense with the car and their insults or call your bluff because they don't think you're capable of adulting. If you don't follow through, you prove them right. NTA.
jan293-jl said:
NTA. I think a big life skill a lot of people lack is knowing when they should give themselves space to cool off or process things, instead of lashing out. You taking a drive for some me-time was smart and mature.
You're 22 so you have every right to leave and come back as you see fit, especially given what just happened. Your mom should have understood you deserved space and not accosted you like that. Also threatening and cursing to take away your car seems like a toxic, controlling reply.
Intergenerational living can be awesome and I don' t know your situation, but perhaps you could look into a starter apartment or splitting space with a friend if this is becomes a stressful pattern.
OkManufacturer767 said:
NTA. You're a grown adult.
Student_Agile said:
I wish I could complain about having family who truly had my best interests in mind and cared about me as a young adult. Look, you're young, but you're also now an adult. You live at home; you're under your parents' rules. Period. It's their house, so you must respect them. That includes the car, unfortunately.
Get your education and set yourself up for success. You're worried about tacos and private time, worrying about your emotional reaction to a family member - an old man at that - making a comment about your appearance. It's time you grew a pair.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Instead of complaining about your free housing and some subjective opinion, try being more confident about yourself BECAUSE you work out because you're becoming more self-sufficient. It's time to focus on things that actually matter. Like making tacos for your family as a treat instead of buying that cardboard.