'AITA for leaving the house to stay with my BF after my sister forced me to babysit her kid?' UPDATED

"AITA for leaving the house to stay with my boyfriend after my sister forced me to take care of her child?"

I (20F) do not like kids. I never have. I do not enjoy taking care of them, playing with them, or being responsible for them. I have always been clear about this with my family. My sister (31F) has a daughter(5months). I love her, but loving someone does not mean I want to be a caregiver.

A few months ago, my sister started asking me to help her with her daughter. At first, it was small things watching her for an hour staying with her while my sister ran errands. I did not love it but I agreed because I felt pressured. Slowly, it turned into more and more I was expected to babysit multiple days a week for hours.

I had to feed her, play with her, help her shower, and put her to sleep My sister never asked anymore she just assumed I would do it and got mad at me when I didn't. Whenever I tried to say no, she would say things like you are young, you have free time, you live at home anyway or she would guilt me by saying she is family and I should help and blame me.

I felt trapped and exhausted. Even though I hated every minute of it, I still did it because every time I complained my family told me I was selfish. Recently, I told everyone that I had planned a trip with my friends. It was already paid for and planned weeks in advance. I was excited because it was the first time in a long while I felt like I had something for myself.

My sister immediately got angry. She said what am I supposed to do with my daughter then I reminded her that I never agreed to be her full time babysitter. She exploded and said I was abandoning her and being irresponsible. Like he's my baby, not hers. She told me that I should cancel my trip and take care of my niece instead. So I immediately said no.

That turned into a huge argument. She called me names including b-word and said I was immature and heartless. My parents sided, of course, with her and said I should step up and help my sister. I felt overwhelmed and honestly done that I would really snap at them If I stayed. So I packed a bag and left the house to stay with my boyfriend for a few days.

Now they are furious. They say I ran away from responsibility and that I chose my boyfriend and friends over my own family. My sister says I betrayed her and that she can not rely on me anymore. I feel guilty for my niece an I feel that I am the bad one. So AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Certain_Drop_902 wrote:

Umm...where is her husband/father of the child? NTA. Your sister acts as if she feels like she ruined her life with kids and is taking out on you bc you don't have kids. It's one thing if she has to work and can't find arrangements for the time being, but its another to expect free childcare anytime you feel like it.

She had that baby, not you. She needs to pay you for your time or hire someone. Why don't your parents help out and babysit, since they see nothing wrong with a family member giving free childcare? I'm sure they have nothing to do if they have the energy to come at you about how you use your free time.

OP responded:

I didn't mention him actually there cause he was like the kind of person who's like anything his wife wants. He's okay with it, so he is at her side actually.

No-Series-3785 wrote:

NTA!!! Who THE HELL agrees to take care of a baby that’s not theirs? You don’t have to do crap. Go on your trip, enjoy the trip, and deal with that when you get home. Yes that’s your sister and it’s cool that you help here and there but you need to remind her that that is not your child. That’s HER child and HER responsibility! If your parents side with her then they can help with the child.

Beachplze wrote:

NTA. Your sister and the child’s father are responsible for their daughter’s care. The child is not your responsibility. Your sister should have never relied on you in the first place. Does your niece live in the home with you and your parents? Does your sister not have her own home?

Do your parents have an expectation that you will partake in babysitting rather than paying rent? I’m trying to figure out how or why they are on your sister’s side. If that’s the case, you would be better off paying them rent, imo.

MarionberryPlus8474 wrote:

NTA. “She said what am I supposed to do with my daughter…”, I dunno, be a mom? It’s her kid. And for that matter, where are your/her parents in all this? Are they “stepping up” to babysit her all the time?

Her saying she can’t rely on you is winning.

RoyallyOakie wrote:

NTA...your sister is responsible for her child, not you. You need to set boundaries here and be confident enough to maintain them. Just say no.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Update: Hey so I actually did go on the trip. Everyone had fun. About my sister, she's not talking to me at all like she's so annoying. Which I am so happy about ngl it's more calm like this and she started to care about her child.

I am still at my bf's house until I calm down more because I still feel I might really kick her if I saw her. About my parents, they kind of stand with me, but are still saying that I am wrong.

Here's what people had to say in response to OP's update:

Ygor66 wrote:

Your parents are only saying that is because they’re stuck watching the baby now! You keep doing you! NTA.

ClassicCommercial581 wrote:

NTA and your sister and parents are wrong. Your parents need to do the right thing and tell your sister, "You made her, you raise her. This is your child, your responsibility." They need to stop enabling her. Putting your foot down was the right thing to do. Helping out is one thing; entitled behavior is another.

CherryApple_Amazing wrote:

NTA. Of course your parents are siding with her. Without you there to watch the baby, they would have to do it. They don't want that no more than you do. If that was my sister, I wouldn't care about her being mad. With her being mad, she's not bothering you to watch her child, so it's a win for you, but don't get comfortable.

She will get over it and be trying to have you watch her child all over again. When this happens, you need to set clear boundaries with her and your parents. Even with your dislike of children, you still was happening her when you didn't have to.

They need to acknowledge that she was taking advantage of you and your time. This is not your child, so you shouldn't be expected to watch her as much as you do or to live your life around her child.

Sartorial_Dragon wrote:

NTA. You're not a free babysitter just because you're family. Set boundaries! And personally, i'd never entrust my child to someone who hates taking care of children. Everyone in this situation deserves better (mostly you and the child)

(I'm not assuming you are doing anything wrong with the child, just that it's really suboptimal because the child would at some point realize that you aren't loving this "job".)