'AITA for leaving my husband after he won a large sum of money?' 'He's mean and rude.'
"AITA for leaving my husband after he won a large sum of money?"
My (32F) husband (36M) was in a work accident several years ago and he won a court case in which he was awarded a sum in the multi millions. My husband and I live in the US and have been struggling for years especially since his accident since he hasn’t been able to work a job in his specialty since.
He’s mainly been working minimum to low wage jobs because his degree and trade experience are in an industry his body can no longer work in. I make pretty good money but again, we live in the economical hellscape that is America.
In the last year since the settlement my husband has become the most smug, stuck up, pretentious man I’ve ever known and I’m sick of it. Our friends and family aren’t good enough for us anymore because now we have money.
Our home and cars and clothes weren’t good enough for us and anyone with a small house, paid off car, or mall clothes was “sad and depressing." He judges people HARD and he’s not quiet about it. He’s mean and rude to the people we interact with.
Of course we got nicer things when he received his money, but he was adamant on luxury things and to him anyone who doesn’t live in a mansion on the hills with a Lamborghini and Gucci shoes is embarrassing. He gets upset with me for not wanting to spend crazy amounts of money.
Why would I buy a $2,000 pair of shoes when I can get a pair just like it for $60?? It feels like giving a child, with no concept of money, $20 and setting them free in a dollar tree. He’s bought me a ton of expensive clothes and jewelry, new electronics. He pays for high end spa days and even bought me a new car.
I feel like an ungrateful b for saying this but I don’t really like the gifts. Nothing is my style or taste, he’s buying it just because it’s expensive. My husband harasses me daily to quit the job I love and says that I make us look bad by working and “making us still look poor."
He gets upset if I want to go to the same chain restaurants we’ve always liked (buffalo wild wings, jack in the box, etc) instead of 5 star Michelin steak houses and sushi places “because we can afford it now." He’s even gone as far as trying to push me towards plastic surgery “because we can afford it so why not."
He’s suggested a boob job, bbl, lip filler, and at one point that surgery where they remove the bottom rib. I feel like he’s starting to think I don’t look good enough for him and our new lifestyle. We’ve gone to couples therapy, his attitude isn’t improving, it’s even gotten worse, and I’m miserable.
This is not the man I married. I don’t want to have kids and raise a family with him. But I’m afraid that if I leave, everyone will cry gold digger. We married when we were young and broke and didn’t consider a prenup because we had nothing (dumb I know but we were kids). AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TeacherWithOpinions said:
What's the stat? Something like 75% of people who win the lottery are broke in less than 5 years. This is what's gonna happen to him and you'll be stuck with the debt and stress. Get out now. NTA.
Unimatrix_Zero_One said:
If he’s as bad as you say then I’m sure others see how he’s changed, and not in a good way, so I very much doubt that people will think you’re a gold digger. I would that that it’s possibly PTSD. It sounds like it was quite a serious accident. People that are processing that can be very self destructive. So that’s just something to keep in mind too. But no, NTA.
charmingneela said:
NTA. Your husband's behavior is unacceptable and it's clear that the money has gone to his head. You've tried therapy but his attitude has not improved, so it's time to seriously consider leaving him. Your happiness and well-being should come first, not his image or material possessions. Don't worry about what others may think, do what is best for you.
Weary-Permit4939 said:
Definitely NTA. Just because he hit the jackpot doesn’t mean he gets to act like a pretentious diva. You deserve a partner who appreciates you for you, not for how much money he can throw around.
If he thinks you should ditch your job and your favorite chain restaurants for overpriced sushi and plastic surgery, it’s time to seriously reconsider this marriage. You’re not a gold digger for wanting to escape a walking, talking stereotype of wealth gone wrong.
Baconpanthegathering said:
NTA. Tell him he’s acting and spending like he’s new money- which he is. He’s not fooling anyone he’s trying to impress. He’s looks like a nouveau riche a$^-hat.
SweetFloweres said:
NTA. It sounds like your husband has dramatically changed since receiving the settlement, and he's become someone you no longer recognize or feel comfortable being with.
His focus on wealth, status, and even pushing you to alter your appearance is toxic and unhealthy. You tried therapy, but things have only worsened, and your happiness and values are important. Leaving him doesn’t make you a gold digger, it makes you someone prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.