'AITA for leaving my husband at home with our kids after he blew off our anniversary?'
"AITA for leaving my husband at home with our kids after he blew off our anniversary?"
Illustrious_Goat_143
I (37F) am married tro (38M). Our ten year anniversary was last Friday. I took the day off of work to hopefully spend time with him, but it didn't happen. I knew my husband had the day off too, since he had taken call the day before.
On our anniversary, when I woke up, I saw my gift on my end table. It wasn't wrapped, but I really did like the gift, so I didn't take issue. After I dropped our kids (8M, 7F) off at the bus stop, I went home and made him breakfast.
I brought it to him in bed, and he was still sleeping. No problem, I just ate it. My husband woke up at around 9, said "Happy Anniversary," went downstairs, and made himself breakfast.
I asked if he had any plans for the day, and he said "To relax." I wanted to maybe go to a restaurant, or see a movie, or at least do something together, just me and him, and he said no.
By then, I was a bit disheartened but I took his answer. About 20 mins later, I just dress up and head out with a warning about right then. I just treated myself to the spa, shopping, and stuff like that. When I got back (6 ish), he was with our kids and by the time they went to bed, he brought up the fact that I left, and asked why I did so.
I told him it was because I wasn't just going to do nothing all day because he wanted to, and that he didn't even care enough to spend time WITH me, so it wouldn't be an issue that I spent time alone. He went quiet after that, and while we've talked over it since then, I'm posting here to see if my past actions were asshole-like or not. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ESH. Your husband is an AH for saying no when you asked him to do something and you’re an AH for a few reasons
• where was his gift? Did you get him one?
• if you made him breakfast while he was sleeping and then ate it, he made his breakfast, that’s not a point for you.
• you didn’t communicate at all.
• you left him on your anniversary alone, if spending time together was really what you were after, you could’ve done that. You wanted to be spoiled/pampered.
This post comes across very “it’s my husbands job to plan our anniversary and it’s my job to enjoy it.”
ConfusedAt63
NTA, you did exactly the right thing and the proof is in his behavior. You got your point across perfectly. He chose to spend the day relaxing alone, you chose to spend the day pampering yourself, alone. What could possibly be wrong with that? LOL!
blueeyedwolff
ESH. Him for blowing off your anniversary and you because you didn't communicate with your spouse about leaving. I don't understand all these married couples on reddit who don't talk!!!
Butterfl_Blue0324
NTA. Everyone is saying you didn’t communicate but he didn’t either. He didn’t ask if you wanted to stay in the house. He chose to make a decision for both of y’all when that wasn’t want you wanted. I don’t think you’re the ah for wanting effort and for not wanting to be cooped up in the house either.
saltysereguy
I’d say YTA. The question is what did you do for him for your anniversary? Was it talked about prior that you wanted to go do something? It’s his anniversary too. He wanted to stay at home, you wanted to go out for dinner. He got you a gift and acknowledged the anniversary.
There’s so many compromises, doordash some orange juice, champagne, and a pile of food from some nice restaurant and spend the day relaxing and watching movies together, or doing whatever you two like doing together. You’re the one who removed yourself from your anniversary.
Girl_In_RedCostume
NTA. But you should have a talk about expectations for the next year.
BoredofBin
YTA! So your husband gave you a gift. You took issue with the fact that it wasn't wrapped. You checked out on him because he didn't want to go out and celebrate and removed yourself from your anniversary celebration and put the blame on him. The problem was you and not him.
Neutral_Guy_9
YTA. if you had stayed home you would’ve been together. You were literally the one who abandoned him just because he didn’t want to go out. Also he got you an anniversary gift, I wouldn’t call that “blowing off” your anniversary.