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'AITA For Leaving My Husband At Home With Our Kids After He Blew Off Our Anniversary?'

'AITA For Leaving My Husband At Home With Our Kids After He Blew Off Our Anniversary?'

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"AITA For Leaving My Husband At Home With Our Kids After He Blew Off Our Anniversary?"

Illustrious_Goat_143

I (37F) am married tro (38M). Our ten year anniversary was last Friday. I took the day off of work to hopefully spend time with him, but it didn't happen. I knew my husband had the day off too, since he had taken call the day before.

On our anniversary, when I woke up, I saw my gift on my end table. It wasn't wrapped, but I really did like the gift, so I didn't take issue. After I dropped our kids (8M, 7F) off at the bus stop, I went home and made him breakfast.

I brought it to him in bed, and he was still sleeping. No problem, I just ate it. My husband woke up at around 9, said "Happy Anniversary," went downstairs, and made himself breakfast.

I asked if he had any plans for the day, and he said "To relax." I wanted to maybe go to a restaurant, or see a movie, or at least do something together, just me and him, and he said no.

By then, I was a bit disheartened but I took his answer. About 20 mins later, I just dress up and head out with a warning about right then. I just treated myself to the spa, shopping, and stuff like that. When I got back (6 ish), he was with our kids and by the time they went to bed, he brought up the fact that I left, and asked why I did so.

I told him it was because I wasn't just going to do nothing all day because he wanted to, and that he didn't even care enough to spend time WITH me, so it wouldn't be an issue that I spent time alone. He went quiet after that, and while we've talked over it since then, I'm posting here to see if my past actions were asshole-like or not. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

ConfusedAt63

NTA, you did exactly the right thing and the proof is in his behavior. You got your point across perfectly. He chose to spend the day relaxing alone, you chose to spend the day pampering yourself, alone. What could possibly be wrong with that? LOL!

blueeyedwolff

ESH. Him for blowing off your anniversary and you because you didn't communicate with your spouse about leaving. I don't understand all these married couples on reddit who don't talk!!!

Butterfl_Blue0324

NTA. Everyone is saying you didn’t communicate but he didn’t either. He didn’t ask if you wanted to stay in the house. He chose to make a decision for both of y’all when that wasn’t want you wanted. I don’t think you’re the ah for wanting effort and for not wanting to be cooped up in the house either.

saltysereguy

I’d say YTA. The question is what did you do for him for your anniversary? Was it talked about prior that you wanted to go do something? It’s his anniversary too. He wanted to stay at home, you wanted to go out for dinner. He got you a gift and acknowledged the anniversary.

There’s so many compromises, doordash some orange juice, champagne, and a pile of food from some nice restaurant and spend the day relaxing and watching movies together, or doing whatever you two like doing together. You’re the one who removed yourself from your anniversary.

Girl_In_RedCostume

NTA. But you should have a talk about expectations for the next year.

similar_name4489

YTA yes? Yes, it was. You gad this amazing ability to communicate, you chose not to. You (both) could have asked each other what you wanted to do for anniversary before the day of. You make him breakfast, don’t tell him and just eat it yourself.

Then when you finally do ask, when he tells you he wants to stay in when you don’t, without telling him “okay then , well, I want to go out so I’m going by myself” you just go without any heads up for about 8-9 hours with no communication while out, I presume.

That’s just toxic, especially when you have kids. I mean, it’s still meh, but “I would like to spend the day together, but I really want to go out though as I pumped myself up for going out, so I’m going to make a day of it. I’m going to x, y, and z, and I should be back around x” is still better than what you did.

I mean, a relationship you would think you could compromise with, let’s spend until 2 PM relaxing at home, but in the afternoon or evening let’s go out (to a relaxing spa, dinner where we don’t have to cook or do dishes, and then we can spend the evening relaxing again).

What exactly was your child care plans for going out if you wanted to go together? Family outing or a babysitter that has to be arranged in advance which you didn’t do.

BoredofBin

YTA! So your husband gave you a gift. You took issue with the fact that it wasn't wrapped. You checked out on him because he didn't want to go out and celebrate and removed yourself from your anniversary celebration and put the blame on him. The problem was you and not him.

Neutral_Guy_9

YTA. if you had stayed home you would’ve been together. You were literally the one who abandoned him just because he didn’t want to go out. Also he got you an anniversary gift, I wouldn’t call that “blowing off” your anniversary.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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