Woman files emergency custody order as stepchildren target 3yo son after losing their mother. AITA?
"AITA for leaving my husband and filing for an emergency custody order?"
AbjectComfort4893
My husband and I (both 30s) married 5 years ago. Together we have a 3.5 year old son and he has an 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old son with his ex. Things with the ex were strained. She had three other children with a former partner who are 8, 7 and 6.
My husband's ex died a year ago. For us it was sudden but she knew she was sick, she'd told the kids she was sick, and had told my stepkids not to tell us. Her former partner wasn't in the lives of the children they shared and none of her family stepped forward so my husband signed us up to take his ex's three children... without discussing it with me.
This was an issue for me. We argued about it and ended up talking about it a lot. I tried to work through it to not cause more upheaval for my stepkids or to pull my son's family apart.
But the mother's death changed my stepkids. They were bitter toward me and hateful toward their younger brother and their younger siblings have also been incredibly hateful toward us both and there were dangerous things happening.
My husband carried on working and left me to do most of the parenting and he knew that would be the case before this. The case worker we had was helping with resources for therapy and grief support groups but I had to document several incidents where one of the kids tried to harm my son, there were open threats made to harm him also.
My husband would help me when he was home but it was mostly still me alone with them. My stepdaughter told me a couple of months ago that her mom had hated me and they (she and her brother) used to love me but their mom knew I was bad and she raised her other kids to hate me.
My stepdaughter also said her mom told her that my son was never their brother and they should never consider him equal to her kids. She said this to the case worker too. The bio father of the other kids started paying child support but money isn't what I needed.
It reached a point where I could not leave my son out of my sight. My husband wouldn't do more and he argued when I said I was going to express to the case worker that having the other three kids was too much. He told me I'd make things worse if I did that and my stepkids would never forgive me or my son.
So I spoke to the case worker, got her report and I left my husband and filed for an emergency custody hearing and with the proof from the case worker I have temporary physical custody. My husband cannot see our son and I am working out the divorce.
Of course he's angry and he told me I should have talked to him more first. But our son's safety is my #1 concern while he's worried my stepkids will hate him for separating them from the other three.
His parents, who I always got along with, are also angry and they told me it was a sleezy way I handled myself. They said this even though they witnessed the harm my son was at risk of. I hate that it reached this point but I couldn't keep my son in that house anymore. But AITA for my actions?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
sfrancisch5842
NTA. No where near the ah. Never the AH for protecting your son. Your soon to be ex is the AH for causing this situation without discussing it with you. You tried talking to him. Talking did t work. And his parents can kick rocks. Protect your son. Period.
Beginning-Pass-6780
Absolutely agree! NTA, not even close. Protecting your child should always be the top priority, and your soon-to-be ex completely disregarded both your feelings and the well-being of your son by making a unilateral decision without consulting you. That’s not just disrespectful—it’s reckless.
You tried communicating like an adult, and when that didn’t work, you took action. His parents’ opinions don’t matter here—they can “kick rocks,” as you said, because their input is irrelevant compared to your child’s safety and comfort.
You’re doing the right thing by standing your ground and putting your son first. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it. Keep protecting your son, always. Period.
Cali_Holly
NTA. Like this is absolutely hysterical! Husband unilaterally decided to take in those kids without talking to OP. BUT the minute SHE unilaterally made a decision? And now SHE is a horrible person to do something SO sleazy! 🤣🤦🏻♀️
OMG……..This is typical of a selfish person who wants kudos for HIS taking in those orphaned children. BUT then he puts ALL the responsibility onto someone else. Absolutely classic!
Stay the course with the divorce and the Emergency Custody order. The kids have been permanently poisoned against you. You shouldn’t have to suffer a decade of trauma and abuse from the children while they are in therapy and your (ex) husband gets to LOOK like the hero while doing nothing but going to work.
WinterFront1431
You told him numerous times. What did he want to do? Wait until they hurt him more because their mom was a poisonous jealous bit#h. I'd stick to the divorce and have it so his other kids can't see your son anymore, and if he wants to, he can leave them elsewhere.
Awkward-Tourist979
You told him multiple times. How many more times were you meant to tell him? He knew. These children are of no relation to either you or your husband. They should have been in foster care. It’s ridiculous that he’s choosing children that are not his own over his own biological son. What kind of father does that make him? (answer: a pathetic failure).