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'AITA for telling my wife I would be leaving if she kept acting baby crazy?'

'AITA for telling my wife I would be leaving if she kept acting baby crazy?'


"AITA for telling my wife I would be leaving if she kept acting baby crazy?"


My wife and I have two kids (9,6). After the second one she said she was done having kids even though we had discussed having three prior to marriage. We talked about it for a long time but I love her and I agreed to change our plans.

She had an IUD but we still used condoms. She really didn't want to get pregnant. About four years ago we agreed that I would get a vasectomy. It made sense since it was a minor surgery unlike her getting tubal ligation.

It went well and after I healed up I went for testing and it worked. If you ever get a vasectomy please do the follow up testing. My friend from college thought he was good to go and now he has a kid.

So she got her IUD removed and we stopped using condoms and life was good. Until her sister each had another kid. Then one of her friends had a baby. And my wife went nuts.

She wants another baby. She made a mistake and wants me to go get my vasectomy reversed. Or to get my sperm harvested and get IVF. There is no way I am getting a needle in my balls or another operation. And we are actually doing great financially right now. Her taking two years off from work would be a big hit.

I said we could look at adoption or fostering but that I was not interested in her having another kid. She tried bringing up our agreement from before we got married but I shut that down immediately.

So for the last four months our marriage has been a simmering battle about another kid. She has had her parents over, my parents over, her sisters and their families. All trying to convince me that I should give in. Get out of here with that noise.

I am almost 44. In 12 years my youngest will be starting their career or their post secondary education. I can see the finish line now. I did offer all the family members that chimed in a fun option.

I agreed to get TESA (sperm harvesting) if all the men who agreed with my wife did it as well. Even if they had working ball tubes. At their own expense. And that they pool their money and pay for all bills related to IVF and the raising of the third kid.

They all say I'm being ridiculous and petty. I reminded them that, as a unit, they all agreed with my wife when she said she was fine with two kids. They wanted to have input then and it was free. I said this decision would require skin in the game.

It all came to a head last weekend. My folks had the boys so we could have a nice couple of days to ourselves. Instead my wife and I got into a screaming match. She said I obviously didn't love her if I wasn't willing to do this. That we are well off enough to afford all the expenses of another kid. Blah blah blah.

I told her no in no uncertain terms. We had money in the bank for retirement and fun. And that's what it was for. Not for her to get her hormones calmed down. She accused me of caring more about money than her happiness.

I reminded her that she was the one who insisted that having a third kid would demolish her career. She started crying and saying I was a monster for denying her another kid. That it was not that much of a sacrifice.

I finally unloaded and said that a divorce would be cheaper for me than another kid. That shocked her into silence. We have barely spoken since. I think I broke her. Our retirement funds are separate, our house is in both our names and she earns slightly more than I do. If we get divorced I will get 50/50 custody. I would want it. She would get no alimony and I might get a few dollars in child support.

I feel horrible threatening her with divorce. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her but I am sick and tired of having her make our reproductive decisions like my opinion does not matter.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA. She talked you into not having bad third child and getting a vasectomy. Her career was important to her six years ago it should be important now. I'm not sure you guys will stay married without a lot of counseling. I am not one of the psychos that automatically recommends divorce. Good luck.

The OP responded here:


Yeah I am already looking for a marriage counselor. I don't want a divorce.


It's hard to trust people who, when they don't get what they want, go looking for allies to gang up on a person.



You had surgery because SHE wanted it. She doesn't get to pull that card twice.


NTA. Friends and family need to shut up. It’s none of their business. The next time she tells you that you don’t love her, throw that right back at her because she certainly doesn’t love you with the way she’s treating you.


One of my friends had a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old, her mom friends got into her ear about having a third baby. They told her that it wasn't much more work when you already have 2.

After being diaper free for almost 2 years, they're knee deep in diapers and all the baby stuff that comes with having a new baby. The first 2 kids were old enough for independent play so she was getting some time to do her own things.

Now it's baby central again and she is exhausted and pretty pissed at anyone who told her it would be easy. Never listen to anyone who isn't going to help with baby a lot.


NTA- you had talks about how many kids you were both willing to have. You made an agreement to stop after 2. And you had a procedure to prevent any other pregnancy from you.

Her changing her mind about having a third child doesn’t make you obligated to follow again. Btw if she refused discussing fostering or adoption, and even talked about IVF, she doesn’t want an other kid. She wants to be pregnant.


NTA. She probably doesn’t even want another child. She wants a baby. In a few years she’ll be over it when she’s dealing with teenagers. And you are so close to more freedom. It’s huge when you can leave the kids and go on date nights etc whenever you want.

Counseling is a good idea. And why on earth are your families involved?! That’s insane. If they ever try to discuss it again I’d demand to talk about their private parts too since yours are up for discussion.

I get it. I do. I wanted a third baby for years. But we had agreed on 2. I had a girl and a boy and my husband was done. So I let it go. Well now I am glad I did. Travel is easier with two kids. Negotiating sports and activities is easier.

And now that I have a kid in university I would like to really share the fact that they do not get cheaper as they get older. Ohhhhhh no. So I am happy with our choices and am totally over baby fever now. Also, you always hear people say they want another baby.

Have you ever heard anyone say they want another teenager? 😀 you also never said how old you are…. You want to be dealing with paying for post-secondary and trying to retire?

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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