'AITA for leaving my best friend's wedding early, even though I was the Maid of Honor?'
"AITA for leaving my best friend's wedding early, even though I was the Maid of Honor?"
This happened a few years ago but it still weighs in my mind and bugs me so I thought I could ask for some unbiased opinions. I'm adding as much detail as possible to try and make the story as clear and concise as possible.
I (22 F at the time) had a best friend (23 F) Stephanie. Stephanie was dating Paul, a guy she met while we were out one night. They moved in together within the same month they met and were instantly in love. We had a good group dynamic.
I hung out at Stephanie and Paul's place all the time and we always had so much fun together. Paul and I had a love-hate relationship, but other than that we were the Three Musketeers, until I transferred to another university four hours away.
Stephanie and I still spoke every single day and I would visit about once a month, so we were still very close. One weekend, about four months after Stephanie and Paul met, Paul asked me to meet him for dinner alone one night.
He said he had a surprise for Stephanie and wanted to speak to me about it- he had a ring and wanted to propose that weekend. We immediately began planning the proposal. I ended up paying for and planning basically the entire thing and even took pictures with a nice camera.
I was okay with this at the time though- it wasn't a very elaborate proposal and only put me back a few hundred dollars, I was just happy to see my best friend happy. Stephanie asked me to be her maid of honor, and of course I accepted.
I still lived four hours away and was studying pre-vet medicine as well as participating in several school clubs and groups, so I stayed super busy with school, but tried to help Stephanie with as much wedding planning as I could. However, she ended up picking a venue that had most of the decorations free for use, and had family members taking care of the catering and cake.
There really was not much for me to do other than plan the bachelorette party. Then, about three months before the wedding, Stephanie found out she was pregnant. We were all ecstatic and I immediately put together a "mommy to be" basket for her and drove 4 hours home to surprise her and celebrate with her.
Because she was pregnant, she told me for the bachelorette party, she wanted it the day before the wedding and she didn't want to do anything crazy, more of a relaxed day with the girls. I asked her who specifically she wanted me to invite, and she said the bridesmaids +2 of her cousins that weren't in the bridal party.
Easy, got it. I bought her an adorable "bride" outfit, including a white sundress, earrings, sash, the whole thing. I booked a fancy brunch, a nail appointment, and a prenatal massage. I also booked an AirBnb somewhat close to the venue for that night and left early to decorate it for her. I hadn't planned anything for dinner because the rehearsal dinner was that same night.
However, the night before the party/rehearsal, she informs me that it's no longer a "rehearsal dinner," just a "rehearsal", meaning there would be no food. I scrambled and got a last minute reservation at a nice hibachi place.
I made the reservation to include everyone at the bachelorette party plus a few extra spots for her mom, aunt, etc. in case they would like to join us after the rehearsal. Mind you, I was paying for everything (a couple of the bridesmaids chipped in on the nails and AirBnb but everything else was out of my pocket).
After I made the reservation, I texted the bridal party and Stephanie's mom, Kate. Kate and I had always been super close, and I saw her as a second mom or maybe a close aunt; we even talked about the same amount that Stephanie and I talked.
Kate didn't respond to my message telling her about the reservation, but I assumed maybe she was overwhelmed with the wedding preparations and figured I could mention it to her again when I saw her at the rehearsal. The day of the party/rehearsal begins and things are going to plan.
We're all having a fun and relaxed day. Things took a turn at the rehearsal. I had shown up separate from the rest of the bridal party because I had to go check-in to the AirBnb and decorate it. When I got to the rehearsal, I saw Kate and went to talk to her and gave her a hug like every time before. However, this time, she shrugged my hug off and was cold and harsh to me.
I mentioned the dinner reservations, and she just shook her head and really would not speak to me. Again, I thought maybe wedding jitters; her daughter was getting married, after all.
I walked away and was attending to a few things that needed to be done when one of the bridesmaids approaches me and let me know that Kate was talking crap about me to all of Stephanie's family because I did not invite her to the bachelorette party, and now I was only inviting her to dinner last minute to "use her pocketbook."
1) Stephanie did not say she wanted her mom at the bachelorette party. I specifically asked her who she wanted me to invite. 2) The dinner reservations themselves were last minute, and I texted her the second I got off the phone from making the reservation. 3) I had 100% planned to pay, just like I had paid for basically everything else. I never asked Kate for a dime.
I tried not to take this to heart and continued on as if nothing happened. Kate did not attend the dinner, and neither did some of the other invited guests as well out of spite. Stephanie knew what was happening but said to pay no attention to Kate and try to just move on. I did as she wished and we had a good rest of the night. The day of the wedding was atrocious.
I'm not sure where the switch flipped, but Stephanie was cruel to me on the day of the wedding, starting with hair and makeup first thing in the morning. The stylist did my hair and makeup first to try and use me as a model for the other bridesmaids; Stephanie had a specific vision for how she wanted everyone's hair and makeup to look.
Every time the stylist or I asked Stephanie what she thought about the looks, she would give me the nastiest face or just dismiss me entirely, all while chatting it up gleefully with the other bridesmaids. The cake was delivered in tiers; it was not delivered put together and had to be assembled, but no one would do it, so I took the initiative.
When I came back to the bridal suite after doing that, Stephanie SCREAMED at me for "being gone so long". I said "you knew where I was and what I was doing, your cake was in pieces. I was able to put it together and arrange the cupcakes, but one question, is there supposed to be a cake topper or decorations or anything? It came as just a plain white cake."
Then queue another round of screaming "it's supposed to be blank, if you were a good maid of honor you would know that!". From there on, everything she said to me was screaming, snapping fingers, shaking her head, etc. all while being nothing but a chatty, happy, blushing bride to literally everybody else.
The way this venue was set up, all of the bridal party's things had to be cleared out of the bridal suite before the ceremony. While all of the other bridesmaids were hanging out and drinking with the groomsmen, I was running up and down the stairs trying to get everyone's stuff out of the suite (yes, the bridal suite was upstairs, and of course they were long and super steep).
Finally, everything was done except for the bridesmaids bouquets; they were still in the suite, just needed to be handed out, but there was over an hour left before the ceremony and I was sitting down trying to catch my breath from running up and down the stairs.
That's when Stephanie turns and begins screaming at me AGAIN, saying "SO I put all that hard work into the bouquets and you just wanna sit there and not hand them out? No that's fine, they don't need flowers or anything!"
I said "the ceremony isn't for another hour and a half, I figured I should wait to hand out flowers so they don't get damaged or lost before the ceremony" and Stephanie continued berating me, to the point I just grabbed the flowers and walked out.
After handing out the bouquets, I went to the bathroom and just cried and cried. I couldn't understand why everyone was being so mean and disrespectful to me, including Stephanie. On top of her berating, all of her family members were giving me the cold shoulder and shooting me nasty looks every time I passed by.
It was to the point where the hair stylist, makeup artist, and photographer were all apologizing to me and saying I was doing a great job as MOH and didn't deserve the way everyone was treating me (the hair stylist, makeup artist, and photographer were all strangers to me, and still were apologizing to me).
The ceremony comes and goes smoothly, and at this point I thought things were going to be okay, until we were outside taking pictures. I was friends with most of the groomsmen and hadn't gotten to speak with them all day. Stephanie and Paul were taking pictures with their parents, grandparents, etc. so the bridal party and groomsmen were standing to the side, all of us talking and hanging out.
Out of the blue, in the middle of taking pictures, Stephanie screams at me to "pay attention". Everyone was confused. The other bridesmaids and groomsmen asked me what she was talking about, and I had no clue, and when I went to see what she wanted, she shooed me away like a dog.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back, and at this point I had enough. I went inside, came up with a lame excuse, and left her wedding before the reception even started. I want to know, AITA?
We had been such close friends for such a long time, and I was so thrilled to have been her MOH, but the way she treated me felt so disrespectful and cruel and I don't know why she would do this to me. I did nothing but everything I could for her big day and I was shunned and humiliated.
Since the incident, I tried to speak with her about it, and her answer was basically "you should have known it was a stressful day for me". Years later, she keeps trying to reach out and speak to me as if nothing happened.
I basically ignore her for the most part, but I do miss her friendship as a whole, I just don't understand what happened that day. So, AITA for leaving her wedding early, even though this behavior was a one off thing?