'AITA for leaving my BF without explanation after he gave me an expensive birthday gift?'
"AITA for leaving my BF without explanation after he gave me an expensive birthday gift?"
I'm still shaking as I write this. Three hours ago I was living in what I thought was a normal relationship. Now I'm at my sister's apartment with a burner phone and my ex's mother is calling me a selfish witch.
It started six months ago when my boyfriend began asking weird questions. Like, why did I take a different route to work? Who was that guy I talked to at the grocery store? At first I thought he was being attentive. Caring. He said he just worried about me because the neighborhood was getting dangerous.
Then he got me a new phone for my birthday. Top of the line. He set everything up for me. Said he wanted to make sure all my apps transferred over perfectly. I thanked him. I actually thanked him.
The questions got more specific after that. He knew when I left work early. He knew I stopped at Target when I said I was coming straight home. He knew I deleted a text from my coworker before I even mentioned it.
When I asked how he knew these things, he'd smile and say, "I just know you so well, babe." I felt crazy. Like I was forgetting conversations we'd had. Like I was losing time.
Last week my phone started glitching. Apps would open on their own. My location services were always on even when I turned them off. I took it to a repair shop while my boyfriend was at work. The tech guy looked at my phone for maybe ten minutes before his face went pale.
"Ma'am, you have commercial-grade spyware on this device," he said. "Someone can see everything. Your texts, your calls, your location, even your camera and microphone. This isn't amateur stuff." I threw up in their bathroom. Then I asked him to remove it but leave everything else looking normal. I paid him in cash. I drove home in complete silence.
That night my boyfriend kissed my forehead and asked how my day was. I said fine. He went to play video games with his headset on like he did every night for hours. That's when I usually showered and got ready for bed. That's when he'd told me, months ago, that I should "really relax and not worry about anything."
But this time I packed. I took only what I could fit in my gym bag. Clothes. Documents. My grandmother's ring. I left my phone on the nightstand, still charging. I walked out the front door while I could hear him screaming at his teammates through his headset. I drove to my sister's place. She lives two hours away. I didn't stop. I didn't look back.
The calls started an hour after I left. My old phone, still at the apartment, must have shown him I wasn't in the bedroom anymore. Then my sister's phone started ringing. His mother. His father. His sister. All of them saying the same things.
"He's having a panic attack." "He's been crying for an hour." "He just loves you so much." "You're overreacting." "Boys will be boys." "Do you know what you've done to him?"
His mother left me a voicemail that made my blood run cold. She said I was cruel for leaving without explanation. That her son had spent so much money on me. That I was clearly talking to someone else, why else would I sneak away? That their family had welcomed me with open arms and this is how I repay them?
Then she said the quiet part loud. "He told us about the app. He was just keeping you safe. You should be grateful he cares that much." They knew. His whole family knew he was monitoring me like a prisoner.
My sister wants me to go to the police. I don't know if I can prove anything now that the spyware is gone. I don't know if they'd even care. But his family won't stop calling. His mother showed up at my work today.
She caused a scene in the lobby. Security had to escort her out. She kept screaming that I broke her baby's heart. My coworkers are asking questions. My boss pulled me aside and asked if I was safe. I started crying in her office and couldn't stop.
His sister texted me from a number I didn't have blocked. She said he hasn't eaten in two days. That he's talking about how he'll never find someone like me again. That his mother is beside herself with worry. That I need to at least call him and explain myself like an adult. I blocked that number too.
But part of me feels insane. They're all acting like I'm the villain here. Like I did something unforgivable. His mother told my sister that I probably cheated and that's why I'm being so dramatic about "a little app."
They're talking about me on social media. Not by name, but everyone knows. Posts about how young women today have no loyalty. How they take advantage of good men. How some people don't appreciate real love when they have it.
My sister says I should blast him publicly. Tell everyone what he did. She has screenshots of his mother's messages. But I don't know if I want that attention. I don't know if I want people picking apart my relationship and deciding if I had a good enough reason to leave. I just wanted out. I just wanted to breathe without someone watching. Am I supposed to feel guilty that he's suffering now?