'AITA for leaving my friend’s event early after she put me on the spot in front of everyone?'
"AITA for leaving my friend’s event early after she put me on the spot in front of everyone?"
I late 20s have a friend Maya who is very extroverted and loves hosting things. I'm more on the quiet side, but we've been friends for years and usually balance each other out fine. Last weekend, Maya invited me to a small get-together at her place. She framed it as a casual hangout a few friends, food, drinks, nothing formal. I agreed and even showed up early to help her set up.
Once people arrived, though, I realized this wasn't as casual as she made it sound. There were about 15 people there, including several I didn't know. That's fine, but then Maya announced she had a fun little thing planned.
She proceeded to go around the room asking everyone to share something impressive or exciting that's happened to them recently. Some people talked about promotions, new relationships, fitness goals, etc.
It was clearly meant to be uplifting, but I started feeling uncomfortable because I'm going through a rough patch right now and don't really have anything shiny to share. When it got to me, I tried to keep it light and said something vague like, honestly, I've just bene focusing on getting through each week. Maya laughed awkwardly and said, come one, that's not impressive, you have to have something.
A few people looked at me, waiting. I felt embarrassed and kind of exposed. I repeated that I didn't really want to get into it, but she kept pushing, saying I was killing the vibe. At that point, I just said I wasn't feeling well and stepped outside. After a few minutes, I grabbed my things and left without making a big announcement.
Later that night, Maya texted me saying I was rude for leaving, that it made her look bad as a host, and that I should've just played along for five minutes. I told her I felt put on the spot and that I'd rather leave than fake enthusiasm in front of strangers. She says I overreacted and made the night awkward. I think she ignored my boundaries. AITA for leaving early instead of just going along with it?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Alarmed_Anybody425 wrote:
NTA! I hate those icebreaker games! It's terrible especially for introverts!! She should have let it go, she was a bad host!
OP responded:
Thanks, I think that’s what bothered me most. I didn’t mind the game itself, I just wish she’d let it go when I said I wasn’t comfortable.
tismriz97 wrote:
NTA, getting through each week is 100% an achievement! and any good friend would recognise that, that party honestly sounds like my worst nightmare, I get that she wanted it to be an uplifting activity but it feels like something you do on the first day of school that no one truly wants to participate in.
OP responded:
I appreciate that first day of school is exactly how it felt, honestly.
angels-and-insects wrote:
Holy f--king mother of Christ. What a HORRIFIC thing to do to your guests! Was she raised by chimps?!
ALL the taboos of hosting and consideration all at once.
Putting people on the spot
Making people uncomfortable
Singling people out
Getting people to boast? Seriously? To strangers?
If you have a party game, it's one where everyone can shine in their own ways and anyone can duck out without feeling conspicuous.
The right way to introduce people is yourself, as host, by telling them easy things to talk about that they have in common. The right way to deal with a guest feeling spotlit and uncomfortable is to cover up for them and do whatever it takes to smooth things over for them. (Even if that means drinking from your finger bowl - possibly apocryphal story.)
That wasn't uplifting, that was a nightmare. I'm guessing half the Good News was made up by people more inclined to panic lying. It sounds like a scene from The Office. Discreet departure seems the only viable way to handle her persistent awfulness. You are so NTA. Please never attend another event "hosted" by this carcrash of selfishness.
sail1yyc wrote:
Getting through each week when you are down and going through sh*t IS IMPRESSIVE. Everyone in that room AND planet has been there. NTA even for a blink. Maya sounds like an AH.
bookworm-1960 wrote:
NTA. She is a bad host since she put you on the spot, kept pushing you to provide details you already said you were not going to do, and then getting upset over your reaction.
You should reconsider your friendship.
funlovefun37 wrote:
I don’t think the hostess needed to tell you about the ice breaker type of conversation starter. BUT she did need to freaking step up and help others join in with supportive empathy. Relatable empathy.
A few hell yeahs are nice. Be human. She doubled and tripled down. You don’t need to stay where the hostess treats you poorly. About 14 years ago a close friend had a party. She knew I was introverted AND completely embarrassed by my weight.
She literally lied to me and said a small group of nice people. I showed up to support her throwing herself a bday celebration to find no less than 30 people. I slinked out of there as soon as I could. And I never forgave her in my heart. And OP…sometimes getting through each week without breaking IS a sign of strength the greatest achievement of all. Hold your head high. NTA. Period.
lovebug1055 wrote:
Who the hell wants to play this game with people you don’t even know? She had this planned and couldn’t bother to inform you beforehand, even when you arrived early to help her. You did nothing wrong but I would question whether she really is a friend.
Cestlaquoidarling wrote:
Wow Maya doesn’t know how to read the room. Also that kind of party game can flop quickly depending on where people are emotionally. You never know what someone is going through and if Maya was a good host she would not have put you on the spot but helped you out of the spotlight.
Pretend you have government secrets to protect or tell you you can share when your plans are finalized or anything but pushing you when you’re clearly uncomfortable then doubling down instead of apologizing.