'AITA for leaving my girlfriend in the middle of the night and breaking up over text?'
"AITA for leaving my girlfriend in the middle of the night and breaking up over text?"
I (50s M) started dating a woman (40s F) a few months after my divorce from a 25+ year marriage. It was my first serious relationship since.
We got sick right after meeting and spent two weeks holed up together, which accelerated our bond. She and her friends warned me early on she was "difficult" and would push me away. I thought it was mostly joking.
Over the next several weeks, she often criticized me for doing things “wrong,” started frequent arguments, and would break up with me during fights, only to guilt me into staying: “Why are you leaving? Don’t you love me?” If I spoke, it was seen as “interrupting” her.
It became emotionally exhausting and, frankly, frightening. During her minor surgery, I took time off work to care for her. She still criticized me for not “looking like I wanted to be there.”
Eventually, the arguments were daily and intense unless we were around others. A friend texted me, concerned for my safety. That night, after yet another breakup-then-guilt cycle, I woke up at 2am, packed my things quietly, and left. I texted her a kind goodbye, explained I wasn't ready for a relationship like this, and blocked her and her friends on everything.
I also let her friends know to check in on her post-surgery since they hadn't helped before. In response, she and her friends started harassing my friends and family. She sent unwanted deliveries and messages for almost 4 months afterward. For context, we had only been together for 6 weeks. AITA for leaving like that and ending things over text?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
ProfessorDistinct835 wrote:
I love that her friends warned you, you literally stayed even though she was constantly ab#sive for several weeks.
Is the bar for you really that low?
I'd suggest working on yourself a bit before you jump back into the dating pool. The red flags were waving high and proud. They weren't even hidden. And you marched right in. She's nuts and you're not really the AH - naive? dumb? out of practice? low self esteem from the divorce? Dunno, that's better worked on with a therapist than Reddit. Sounds like you got out just in time.
khendr352 wrote:
Absolutely not. She was a complete nightmare. Do not blame you as the least amount of drama possible was best. Next time, listen to what people say. Do not stay around when someone verbally harasses you. You kind of asked for this. Learn the lesson!
DogsnSnow wrote:
Six weeks?! And you two managed to cram sickness, a surgery, and abuse in there? Holy fck this is wild. Never mind text, I wouldn’t blame you if you broke up with her via postcard. You don’t owe her a damn thing. She sounds like an ab#$ive a$$hole and her friends are psychos. Congrats on your escape. NTA.
Melle2421 wrote:
Quiet dumping is the way to go in this instance. Good for you getting out of there. Self preservation is key. NTA.
below-me-regards wrote:
You screwed up bud. You need to call her, apologize for everything you did, and put a ring on it. And get started on the IVF so she knows you care and will never leave. Possibly take out a massive life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary.
If you need a great role model of how to act towards your partner, there is this fantastic relationship coach named Bill Belichick you should check out.
rosiepooarloo wrote:
Sounds like stereotypical BPD or just straight up narcissistic. This is exactly how it goes. But whatever it is it's to the extent she has some kind of personality disorder and she needs help. She's abusive. Just leave and never speak to her again.
Timely-Profile1865 wrote:
NTA but..."She and her friends warned me early on she was "difficult" and would push me away. I thought it was mostly joking."
If people out right tell you things like this believe them.
Lavender-Mermaid33 wrote:
NTA. Given the harassment I would say you’re not in the wrong. Especially if she’s sending unwanted parcels and such to your friends and family. I would start filing for some sort of cease and desist no context thing or a restraining order.
If it wasn’t verbal it could have grown to physical you are putting your well-being first. Circumstances of how you left were a bit AH but if someone was concerned about your safety then no you’re NTA.
captainchippsixx wrote:
No. You were right on to get out. Should have been out sooner but still you handled it. 6 weeks you deserve a slap up side the head! Don’t do relationships for awhile man. Takes years to figure out if you can trust a person. Watch strong successful male. You will hear similar stories. But the goal should be to spot issues early.
individual_cloud7565 wrote:
So she and her friends told you she was difficult and would try to push you away and you dated her anyway. After dating for a few weeks you both got sick and for some reason decided to stay in the same place. You brought this on. Yourself.
Raraavisalt434 wrote:
Definitely TA. This is a 50-year-old man who was married for 25 years. He's not an inexperienced 20something. He should have the stones to say 'This isn't it for me.' IMO WAY, WAY before devolving into a messy post-op incredibly stressful 2AM split. AND BREAKING UP OVER A TEXT AT 50? 🤦🏼♀️ Shame on this manchild.