'AITA for leaving my half-brother's wedding early even though I was the best man?' + BROTHER SHARES HIS SIDE

"AITA for leaving my half-brother's wedding early even though I was the best man?"

Quick backstory: I (27M) am a result of a one night stand. My mom already had 4 kids from her deceased husband before I came along. She has never liked me, and always treated me like garbage. I used to live with my birth father in (the country where he's from) until I moved with my mom when I was 16. It was her life mission to make me miserable. But I moved out when I was 18 to go to college.

Now, here's the situation. I have three half-brothers (30M. 35M. 47M.) my (35M) brother was the one getting married. When I lived with my mom, he was nice to me when he visited, the other two absolutely despised me.

I haven't spoken to him much in the last years, but to my surprise, he asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I agreed because he was the only good thing about my miserable childhood. The day of the wedding was the first time I saw my mom and other half-siblings in the last 9 years. They still don't like me.

After I've given my best man speech, I stayed with my fiancée for most of the wedding, since I barely knew MY family let alone the bride's. When I was standing alone my mom approached me and started talking down to me, I was used to it so I just let her talk her talk.

Until she said that my brother only asked me to be the best man because he got in a huge fight with the other two over who gets to be the best man, so he asked me just to spite them, and that I wasn't even getting invited in the first place.

I was more hurt than I expected, then asked him if it was true. He said yes guiltily and kept apologizing, saying he was glad I was there. I was still furious so I excused myself and left with my fiancée, but then he texted me a day later saying I'm an asshole for leaving, and that everyone kept questioning why I left, also saying I ruined the wedding for him. I kind of feel bad now, maybe I overreacted. So, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

poeadam said:

NTA. Time to fully cut the cord with all these people. Sorry they treated you so badly all your life.

Silverwisp7 said:

NTA. It was very kind of you to show up and prepare to be there for someone you cared about, even after drifting apart. I can’t imagine the punch to the gut it must have been to learn that your kindness and goodwill was taken advantage of in an attempt to get at other people—you showed up with your best foot forward, only to learn that your brother just wanted you there to send a message to other people.

How awful. I hope your fiancée’s family can show you the consideration your family can’t, and I wish you the best! <3

OP responded:

thank you so much for this lovely comment! My fiancée's family is amazing, I've spent every christmas with them for the last 4 years. :)

Oldgamerlady said:

NTA. Your were a pawn and placed in a terrible situation. Good on you for removing yourself from the situation. Don't let your brother make you feel bad about the stunt HE pulled.

TCTX73 said:

NTA, what a cruel "family" you had the misfortune to be borne into. They are undeserving of you. Cut them all off, just block every single one of them and any flying monkeys they may send at you. They've treated you abysmally for being a whoops baby..... I'm so sorry.

OP responded:

I had gone no-contact with all of them the moment I left to go to college. They were the worst, still are. It's upsetting that the only nice one turned out to be an ass as well.

ComputerCrafty4781 said:

NTA. Your family sucks, sorry. They deserve each other. Sleep soundly at night knowing that you are strong enough to go NC while they continue to be AH to one another.

HeavenlyGForce said:

NTA. That's a totally acceptable response to the way your family has and was treating you on the day. And how did you leaving quietly "ruin" the wedding exactly? You could have shouted at your half brother and mum. Or made a big scene before leaving - that could have ruined the wedding.

But from what you say it sounds like you left without anyone noticing or making a fuss. Good on you. I think other people wouldn't have been as good at leaving quietly.

There is a chance that your half brother was genuinely happy that you were there (even if you were an afterthought originally). So if you want to keep in contact with the one person from your childhood who was relatively good to you, then maybe you could reach out and explain how hurt you were by his actions?

But really, you don't need to apologise for anything here. And I don't think anyone would judge you for cutting him out with the rest of your horrible family.

OP responded:

I did leave quietly. I tried my best to go unnoticed to avoid any drama.

Maybe I'll reconcile with him, but definitely not now. I'm more than hurt.

Apparently, OP's brother found his post. He shared his side. Here it is:

Since my half-brother wanted to bring family issues to social media. Here we are. My brother posted a few days ago about my wedding. Here's the whole story.

I (35M) asked my half-brother (27M) to be the best man at my wedding because I got into a disagreement with my other brothers over who gets to be my best man. I wanted them to be pissed that neither of them stood with me at all. Not even as groomsmen. AH move. I know.

The day of my wedding was great until he left. He gave quite the emotional best man speech. Brought me to tears if I'm being honest.

The family kept approaching him but he's always been shy. He said hi to some of them but he seemed out of his element. I kept trying to stay with him as much as I could. He, my wife, and his fiancée really hit it off. I was glad. When he excused himself to grab some champagne, I saw our mom approach him, and immediately got worried.

I'd already felt horrible about all the stuff he went through when we were younger, and didn't want him to know the real reason why he was the best man. Our mom kept talking to him, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.

He suddenly looked shocked, and asked me if he was only the best man to make our other siblings pissed. I said yes, I'm not the best liar. I kept apologizing and begging him to forgive me. All of this was away from the guests. I never said he wasn't getting invited. Our mom did. His invite was one of the first to go out.

He didn't make a scene, but he did leave with his fiancée, everyone saw them leaving and kept questioning us why he left, including my wife. I told her the truth and she got very mad at our mom. The whole atmosphere was awkward from that point on.

I did text him after the wedding. I told him he could've just stayed and then we would've chatted later. But he said that he didn't want to talk to me and blocked me. The real AH is mostly our mom. Our sister sent me his post and told me to look at the comments, I was getting bashed left and right. I couldn't text him about it so I thought maybe he'll see this. Still think I'm the AH?

Commenters did still think he's the a$$hole. This is what they had to say:

Hoodie_Boom_boom said:

You think your mom is the AH for telling him the truth? YTA. Don't use people, dude.

GlitterSparkleDevine said:

I don't know what you think this post is going to change, you're still the a$$hole for using him and making him think that you actually wanted him there. Just because your mom is the one who spilled the beans doesn't mean his reaction isn't completely your fault because it was your choice to use him for revenge. YTA.

And AlternativeAd3652 said:

So let me get this straight... Your half brother has been: bullied and scapegoated by his own mother his entire life, hated by 2 out of three of his brothers, used as a pawn in a family dispute by the one brother he thought liked him, been made to believe he was important and cared for by that one brother, and gets insulted and attacked at your wedding his own mother...

and somehow through all this has the elegance to leave quietly without making scene.... And you think he is in the wrong? WHAT ???? Half brother, if you are on here - be glad you are only half related to this family. They are all horrid. YTA.

OP later shared this update to his original post:

So, I actually deleted the app when I was deemed not the AH. But apparently my brother made a whole post about the situation, so I logged in one last time to read it and safe to say everyone made my day. And my incredible fiancée put him in his place. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

To everyone who commented supportive things to me or my fiancée. And to my brother, I hope you find peace in your life, and also a therapist. Bless. :)