'AITA for leaving my mom at the airport with no ticket and no plan?'

"AITA for leaving my mom at the airport with no ticket and no plan?"

This still weighs on me. Some background: my mom was awful to me when I was growing up. It got bad enough that at 12, I left home through the courts and moved in with my dad. That decision fractured our family. On the court paperwork, under “Name of child,” she wrote something like, “I have no son.” I’ve carried that with me ever since.

I had little contact with her after that. Briefly at 17, again in my early 20s, and not consistently until much later. I’m now almost 40. I spent over 20 years drinking heavily and finally got sober eight years ago, which is when I made an effort to reconnect with my family, including my mom. She’s closer to 70 now and has zero contact with 2 of her 3 kids.

Reconnecting wasn’t easy. When I asked if she ever reflected on the abuse, she told me I was an adult and needed to “let it go already.” That was a turning point. I realized any forgiveness would be one-sided. If I wanted peace, it was on me.

Since then, our relationship has been rocky, but present. We’ve had family reunions and even travelled overseas together for three weeks. We argue often, usually over small things, but we stayed in contact until this.

Last summer, I invited her to my city to see a band she’s loved since I was young. The plan was simple: she’d arrive on Wednesday, we’d go to the concert on Thursday, she’d fly out to visit my sisters on Friday, and I’d leave early Saturday for my own trip. She agreed.

When she arrived, she mentioned she’d only bought a one-way ticket and would book the Friday flight later. That made me uneasy, and I reminded her several times to make sure it was booked. I thought I was clear in my wording and tone that I didn’t want anyone staying in my house while I was gone.

Friday came. The concert was fine. Then she told me she still hadn’t bought a plane ticket, and now, with prices having gone up, she planned to stay a few extra days… while I was away.

I told her plainly, “I’m leaving at 5 a.m. tomorrow. You need to get on that plane.” I even offered to cover the extra cost. She refused and invited herself to stay at my place. That’s when I said clearly that I wasn’t comfortable with anyone staying in my home while I wasn’t there. She accused me of not trusting her and said she was my mother. I said it wasn’t about trust, I just didn’t want anyone in my house.

The argument escalated. Finally, she said, “Fine. Take me to the airport.” I think she expected me to cave. I didn’t. I packed the car, grabbed my daughter, and drove her to the airport in silence. When we arrived, it felt like a standoff, like she was waiting for me to say, “Never mind, don’t go.” I didn’t. I took her bag out, set it on the curb, and told her, “If you can’t find a ticket, let me know. I can help you pay for a hotel.”

Then I left.

Months later, I’m still thinking about it. I don’t think I stranded my mom with no options. I offered to cover the cost of the flight and hotel. But I did leave her at the airport knowing she hadn’t booked a ticket. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

lzii01 said:

You behaved very well, even offering to pay the difference between ticket prices if she needed it. You were right not to leave her in your home while you were gone, especially after repeated warnings.

2015juniper said:

I would feel like this was a healing point for myself.

creditspread said:

NTA and I suggest you go NC/no contact with her.

Maleficent_Wheel7202 said:

NTA. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship i have with a person, I'm not comfortable with anyone living in my home in my absence, ESPECIALLY without my consent. You were pretty polite despite this breach of boundary. Don't beat yourself up about it.

And aukinon said:

NTA. You either allow yourself to be manipulated or you don’t.