Ex-boyfriend’s outrageous stories and demands leave woman questioning her sanity. AITA?
"AITA for leaving my narcissistic ex boyfriend, or am I crazy?"
I (26/F) and my ex (36/M) boyfriend broke up in 2023. He asked me to be his girlfriend around 2021, however the caveat was that we were going to be in a polyamorous relationship with two other women that he had never met, as they lived in the US (we live in the UK).
I agreed, since I didn't believe they would actually come to the UK so ultimately this would be a monogamous relationship. I was right, but the reason I tell this part of the story is I believe this only proved that I would go against what I wanted for his sake.
Soon after, we're living together. This is where the real narcissistic behaviour began. He would tell me all sorts crazy stories, too many to go through them all, but I'll summarise my favourites so you get the idea.
He was sent to the forests of Scotland to live there for a week as a rite of passage when he turned 11. He jumped on the back of a stag from a tree and killed it with his bare hands and now wears the leather as a coat (as if there isn't a label in that jacket with the shop it was from, and as if an 11 y/o could take down a male Red Deer. Google for scale.)
He got schizophrenia but then got over it due to being broken up with. He fought 10+ men at once and won. He befriended an alpha wolf in a sanctuary in Scotland when he was at school.
They went on a school trip and he jumped the fence to play with it (the only park in Scotland with wolves opened in 2010, that would make him 21-22, so firstly not school age. And what park has wolves with a fence low enough for a child to jump over??)
The point is all throughout our relationship he would tell stories like this, where he was the hero, and yet somehow no one but him was there to see these things happen that I could contact.
I eventually got sick of being lied to, of finding him talking to other women and finding their n00d3s on his laptop, and of being told I was the reason that everything went wrong in our relationship, despite him not brushing his teeth or wiping his ass without me telling him (I'm not joking). So, I broke up with him.
The response I got was one of complete disbelief, and I was frightened that he would attack me, so I fled home to my parents house. He then messaged me, saying how I shouldn't have just left as it hurt him, and it offended him that I was scared of him.
In the following days we tried to make up (because looking back, I was feeling vulnerable and like I had done something wrong. Something narcissists are very good at). He then said he would consider taking me back if I adhered to some terms:
I would sleep in a different bed until he was ready for me to go back to him. I would let him restart with other women again. I waited for him to rebuild his trust in me, that I wouldn't do this again.
That I apologised to him for bringing this up in the first place. In summary, do you think he is a reasonable person, or completely insane for how he behaved and treated me during our relationship?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Jesus Christ. Don't walk. RUN from this Froot Loops person.
"Do you think he is a reasonable person?"
Do you really doubt your assessment skills that badly?
You probably should stay out of the game if this is the type of person you fall for.
I stopped at "I (26/F) and my ex (36/M) boyfriend" all I needed to know. I side with you he is probably insane, unhinged, and/or immature. leave, don't look back and give guys your age a chance.
NTA and please stay far away from this man! WTF! He can’t wipe his ass without you telling him?! Blaming you for everything wrong? Making you afraid that he’ll attack you? Lying, cheating, the list goes on! What GOOD things does this man bring to your life? Sounds like nothing. You made the right choice OP.
NTA. Hooking up with this guy to begin with was crazy. Your judgement with regard to relationships is highly questionable.
Girl. NTA. Change your number ASAP and get as far away from that man as possible. Sincerely, an internet stranger worried for your safety!!!
I cannot say intensely enough that this man is a pile of red flags in a trenchcoat. The idea of you going back to him is abhorrent - you deserve a partner that respects you and treats you as an equal, not an object to satisfy his needs.
The compulsive lying is enough of a deal breaker, but you vocalized that you were afraid of him, not to mention his hilariously outrageous demands. I can imagine he probably love bombed you to get you into this relationship in the first place. You are not crazy.
Listen to your instincts to run. Someday, when you're in a relationship that doesn't make you question your safety or sanity, you will look back in utter relief that you left this psychopath and will wonder, "what was I ever thinking?!" Let that journey towards that positive future start right now.
You are not crazy. I was there once. Somehow I was in the wrong for him cheating. Trust me, he's not worth it. Take as a learning experience, and go find someone that you don't have to ask to not have nudes on their laptop. You are worth sooo much more.