'I left my boyfriend with our baby after he told me I'm a bad mom. Am I overreacting?'
"I left my boyfriend with our baby after he told me I'm a bad mom. Am I overreacting?"
My partner (30M) and I (25F) have been together for 4 years and we have a 20-month-old son. I’m a stay-at-home mom but I also have a small creative business for some pocket money.
TW: miscarriage. Three days ago, I had a miscarriage (I didn’t even know I was pregnant). I was in shock, emotional, crying, moody — and I’ve been trying to process that grief while still showing up as a mom and partner.
My boyfriend didn’t comfort me, didn’t ask how I was doing, and basically brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal. Instead, he’s been giving me the silent treatment and acting hostile, saying he “doesn’t know how to deal with my emotions."
Today I finally asked him what was wrong and he exploded. During the argument, he said: I need to “do more as a mom” because I’m not doing enough. I “act like my brain doesn’t work when he comes home because I force him to be a dad." If I left, he “would be able to do it by himself."
For context: I handle basically everything for our son. I cook 3 meals a day, clean, do the bedtime routine, read to him, bathe him every night, and I’m still breastfeeding at 20 months. He's my best friend. We’ve never spent a night apart. My boyfriend has never even bathed him.
He works 8–6 as a teacher and pays the bills, which he constantly reminds me of whenever money is tight. I also buy groceries and we split the baby’s necessities equally. So when he called me a “bad mom” and said I “don’t do crap,” all while I’m grieving a miscarriage that he clearly doesn’t even care about, I snapped.
I packed up my things, the things I bought for the baby, the dinner I had just finished cooking, and left. I even texted him the nighttime routine and told him good luck. He says a lot of crap when he’s mad that he “doesn’t remember” later but some things you can’t come back from.
Now I’m at my mom’s house, going through it. I miss my baby so much, but I can’t keep dealing with the disrespect and the complete lack of empathy. It feels like I went through a loss alone while he was right next to me. I feel guilty for leaving my baby, but I couldn’t take it anymore. AITA for leaving him with the baby and taking the things I bought?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Think_Storm_8909 said:
Document everything about how your boyfriend take care of the baby and how he talks and replies. It might help with custody battle if it reaches that point.
Relative-Magician-43 said:
NTA. You’re grieving, exhausted, and already carrying most of the parenting load, and instead of supporting you, he tore you down. Leaving after being called a “bad mom" while you’re in pain isn’t abandoning your baby, it’s setting a boundary against abuse.
You still made sure your child was cared for by sending the routine, and you left to protect your mental health. Don’t feel guilty, you’re not wrong for refusing to tolerate disrespect and zero empathy.
United-Score-2601 said:
You are NTA leaving was a self-preservation move after he verbally attacked you and dismissed your grief while you are already doing so much for your child.
Select-Efficiency559 said:
NTA. And I know you’re sad about the miscarriage now, but I think at some point you’ll be relieved that you didn’t bring another child into this. Please, until it’s all over, use solid birth control, because getting pregnant would be bad right now. A man who doesn’t appreciate you will most likely not change. Make a plan, take the kid, and go.
ReaderReacting said:
NTA. When my dad disrespected my mom, or took her for granted, she would get “sick” for three days. She didn’t leave her bed. Dad had to do everything!!! lol. Mom was brilliant! Give yourself a three day break. At least!
Academic_Noise_8608 said:
NTA. They all talk a big game until they have to do everything that you do. He’s not going to learn until he has to do it himself.
AntidotesAll said:
NTA stay strong. Your boyfriend is being cruel and you deserve one night with your mom being treasured and loved. You’ve worked seven days a week for almost two years straight. That man needs to learn that he’s a father too.
He can’t even pick up the slack to allow your body and heart to heal from a miscarriage. Tomorrow is a new day and if your boyfriend hasn’t figured out exactly how much hard work it is to parent and apologizes profusely, leave him. Immediately.