'WIBTA if I left my long distance fiancée after finding out the size of her chest cosmetic surgery?'

"WIBTA if I left my long distance fiancée after finding out the size of her chest enlargement cosmetic surgery in-person?"

The title makes me sound shallow, but I have to elaborate. I 30M have been seeing Eliza 31F for two years and we got engaged a year ago before I moved away for a year long job assignment. I fly back every couple couple of weeks for a week at at time. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

Eliza and I had some shared goals and one of them was saving up to purchase a house which is why this job assignment was a good gig for me, it put me at about 50% of the way of my $50,000 goal towards the down payment.

Three months ago, Eliza said she was going into surgery to get some cosmetic work done. I knew she was always a little insecure about her chest and wanted some work done, but I wasn't aware she was doing it so soon.

As soon as I could take off, I came for a week and helped her recover. Eliza insisted that her mom help her with the bandages so I didn't really see the final results-besides that they were prominent under her robe and bandages. It kinda concerned me at the time, but I thought maybe it could also be swelling and inflammation.

Well. A couple of days ago I came back. Eliza and I got dinner and a hotel room to celebrate our reunion and...she went big. I'm not sure how she convinced the surgeon. They're big.

The scars are also prominent and it looks stretched and unnatural. I asked her much they cost and she said an eye watering $10,000. I asked how much she has saved towards the house down payment and she says $5,000.

That night, I imagined that she had her old look, I came to think, I'm not happy with how this played out. I don't want to make her feel bad about her new body, but I honest am deeply unattracted to the changes she's made.

Further, I don't feel like we're financially aligned. I want to say my priorities have changed and I want to move on, WIBTA? I would do my absolute best to preserve Eliza's feelings during the breakup.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Eastern-Opening9419 said:

I am glad that you are going to try to preserve her feelings and I like what you said about “my priorities have changed.” I think that’s a nicer way to end things than “you’re no longer attractive to me.”

Frosty_Resource_4205 said:

I think the red flag is that y’all are engaged and she 1) spent a significant amount of money and 2) got plastic surgery without the two of you discussing in detail. Doesn’t mean she needed your permission, but I’d think that is something that two who are engaged would discuss in detail before moving forward.

Jillio_NH said:

NTA - to me it’s more about where she is prioritizing her savings. You are prioritizing to get a place together, she is prioritizing for appearance (cosmetic surgery). It sounds like she also didn’t really want you to know.

Over time the scars will become less and the skin will loosen up. They will never look natural, but it just sounds like your priorities are different than hers and it’s better to know now than to decide five years into a marriage that you have different priorities.

tinykingori said:

NTA but damn, did you guys have a conversation about this before? About the size and the finances set aside for the procedure?

paarthurnax94 said:

Nobody is the ahole. She wanted implants, she got them. You're no longer attracted to her. You're both allowed to feel the way you feel. You can't stop her from getting them and she can't make you like them. It's already done.

Either accept it or leave. She made her choice without consulting you and now you get to decide for yourself whether you accept it. Nobody has to agree with the other's decision.

mintywalker1290 said:

I think this is less about the implants and more about your differing priorities, that would be where I suggest to lead the conversation and only that. FYI if she just got them done then they will be swollen for upto 3 months and takes 3-6 months for them to settle. So what you are looking at is probably 1-2 sizes bigger than it would actually be.

Fragrant_Spray said:

Regardless of the cosmetic surgery, it seems pretty clear you aren’t financially aligned here. I’m assuming you BOTH planned to put aside $50k. She had $15k, now she has 5, and a new look. Her expectation will be that when you save up your half, you’ll then help her save up HER half. That’s the real red flag, here. NTA.