'AITA for letting my boyfriend insult my mom and my sister on my sisters wedding day?'
"AITA for letting my boyfriend insult my mom and my sister on my sisters wedding day?"
aita for letting my boyfriend insult my mom and sister on my sisters wedding day? For some context just so you understand my family life. I’m a 25yo (F) My family has never been particularly nice to me, my mom and sister in particular.
They are those people that are constantly commenting on my appearance, are always talking down on my job and also repeatedly insult my relationship. I’ve always been a very shy/reserved person so it’s very hard for me to stick up for myself.
My boyfriend (27yo) is the complete opposite. He has no problem defending himself, or me for that matter. Usually I try to stay away from my family as much as possible but recently, my sister got married.
I decided I would go to the wedding because I felt like it would be a rude thing to not show up to my sisters wedding. My boyfriend told me that I didn’t owe them anything but I decided to go as to not create trouble.
When my boyfriend and I arrived at the venue I could already notice my mom giving me weird looks, which I was used to. She was one of these people who just keeps looking at you weirdly so you’re aware that she a problem with something you’re doing.
After the ceremony, my mom pulled me to side and told me that I “could have worn a different dress” I asked her what was wrong with the one I had on. She said that it wasn’t flattering for someone of my “looks”.
For context I am on the chubbier side, especially compared to my mom and my sister who are very thin. My mom went on to say that everyone was probably thinking the same as her and she left.
This was obviously very hurtful for me, I was used to my mom making comments on my appearance but the fact that even on my sisters wedding day she still had to target me was extremely disappointing. I went into the bathroom, to cry admittedly.
Since I was gone for a while, my boyfriend came to look for me and when he found me I told him what had happened. He comforted me and after a while we went back to the celebrations.
My mom once again decided to comment on the dress and asked if i had anything different to change into. My boyfriend answered before I had the opportunity to and asked her “Why are you so miserable that you need to bully your daughter to feel better about yourself?” My mom just answered and said that my dress wasn’t flattering for my body type and that I was going to “ruin my sisters wedding pictures.”
My boyfriend then proceeded to call her a “horrible woman” and said that he felt sorry for the dude my sister was marrying and he took me home after that. My sister called me and started screaming about how my boyfriend and I ruined her wedding and made the entire thing about me.
My mom texted me saying that I’ve always had to “ruin everything” I honestly feel bad about the possibility of ruining her wedding but I’m not going to make my boyfriend feel bad for defending me as i I believe it was justified. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA by technicality. You can't have controlled your bf from saying that. But, I mean this as gently as I can, YTA to yourself. Stop giving power to people who would hurt you. It's time to divorce your mother and sister. You'll be amazed how quickly they disappear from your thoughts and how much quicker happy ones take their place when you do.
Narrow-Beautiful-579 (OP)
This whole situation has definitely solidified it in my mind that I need to cut contact with them.
NTA. Your Mom started it, your BF finished it. BF is a keeper.
NTA. Your mom made it about you. Tell your sister to yell at her about it, and then see less of them. I know it's hard, but you don't need to be around people who constantly tell you that you need to be someone else before they can love you.
The fault is not in you. The fault is in them, because they don't like themselves. People who like themselves don't worry about what someone else might think about someone else's appearance. Your boyfriend sounds like a keeper.
Narrow-Beautiful-579 (OP)
He definitely is a keeper! Thank you for saying all of that, obviously i have years of hurt to undo because of them but I need to accept that they are just miserable people.
NTA - even if he wasn’t justified in defending you, you didn’t “let” him do anything. He didn’t ask your permission beforehand. Your sister wasn’t even involved which makes it sound like mum made her wedding all about you, not you.
NTA why are you still in contact with these people? What good do they add to your life?
Narrow-Beautiful-579 (OP)
I usually have very limited contact with them but I thought not going to my sisters wedding would be a rude thing to do, obviously i’ve come to my senses now and I realise I absolutely did not have to go. I’m still thinking about it but i’m probably going to cut them off.
NTA your bf didn't insult your mom&sister, he defended you against bullies. I'm so sorry you had to go through that your entire life...You should go low contact with them and be happy. Take care of yourself!
NTA. I don't care if it was her wedding. Your mom should've kept her mouth shut. I am sure you looked just great and she was just being judgmental. I am sorry you had to deal with that. I am happy you had your boyfriend there for you.
NTA. If bullying you into leaving ruined her other daughter’s wedding, that is on your mom. Clearly your family has treated you so terribly that you’ve started feeling like it’s somehow your fault, and that’s absurd. They are nasty people. If I were you, I would simply block them and enjoy your newfound peace.
NTA. Your mother ruined her wedding. The only thing slightly out of line is that your BF said anything about your sister, if she was not actively involved in this particular altercation. That could have been left out.