'AITA for letting my cheating boyfriend and his best friends expose themselves at my birthday?' UPDATED
"AITA for letting my cheating boyfriend and his best friends expose themselves at my birthday?"
This happened about 4 years ago with my ex (both 30). We dated for 2 years and lived together during the pandemic. From the beginning, he often talked about his two longtime best friends, sisters Drizella and Anastasia, whom he’d known since they were teenagers.
He always said Drizella was his best friend and Anastasia his second. Because of the pandemic, I heard about them long before I met them, and when I finally did, I genuinely liked both of them and thought they were nice. I had no issue with their friendship.
Later, I found out my ex was cheating on me repeatedly. To convince me he’d changed, he offered to give me full access to all his social media accounts. While going through old conversations, I discovered he’d been obsessed with Anastasia for years.
Even while we were together, he constantly sent her sexual compliments, reacted to her stories, and flirted. She never reciprocated, but it was still completely disrespectful. After I confronted him, he suddenly started claiming Anastasia was actually his real best friend.
After we broke up and later got back together, Anastasia’s behavior toward him changed. At his birthday, she was overly familiar—calling him “baby,” pulling him aside, following him into rooms.
My friends noticed. My ex said I was overthinking. She even started commenting on his pictures how handsome he was and how strong he looked, all of this in a public way never on DM’s
At that point, I decided I needed proof, so my birthday party became a deliberate setup to confirm whether this behavior was intentional or just in my head. I planned a party with a strict guest limit.
I told my ex I was not comfortable inviting Anastasia. As a compromise, I invited Drizella and her boyfriend and clearly asked for confirmation weeks in advance, explaining that if they didn’t confirm, I’d invite someone else.
Drizella never replied.
I told my ex in advance that if she showed up last minute with Anastasia, it would prove they were doing this on purpose. I also told him that if that happened, he would have to tell them they couldn’t come.
A few hours before the party, Drizella finally messaged saying she was coming—and added she’d be bringing Anastasia because her boyfriend was “busy.”
Exactly as predicted.
My ex told them they couldn’t come due to no confirmation and guest limits. Drizella then admitted they knew I didn’t like Anastasia and came specifically because of that. They insulted me and made it clear it was deliberate.
For once, my ex realized I wasn’t imagining things and cut them off. They later tried to stir more drama, but even their own dad apologized. We broke up for good two years later.
He’s no longer friends with them. Everyone now knows how a liar and cheater he was and confirm his friends were also really toxic within their friends too. So… AITA for setting a trap to protect my boundaries at my own birthday?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Did you figure out why you put up with so many red flags and such obvious disrespect?
Suspicious_Court_173 (OP)
Yes, it was actually my first relationship. And a little before he first cheated my dad died of cancer. It was a very difficult situation and I had some problems with my mom and sister. So at that time he was the only one I could rely on. So I created this serious dependence towards him, and in result I allowed him a lot of disrespect. Thankfully I’m not with him anymore.
"He cheated on me, but I decided that was OK. Also, he still had a lot of red flags with his female friend, including blatant flirting and sexual talk, but I decided that was ok. I suspected he was cheating, and set him up to prove it, which I did, but... again... I decided I didn't deserve any better. Two years later we broke up."
I felt awful for OP, but... wow, that guy just crapped all over her, and she just forgave him every single time and stayed with him. If repeatedly cheating and lying over and over wasn't breakup worthy, I have to know... what WAS breakup worthy two full years later?
yta for even continuing to play with this loser. You knew you're not the one from the second you got back together with him, why are you wasting your time? If the dicking is just that good, buy a vibrator and find a decent man instead.
In a way, yes. There was a healthier way to handle this. Setting traps in any relationship is toxic as hell and shouldn't be an option. The moment you think you need to, end it. In fact, the moment someone cheats on you (especially repeatedly), end it. There's no coming back from that. You deserved better. But honestly, don't trap ppl.
Four hours later, the OP returned with an update.
First I want to thank the ones with the kind comments. I am so happy I’m finally free from that toxic relationship for good and he has been blocked for about two years. 🩷 Now, for the other believe I know I was definitely stupid to stay in that relationship but as I mentioned before, I create a dependency towards him.
Also he was a very narcissistic person who kind of start making me believe I was going crazy, there was a lot of gaslighting, lies, and there were also constant promises of change which even though I knew they weren’t true I ended up thinking he was the only one that would love me. I also went in a horrible depression for all those years and he kind of took advantage of that.
Also he always presented himself as a really “nice” and “innocent” guy and everyone believed it even my family. And since I never hide my character or ideas, they always thought I was the bad one in the relationship and I ended up thinking that too.
For those wondering what was the reason to finally break up with him, was that I decided to move out to another country and while I was there, he tried something with a friend of mine, who obviously told me everything. I ended up blocking him and we haven’t speak since then.
I’ve been single, working on myself. Of course I learned from that awful experience and now I’m very picky whenever I met a guy. If I notice any red flag I just discard them right away.