'AITA for letting my daughter attend a Halloween party?' 'Her stepsister is being excluded.'
"AITA for letting my daughter attend a Halloween party her stepsister is being excluded from?"
My ex-wife and I share two kids. Our daughter is 15 and our son is 13. We divorced 11 years ago and we share custody of the kids (50/50). My ex is remarried and she has a stepdaughter in her home the same age as our daughter. My ex and her husband have tried to make the kids close, but especially the two girls because they're the same age.
This has not worked. I know from my kids time with me that they have zero closeness to her and my daughter in particular doesn't like her stepsister. From speaking to my ex about issues in the past, I know her stepdaughter has trouble with other kids liking her and she gets excluded by them more frequently than she's included by others.
This was something my ex wanted me to address with our kids before. My daughter and her best friend were invited to a Halloween party. This year, the kids are with me for Halloween so she asked me for permission to go. I spoke to the hosting parent and I felt like it was safe for my daughter to go under the circumstances.
My ex discovered I have given our daughter permission to go and she was furious. She asked why I hadn't offered to take her stepdaughter to begin with because she learned I was dropping the girls off and picking them up.
Then she mentioned her stepdaughter was excluded from the party and that every other kid in their grade is included. She felt that this meant our daughter should not be attending either in support of her stepsister. She tried to forbid me from allowing our daughter to go. I told her it wasn't a decision she could make.
She argued that I should be encouraging a supportive sibling dynamic between the girls and that it seems like our kids only support each other and not their stepsister, who they've known for more than half their lives. My ex told me I'll be a real ahole to a 15 year old girl if I let our daughter go to this party. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
No_Construction_1096 said:
NTA - Your daughter is her own person. If she wants to go to a party, has your permission and you are her guardian for that period, then you are in the right to allow her to go there.
You aren't encouraging any bullying or discrimination of your ex's stepdaughter and you certainly wouldn't be encouraging any supportive sibling dynamics between the girls by punishing your daughter by not allowing her to go.
coastalkid92 said:
NTA. I can understand why your ex wife is struggling with this situation. It's hard to raise children under the same roof who are having two very different social experiences at school. But punishing your daughter for that isn't going to magically make the situation better, it's just going to further the gap between the two of them.
Encouraging a supportive dynamic between the girls goes both ways but it can be as simple as your daughter acknowledging that this is likely tough for her step sister and remaining kind to her in the home.
bluetopaz83 said:
NTA but does anyone else feel like there must be more to why the step sister wasn’t included? It’s a really big call to invite everyone in the class except one kids. I personally wouldn’t allow my child to invite everyone except one kid unless there was a REALLY good reason. "Having trouble with other kids" doesn’t really explain it.
There’s got to be a reason why. Any chance she’s bullying or acting entitled or stealing etc etc etc? Sounds like there needs to be some investigation and action surrounding her to try and help her in the social skills department. In saying that it’s definitely not up to your daughter to miss out on her childhood experiences for her stepsisters sake.
I-cant-hug-every-cat said:
NTA. Your daughter is a person by herself, she can have a life apart from stepsister.
CarolLopez271 said:
NTA. Your daughter is her own individual, and she has the right to make her own choices. If she wants to attend a party and has your permission as her guardian, it's for you to allow her to go. You're not promoting any negative behavior towards her stepsister, instead, you're supporting your daughter’s independence and social life.
_TiberiusPrime_ said:
NTA. She's not your stepdaughter. Period. Also, she wasn't invited, your daughter was. Your ex is creating unnecessary drama here.
Azaramicrophylla said:
NTA. It's your parenting time by agreement. You're under no obligation to have anything at all to do with your ex's stepdaughter, or to include her in any social arrangements you make for your daughter during your parenting time, whether it is visits to your relatives or parties with her friends.