'AITA for letting my daughter stay with me after she found out that her mom lied?'
"AITA for letting my daughter stay with me after she found out that her mom lied?"
My ex and I have a 12 year old daughter, Olivia, with autism level 2. My ex has primary custody and I have Olivia on Wednesdays and every other weekend. A few months ago my ex told me she was feeling a little burnt out so she wanted us to keep Olivia from Wednesday to Sunday so she could go on a trip with some friends. Olivia is very attached to her mom, so my ex told Olivia that it was a work trip and she had to go.
Last week one of my ex’s friends was at the house with my ex and Olivia and their vacation somehow came up. Olivia figured out that the vacation was the “work trip” that her mom told her about and freaked out because her mom lied to her and her mom doesn’t lie.
She hid in her room for the rest of the day, then called me and asked me to come get her. She’s been with us ever since. She’s really upset about this. She cries all the time because she wants her mom but she doesn’t know what else her mom lied about and she doesn’t trust her.
Apparently Olivia’s aide called my ex because she’s been having a hard time in school so now my ex wife is demanding that I send Olivia home so they can get back to her routines and start working with her therapist to help her get over this but I told her Olivia will go back when she’s ready.
Now she’s threatening to call the police and/or take me back to court over “custodial interference” even though we’ve always had a very friendly co parenting relationship. My wife thinks we should send her back to avoid drama but I think it should be Olivia’s choice. AITA for refusing to send her back after she found out her mom lied to her?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Key-Phone-3648 said:
YTA. This is a consequence of your daughter's rigid thinking due to autism. Essentially lie=bad, no exceptions. Your ex told a white lie because your daughter is so attached to her she doesn't feel like she can do things for herself without upsetting her. Basically, either way she was hosed.
Then, instead of explaining the concept of a white lie to your daughter and also why her mom needs time alone to recharge in general, you help demonize your ex by keeping her at your house because she's disproportionately upset at her mom. What did your ex do to you that was so bad that you're using your daughter as a pawn in your game? Be a better dad, please.
alienbby98 said:
Yes. YTA You’re blowing it way out of proportion and you need to let her mom talk to her and resolve the issue. and from a legal stand point no you can’t withhold her daughter from her for literally months. Im actually appalled you think you have a good co parenting relationship yet this is how u deal with a problem and you think that benefits your daughter…
Minimum-Green5187 said:
YTA - your daughter is autistic and has an unhealthy attachment to her mother. Instead of you trying to negate that, you choose to exacerbate it.
Pellellell said:
YTA- Olivia needs to understand that her mum isn’t perfect and all people lie. You’ve helped extend this situation by failing to explain this to her and allowing her to avoid her mum for so long.
Momjamoms said:
Send that child home. YTA. You are making a difficult situation so much worse. Of course the child is mad. She has every right to be mad. This is the part of the story where the mother and child have a heart to heart, discuss, cry, resolve. I get that you are trying to protect her and I respect that, but you are standing in the way of healing.
FearlessMeerkat95 said:
YTA, she needs to go home. Think of it this way, if Olivia didn’t have autism, would you have done it this way? She needs to get back to routines & quite frankly, get over it.