'AITA for letting my friend's daughter live in our property rent-free?'

"AITA for letting my friend's daughter live in our property rent-free?"

When my mother died 15 years ago, I inherited her home. It’s smaller than my own house, so my husband and I decided we would rent it out. It’s already paid off, so we were making a decent profit off of it. Other important players in this story.

My husband and I have been friends with “Sam” and “George” since we were in college. We all have kids of similar ages and they are close friends. The relevant children here: our son “Henry” (24), Sam’s son “Kyle” (23) and George’s daughter “Anne Marie” (24). Henry and Kyle are in grad school, working part time.

Anne Marie finished grad school in the spring and recently started her first “big girl” job, as she calls it. Originally, the 3 of them were sharing an apartment in a bad part of town. We didn’t love that the kids were doing this, but they wanted to be independent and be on their own, and this was all they could afford.

However, after a couple of incidents in the building, I came to the kids with an offer: if they cover the bills on our rental, we won’t charge them rent and they can live there. We won’t profit off it anymore, but I’m okay with that, if it means the kids have a safe place to live. The kids were on board with this and thanked us.

I didn’t even think about asking our friends about this, because the “kids” are all adults. Sam and his wife were cool with this. George, however, is irritated with us. He says one of the reasons Anne Marie moved out is because he wanted to charge her rent to teach her responsibility and she said if she was going to pay rent, she might as well have her own space.

I pointed out that she will still be responsible for bills (the 3 of them are splitting the bills evenly), just not rent. He feels like this is “spoiling” the kids and wants me to not let Anne Marie live there. I said I’m not going back on this, as that wouldn’t be fair.

My husband, Sam, and Sam’s wife are on my side, though my husband feels like we should’ve asked George first before offering this to Anne Marie. I think that’s absurd because she’s an adult, this is our property, and we can do what we want. But am I being an ahole by offering this and not running it by George first?

NOTE: Yes, there’s a lease being signed with stipulations about bills, what condition the house is to be lived in, and some other things such as they can’t move someone in without not just clearing it with me, but each other. The lease will be re-evaluated yearly. It also states if one or more parties are not paying their portion of the bills or any other part of the lease is violated, they will be evicted. This includes my own son.

I also have money set aside for any damages that may come and we also have insurance on the house. I’m confused why some are insisting I charge rent, saying they’re not learning any budgeting…they’ll still have bills by living here, and are obviously buying all their own food. So, budgeting is happening and they are still very much adults. They’re just not paying arbitrary rent.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

inturnaround said:

NTA. He doesn't get to decide what is right for his child when she's an adult. It would have been insulting to Anne Marie if you consulted her daddy to see if she could live where she wanted to live. You'd be taking away her agency and giving it over to her father. Kind of feels sexist honestly.

It was kind of you to make that offer. I understand why you did it and I agree with you that it was the best move given the circumstances and your very real concern about their safety.

Jerseygirl2468 said:

NTA she’s 24 years old, many years into adulthood. It’s your property to do with as you wish, George has no say in any of it.

Thelostgirl1967 said:

NTA. As you said, Anne Marie is an adult. Also what is George thinking. He wants his daughter, a young woman, to struggle to pay rent and live in a bad neighborhood where she could be hurt. Rather than let her live somewhere safe because she’s not paying rent? You said she’s paying bills, isn’t that responsibility?

ccam04 said:

NTA. You're entering into an agreement with consenting adults. You don't require anyone else's permission and you honestly don't owe it to the parent to get their say so. You have really good intentions in keeping these young adults safe. Kudos to you. Forget everyone else who tries to make you feel like an AH about it.

TerrifyinglyAlive said:

NTA. He doesn't get to decide his adult daughter's living arrangements anymore. It's not his call. Plus she has multiple degrees and has already moved out of her parents' home, I guarantee she already understands how to be responsible. He's not making any sense.

ThePlumage said:

NTA. George doesn't get to dictate the living conditions of someone in her 20s if his property and his money are not involved. It's sad that he's more concerned about whatever "lesson" he's trying to teach her than he is about her safety.

He's also not considering that sometimes in life, you get lucky, and you should take advantage of those opportunities while you have them because you never know when you'll fall on hard times. Since Anne Marie isn't paying rent, perhaps he can urge (but not force) her to build up a savings account so she can make a down payment on a house someday or otherwise have an emergency fund.

Instead, he wants her to flush that money down the drain in the form of paying rent she doesn't need to. George's attitude is only going to alienate his daughter when she might otherwise seek him out for guidance.

CrazyOldBag said:

NTA. All three of the “kids” are adults and able to make life decisions like this for themselves. Why would you need to ask their parents? George is being salty because this is one more indication that he no longer has full control over his “little girl."

He’s a big boy and can get over himself. Thank you for giving these three young people this assist. You and your wife have done a really good thing that will make a difference in their lives.