'AITA for letting my family meet my baby without my wife’s permission?' 'Her family has been harassing me.'

"AITA for letting my family meet my baby without my wife’s permission?"

Been with my wife Mary for 3 years and we welcomed our first boy 3 months ago. My wife has always been close to my family and they get along pretty well. When she got pregnant everyone was excited especially my parents since this would be their first grandchild.

They were very involved (with boundaries of course) and my parents were the ones that actually helped making the pregnancy a bit easier. (Helping with groceries, bought a lot of baby stuff and so on)

When she was due to give birth my mom gave her this beautiful knitted shawl for our son, each square had a different design each with its own meaning it was really beautiful. After labor and birth we had already gave our rules to all the family; we wanted a month just us and the baby. And they all respected it.

After the month I was really excited to finally get my family to meet the baby but my wife was against it saying she wasn’t ready yet. Though sad I agreed thinking that also meant she wasn’t ready to see her family too.

I came home one day after work to find her whole family seating in our living room passing the baby around. I thought this meant she was finally ready for my family to see my son too. I texted my family and told them they can visit now they were very happy.

I told Mary what was happening and that she didn’t need to worry about hosting since I was going to host. She got enraged that I had the nerve to invite them without her permission.

I got angry too it had been 2 months now and my family hadn’t even seen my kid (no pictures either). We had an argument and went to bed angry. I tried to be the bigger person and didn’t let my family meet them till she was ready.

I told my family this and they were disappointed my dad made a comment saying “are we going to meet him when he's 18, or she’s still not going to be “ready." Seeing the comment I realized how unfair it was to them and decided to make it right.

Yesterday I took my son an afternoon telling her I was going to the store. I brought him to my parents house they were over the moon to finally see him. Told my siblings and they came too. It was a nice time and we had a nice dinner.

I went back home knowing It was going to be a fight and it was she yelled that I had no right to take our kid without her permission, but I just ignored her fed my son and put him to bed. I slept in the spare room.

Now her family has been harassing me and calling all sorts of names for hurting their daughter her dad has gone as far as threatening me. My family is on my side of course. I’m asking here for outside opinions, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

celticmusebooks said:

First off NTA but is is possible your wife is struggling with some post partum mental health issues? Sit her down and calmly ask her why it was ok for her family to see the baby but not your family. Make her give a specific, concrete answer. Tell her gently, but firmly that it's BOTH of your child and you have a right for your family to know your child.

It's concerning that her father threatened you. Tell her you didn't appreciate that and how sad it would be for her father to be in jail but you would absolutely press charges if necessary.

Away-Understanding34 said:

NTA she had her family meet the baby without your permission. If her family can meet the baby, then so can yours. I would say maybe get some counseling to see what's really going on. Her behavior is concerning, especially if she can't verbalize why she's not ready for your family to meet the baby.

UnluckyAssist9416 said:

NTA - What a hypocrite. She didn't get permission for HER family to come see the child…But you need permission for the same thing? Yeah no.

pauldore said:

NTA. Never heard anything like this before. You don’t need her permission to take your baby to see your family. She doesn’t own the child. It’s so strange. Either way, I think you were right to take matters into your own hands in the face of such…strangeness.

savinathewhite said:

NTA, but I think there is something going on that needs to be addressed with your doctor - PPD can create very strange responses, even psychosis. It sounds completely unreasonable to try to prevent your family from meeting your child, and...

If it were me I’d consider that she’s struggling with PPD or related mental health issues. Get her checked out, asap, and some couples therapy would be a good idea to address any other communication issues.

calacmack said:

Does your wife have any rationale for her position? The baby belongs to both of you and her actions make no sense based upon your account. She is being at best unfair and at worst sort of cruel. You should not be put in a position of having to do what you did. NTA.