'AITA for letting my roommate cook with a contaminated lid?' 'She knows what she's doing.'
"AITA for letting my roommate cook with a contaminated lid?"
I live in a three-person apartment and around half a year ago, a new person moved in. We got along just fine at the beginning, everything was cool. What she told me from the start was that she is muslim and therefore has certain rules about the food she eats. I had no problem with that, we cook separately anyway, so there wasn't an issue.
Now, she's relatively strict about these rules - she uses her own set of pots and pans when she cooks, which I stay away from in case I accidentally do anything wrong. I don't really know how far that rule extends though, because we do use the same cutting boards, kitchen tools or cutlery.
One day, I walked into the kitchen and saw that she was using the lid from my dutch oven for her frying pan. Now, I don't eat a lot of meat, but I do cook with wine relatively often. Like I said, it's never been an issue, we use different pots.
She knows I cook with alcohol. So, when I saw her using that lid, I was confused for a moment. But then I thought back - we use the same utensils. She has probably seen me use this lid before, the size is perfect so I use it for my frying pan quite often. I clearly have no idea how far her dietary rules go, so I just shrug it off. She knows what she's doing.
A couple of weeks pass and she uses the lid again and again. It's a little bit annoying because I still do need it for myself, but that's just what living with roommates is, so I don't say anything.
Then, one night, I'm lucky. When I go into the kitchen, the lid is on the drying rack. I can use it. So I do. I make myself some food, leave it simmering on the stove for a while. When I'm almost done, my roommate walks in on me, sees me cooking with my lid.
The next day, she has bought herself a new lid for her pan and asks me not to use it, because when I cook something with alcohol or pork, that means it's contaminated and she can't use it anymore. I asked why she used mine for so long then, since I had already been doing that since before she lived here. And now she's pissed at me, saying I should have told her right away and that I'm not respecting her religion. Am I the ahole?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
thefanciestcat said:
NTA. She'll get over it. Just let it go. You asked a perfectly reasonable question in response to something that probably felt like unfair, passive aggressive blame, but when you ask a perfectly reasonable question of someone who is doing something out of religious custom (rather than convenience, a best guess...
"The instructions say so", etc.) there's always a good chance it will be taken as an attack, especially if it points out they might not have been following their own ritual properly. It's not unique to a particular religion or even the concept of religion. People are just more defensive when it comes to whatever dogma they subscribe to.
SoMuchMoreEagle said:
NTA. But if it's that much of an issue for her, she needs to not only monitor these things herself, but clarify them for you. Why are utensils okay for both of you to use, but not a lid (that doesn't even touch the food)?
Competitive_Ask_9179 said:
NTA - I'm sure she was well aware that was not her lid...and it isn't your responsibility to know her restrictions.
Western_Sort501 said:
NTA presumably has been washed in between and it is up to her to comply with her dietary requirements.
aj_alva said:
NTA. It is her responsibility to ensure that her cooking supplies are meeting her religious/dietary/needs. I had a roommate in college who had dietary restrictions for her religion and she kept all of her stuff completely separate from ours.
Upset-Cake6139 said:
NTA. If it’s that important to her, then it’s on her to ask permission to use your lid and if it’s safe to use. I might have questioned it but I might have also figured she knows more about her religion than I do so as long as it’s been cleaned it’s fine.