'AITA if I lie to my family about my medical history to justify a cosmetic procedure?'

"AITA if I lie to my family about my medical history to justify a cosmetic procedure?"

Just to clarify, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY, my mom, dad and siblings all know the truth, I'm talking about extended family.

So I (NB24) am about to start the process to get a complete double mastectomy (top surgery), which means that I'm going to get both my boobs completely removed. It will be a completely elective plastic surgery with no medical reasons other than me wanting it done.

Now, I'm not gonna lie, my boobs are pretty freaking big, so the change will DEFINITELY be well noticeable even with several layers of clothes on, so there is no way of letting this go unmentioned. People are going to notice and probably ask about it, and I'm pretty willing to explain it and answer but I would really like to take some precautions to limit the negative comments to a minimum, if it makes sense.

The problem is: my dad's family is very religious and close minded and pretty homophobic too, especially the older people, and I am like 99.9% sure that if they knew the truth I would never hear the end of it. It would be a never ending sequence of "aw but why did you do it," "you looked so good before :("

"You're gonna regret it" and the usual, and honestly if that were to happen I would unironically rather go no contact with them, which I would like to avoid cause there's still people I love in that side of the family (especially my cousins, who know the truth).

Therefore, I am seriously planning to tell them that I tested positive for the breast cancer gene and had to have my boobs removed as a precaution, and that I don't like to speak about it since it's traumatic and yada yada, and I hope they'll catch on and not mention it again.

The only thing making me dubious is that the BRCA type genes are genetic, and I don't really wanna create a boob cancer craze in my family or make anyone paranoid or make them spend money in some unnecessary testing and stuff. I also really, REALLY don't want to hear them make comments about my boobs being gone tho.

TL;DR: So internet, would I be TA if I told a little lie about having a genetic predisposition for breast cancer to my homophobic relatives to justify me getting my boobs cut off because I want to? For the sake of my mental sanity lol.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Putrid_Magi wrote:

I'm sure there are other medical reasons to remove your breasts other than cancers. Google and pick the most 'benign' one.

OP responded:

Literally no, I looked it up already and it's either cancer, prevention of cancer or cosmetic surgery. I just thought prevention was a more innocent thing to lie about than having actual freaking cancer lol

DinaFelice wrote:

NTA for not telling them the truth: when people have proven themselves to be unable/unwilling to accept certain answers, they have forfeited their right to expect honest answers from the people around them (particularly if they also won't accept polite deflections and insist on answers they aren't entitled to).

But Y. W. B. T. A. if you claimed a BRCA mutation...because then you aren't just lying about your own health, you are literally telling them that they are at risk as well.

Besides, as someone who did a rotation in a cancer genetics clinic.

I can assure you that prophylactic surgeries are still quite controversial with the public, particularly older people. In other words, the exact people you are worried about are probably going to have a lot of strong opinions. I suggest you stick to an explanation that is limited to your 'medical situation' (and ideally be as limited on details as you can get away with).

Kurokomainu wrote:

NTA but before that I would think about the fact that they don't need to know about any details -- real or false. You could simply say that you have reasons for getting it done that you don't want to go into.

It's a private medical matter, even if the result is something they can see, and you'd prefer if they'd just drop it. If they persist, say that you won't be discussing it with them, so it would save you and them time for them to just leave it at that. Please. The problem with this approach though is that if the nosy-parkers won't drop it they might harass your family into talking.

You could choose to give your family your cover story to tell if you suspect they might crack and tell the truth just to get the questions to stop. That said, if you can trust your family to be tight-lipped they could keep to the same "It's a private medical thing. Drop it please." line that you do. ETA: I would advise this.

Much simpler than a cover story that might motivate them to dig more because any genetic thing could involve them too. I think firmly shutting down at people who keep asking invasive questions when asked to would be justified. They don't have a right to know the whys and hows of every medical procedure you have.

OP responded:

I know, and that is absolutely true that they don't need to know, but yes, I feel like they'd keep asking. I'll think about it, but the option of always being asked about it is not too appealing either tbh.

flattened_apex wrote:

Look if my cousin said they got a double mastectomy because of the BRCA gene I'd freak out a bit. My great aunt passed of breast cancer and turns out had the gene, but my grandma and mother got tested and don't, so I think that means I'm ok, but I can't get the test because not enough of my relatives have it.

You absolutely might unnecessarily worry people. I do think about this sort of stuff. Tbh I'd probably want to ask you how and why you got tested in the first place to try and figure out if I needed to too. But also I'd respect your privacy. Do what you want but, why not live your life as you want it? No point in lying imo.

Tell them why, or is don't tell them why, deal with the consequences. Fake excuses are always sorta gross imo and I'd be really pissed off if I found out someone I was close to straight up lied to me about something like this rather than just said "I don't want to talk about it."

OP responded:

I just thought going with something """medically valid""" would limit the "but whyyyy" questions. I'm kinda getting convinced to just tell the truth tho.

Individual_Ad_9213 wrote:

NTA; but you already realize that you'll get caught since, as you note, this will likely start a bunch of relatives getting tested for the BRCA gene and since it will seem very suspicious that you're the first person to make such a claim. Why not just tell them that the procedure was necessary and that it's all too painful to talk about?

OP responded:

I mean I just think it's a pretty incomplete excuse and people would still ask why lol, the genetic predisposition was my actual justification for that. A lot of types of breast cancer are genetic anyway so I guess ppl would get tested anyway, I just didn't wanna lie about having actual cancer lmao

analdifstinggremlin wrote:

I’m not going to pass judgement. As an enby who also had top surgery, I understand the discomfort in telling your extended family. Here’s the deal—if they react negatively and make ongoing gross comments to you, you get to choose what type of relationship you want with those people.

You can continue a relationship with the ones who support you and go NC with those who don’t. It’s not all or nothing. My advice is be open about who you are, and keep close those who truly love YOU.

OP responded:

Thank you ♥️ would it be fine with you if I asked a couple questions via dm?

guppie-beth wrote:

Gently, YWBTA. As has been pointed out, BRCA is genetic and other women in your family will be frightened into getting tested themselves or will be putting incorrect information down when they are asked for medical histories. In addition, breast cancer is serious shit (ask me how I know) and it’s bad karma to lie about it. If you have to explain yourself just say back pain.

OP responded:

That's fair. Sorry to hear you're speaking from experience, I hope you're better now.