'AITA for limiting my interaction with my in-laws over financial matters?'

"AITA for limiting my interaction with my in-laws over financial matters?"

I (36M) have been married to my wife (33F) for 8 years now. We immigrated to Canada 6 years ago, and had very humble beginnings. That is when my wife started asking for things which I considered beyond our means e.g. luxury bags, wanting to rent luxury condo vs apartment, travel, latest phones.

Anyway, we ended up having countless arguments over the years over financial decisions which spoiled our relation. So much so that parents on both sides had to get involved on multiple instances.

At all these instances, my somewhat affluent parents in law repeatedly suggested "what their money is good for if they can't help us past these tough times," essentially offering monetary help, which I would always politely decline, considering myself to have high self-respect and to avoid being indebted to my parents in laws for the rest of my life.

In return, instead of being respected for my self-respect, I was always told something to the tunes of "we want to help you, but you refuse to be helped." Anyway, these events would not stop and one thing led to another and I eventually I decided (for my own mental peace) to never again decline any monetary offer from my parents in law.

So the next time a similar event took place, my parents in law got involved and offered to pay half of our mortgage (to lower our monthly installment and ease our financial burden), which was a lot of money. So I accepted their offer.

Now after my acceptance of their offer, they have tried various means to backtrack on their original offer to a lower amount but I declined and now I insist they fulfill their original commitment. This has caused a lot a issues between me and my parents in law (I do not let this affect my relation with my wife), so much so that we now barely talk. It's been like this for 3 years now.

Reality is, I don't care about the money as we live comfortable lives now and don't really need that money anyway, but I insist they extend the monetary favor they committed (part of the reason for my insistence being they having played a negative part in my married life throughout with their many interferences and "monetary offers" which only fueled financial arguments between me and my wife.

My wife has made peace with the salty relation between her parents and me, but I was not sure if I'm being unreasonable here? I kind of enjoy the peace this has brought me as I no longer hear fake offers, and my parents-in-law having promised to never interfere in our matters, and we try to live peacefully within our own means, not to mention our arguments over financial issues are almost non existent now.

So I'm in a kind of win-win situation, except for the now salty relation with my parents in laws (who I believe deserved this). I have essentially conditioned normalization of relations with my in-laws on their fulfillment of the commitment they had made. AITA here?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Alice-003 said:

I get why you snapped. They kept dangling money, stirring drama, then acting like saints. You finally called their bluff and they folded. The distance is probably healthier for everyone.

Haunting-Plantain870 said:

NTA. I like your move here. They talk a good game, and you told them to put up or shut up.

Donthate_appreciate said:

NTA. This is very much a FAFO moment. It sounds like they were incredibly disrespectful. It seems like they were trying to convince you that you need to care for their daughter better, so you need to take their money.

Calling them out was the only way to shut them up. Whatever relationship your wife has with her parents is her own doing. You simply stood up to the bullies and won. I do question the health of your marriage, but that’s another matter. Hope all is well.

Hennahands said:

ESH, especially if you think her parents financial situation has changed. Many eastern maternal families feel pressured to contribute financially to their daughters marriage. There is still social concern that when dowry’s are not paid out in SOME form their daughters are treated poorly. You really need to interrogate what’s going on here.

ReadMeDrMemory said:

NTA. They played a stupid game and guess what happened? You've managed a tough situation very well and now your'e reaping the benefits. I don't get the feeling that "the now salty relation with my parents in laws" keep you awake at night.

Zealousideal-Cod-924 said:

I don't quite understand. If her parents were offering money, why wasn't that a matter between them and their daughter, your wife? Why were you getting involved in that dynamic? She would've then be free to waste that money on any thing she liked, and you'd have been free of any consequences. You got yourself embroiled in this mess, so for that YTA.