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'AITA for refusing to kick out my mom even though her parenting criticism upsets my husband?' UPDATED

'AITA for refusing to kick out my mom even though her parenting criticism upsets my husband?' UPDATED

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"AITA for allowing my mother to stay despite my husbands disapproval?"

My mother is widowed and only has her kids (me and my 2 brothers), I recently had a difficult delivery that has left me bedridden so my mom came to help me (she had told me that she feels lonely in that big house and said she grateful to stay with us) and my husband out.

My husband has been amazing and has been doing most of the childcare because I am still not in the best condition to take of our 3months old baby. My mother has been with us for about 2 months and has been tremendous help to us but sometime she criticizes the decision me and my husband makes which leaves my husband upset sometimes since he trying his best.

Me and my husband had decided that we didn’t want to let our child cry himself to sleep, we decided that we wanted to cradle him so he knew we would always be there for him. Yesterday my mother disagreed with this method and told us that she allowed me and my brothers cry themselves to sleep so they could have a more scheduled sleeping and it makes it easier for them to sleep for longer hours.

I thought what she said made sense and told my husband that maybe we should go with that method. My husband got furious and told me that he done, he want her out of his house. My mom told him she not going to leave her daughters house and I told him he can’t kick her out of our house.

My mom ended up leaving to bed, my husband told me he had it with my mom, that he works a full time job (which is home based) and does most of the childcare and house work with no help from me, that he has had with me being her sidekick and being criticized in his home. I told him she was giving us valid reason and she was helping us out so he not doing everything on his own.

He said he would rather get a nanny to help out that my mom is making him mentally unwell and I am not there for the most part. I told him that she is my mom and am not kicking her out and he said it funny that I can make these decisions when am not contributing anything to this household and am barely functioning as a mother.

That really hurt me because I have confided in him on how I don’t feel like am doing enough and he has always reassured me. I feel like he trying to guilt me now. My mom has communicated with me on how she feels really lonely back in her house and she really like staying with us. AITA for not kicking out my mom?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

YTA, listen to your husband he is right. Mommy is not

said:

YTA if you’re choosing your mother over your husband. He’s your partner and the father of your children. Discuss the sleeping schedule with your husband after she’s back at her own house and he’s in a better headspace.

said:

YTA, it sounds like your husband is working really hard and, even though you might have a good reason to not be able to do as much around the house, there is not a good reason to undermine your spouse and the parenting techniques you two agreed on in favor of your mom’s ideas.

Your spouse is your partner in this, not your mother. Two months is also a really long time to have someone “helping out” with the kid. I love my PILs, but there’s no way in hell I’d have wanted to live with them giving me advice in my own house for that long.

said:

Your mom is advocating for a child care method that has been shown to be traumatizing to children. Cry it out so the parent can get more sleep is not okay. Whether your mom stays or not, you will be an @$$hole if you take her advice.

And said:

YTA. If you care more about your mom's feelings than your husband's, then you should go live with her so that her house isn't lonely. Sounds like your husband is already doing all of the housework and childcare, so he'll be fine, and this way he doesn't also have to cater to two grown adults.

asked:

I need a lot more INFO. Your husband is either having an irrational hissy fit or a straw that broke the camel's back moment.

1.) How often is she criticizing him?

2.) How often are you siding with her about things that you and your husband already decided privately?

3.) What is her tone when she's criticizing?

4.) Can you honestly say that when her advice is turned down that it is 100% over and she respects your decision?

5.) What is her relationship with him like before?

To be frank, your husband is, as we say in my house (Inside Our reference), letting his Red Guy do the talking here and likely doesn't mean a lot of it. But you're also telling him he can't kick someone out of HIS house. So answer these honestly and I'll tell you how big of an asshole which of you is being.

OP responded:

Am not really there when the critiquing is happening but my husband always tells me most of the stuff she says and I just tell him to take it with a grain of salt. Am normally on my mom side only because she has experience so I feel like me and my husband can learn a lot from her. My husband and her aren’t really close, they have never really bonded but have always stayed respectful towards each other.

She later shared this update:

I talked to my husband and he apologized about what he said and I told him I will tell my mom to leave. I did tell my mom that she had to leave within 2 days but my brothers have been berating about kicking her out so am kinda of feeling bad but I know it the right decision for my family.

I have had 2 infections and am allergic to most safe painkillers so without the painkillers am in constant pain and discomfort, but I think I should be ok within the month. We will get a nanny within the month probably start looking tomorrow. I am definitely not using cio method now.

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