'AITA for locking the bedroom door when my husband works? He thinks I'm hiding something.'
"AITA for locking the bedroom door when my husband works?"
I work first shift and my husband works second shift. Because of that, I often spend nights alone. He gets home around 2AM. I lock the bedroom door when I am home and he is working. I would hear noises and be not sure what it was, and I got tired of checking. It was usually my cats or an appliance. But I got tired of checking.
So I lock the door so if I hear a noise, I know it’s the cats or an appliance and if not, I have a locked barrier between me and whatever it could be. And when I go to sleep, I unlock the bedroom door so he can get in. Last night he came hours early. He was cut from work because it was extra slow.
I didn’t hear him come in through the front door because I had the TV and air conditioner on. If I did hear him, I always go out to say hi and I unlock the door as I do. But I didn’t hear him so I couldn’t. He tried to get in and found the door locked. It took me a few seconds to pause the TV and get my cat off of me and get up to unlock the door.
He started questioning me about why the door was locked and what I was hiding. I told him I wasn’t hiding anything, I just lock it when I’m in here and he’s working just in case. He doesn’t believe me and thinks I was hiding something because it was locked and I wasn’t there instantly to let him in. So AITA for locking the bedroom door while my husband works?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Impossible_Rain_4727 wrote:
NTA: Honestly, the idea that a woman who is home alone would lock an internal door is not strange.
Naturally, that is the last thing he can think of, as he has never experienced that feeling before.
OP responded:
Wait until they find out I lock the bathroom door as I poop or shower even when he is home lol.
StAlvis wrote:
INFO:
"I know it’s the cats or an appliance and if not, I have a locked barrier between me and whatever it could be."
...and you don't have, like, a front door that locks and could serve as this barrier?
"just in case."
Have you ever seen anyone about anxiety?
OP responded:
We do have front and back door locks and they’re locked at all times, unless we are directly outside. But the noises inside weird me out sometimes. If someone else is home, it’s fine. But when I am alone, they weird me out. So I just lock the door when I am home alone and I unlock it when I am sleeping so he can get in.
Tax_Goddess wrote:
Same. If I'm alone in the house at night any presumably normal noise makes me anxious. I would also lock the bedroom door.
OP responded:
Right? People are telling me to get help. I dont think locking the door when I am home alone and then leaving it unlocked when I sleep so he can come in is that crazy.
Yetikins responded:
Some people really got gaslit by bland af suburbia into thinking locking doors is weird.
Like, yeah, those interior doors' locks are not THAT difficult to overcome. But it's at least a little warning.
OP responded:
That’s my key. It’s a little warning. If the house turns out to be an intruder, I’ll have some heads up.
Something-bothersome wrote:
Okay, but I’m not sure what he thinks you are hiding?
What nefarious actions could you be hiding that you could dispose of in the time between waking up and opening the locked bedroom door for him?
This is a prove the impossible thing. He doesn’t know what he is accusing you of, because he probably can’t think of anything possible either. You are stuck because you can’t offer up any certainty because the whole situation is daft. NTA.
OP responded:
I always leave it unlocked when I go to bed so it’s never locked gone he gets home. But it took me maybe 30 seconds to gently move the cat off of me and pause the TV when he did get home and it was locked. Idk what I could hide in that time.
Preference_Afraid wrote:
NTA, I grew up in a home full of people and noise, then went to college and had roommates, and then got married....only to discover how creepy being home alone at night can be when my spouse started working a night shift.
I guess before then I'd never really been home alone like that. I locked all the doors, including the bedroom until I got used to it. Maybe it was anxiety, maybe it was just needing the feeling of extra security while I adjusted. Either way I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Seems pretty normal and a reasonable solution.
OP responded:
I lived alone for a couple years and always locked my bedroom door. Also always locked the bathroom door even though it was just me. It was a just in case sort of thing.
It’s a small thing that’s never impacted him until now. So I didn’t think about it too much.
Protection720 wrote:
NTA but I could see how it would look suspicious. Why would you be too anxious to stay in your room with the door unlocked while watching tv but okay with going to sleep, an even more vulnerable state, with it unlocked?
TenderVittles77 wrote:
NTA. I’m really concerned that this guy didn’t trust you when you gave him a perfectly reasonable, plausible explanation. That’s a red flag. If he’s unfamiliar with the concept of women being afraid when they’re home alone, I’m sure there are plenty of materials out there that he can read or watch.
But he should have believed you. That’s what makes him T A in this situation. Not his initial reaction. I’d like to make a suggestion: get an alarm system. That way if a window opens or the door opens, you can set it so there’s a chime or the system will give you so many seconds to disarm. Your husband can disarm the system when he gets home.
There are companies where systems can be taken with you if you decide to move. You can also use home automation so that when your husband’s device is near the house a lamp will turn on (or some other indicator) so that you can have a signal that he’s nearby.