'AITA for losing it on my son's father when I found out he trashed the baby's formula?'
"AITA for losing it on my son's father when I found out he trashed the baby's formula?"
So I (22f) live with my boyfriend (28m) and his parents. Despite being on birth control, our son is a oops baby. He came early at 36 weeks, had to spend a few days in the NICU and I ended up with a third degree tear and now almost 6 weeks later it still hurts to sit down and move certain ways.
I still have back pain from where they placed the epidural. My recovery has not been easy. Since my son was born early the NICU nurses gave him formula at first. I really didn't care?
I just wanted my son to be healthy and be able to come home. My son's father/boyfriend and his family have pushed me to breastfeed all through out my pregnancy. It wasn't ever something that really crossed my mind, my goal was just to have a healthy baby and we both survive.
I tried pumping with the hospital grade pump and it hurt. I tried breast feeding my son but it hurt and a lactation consultant at the hospital said I would struggle with breast feeding due to my anatomy and the fact my son has a tongue tie.
I just said ok whatever, let's give him formula. My son's father's family (especially his mom) were NOT happy about it. While I'm up at 3 am changing diapers and bottle feeding my son, she's also up and in my ear telling me how breast is best and "you never know what's exactly in formula!"
(Spoiler alert she breast fed my son's father and his 3 siblings so I guess it's like some sort of pride thing for her? Idk.) My son's father even said one time it would be "hot" to see me breast feed and to be honest that just gave me the ick so bad.
I haven't gone back to work yet (despite me applying to jobs left and right) so whatever my son's father brings in with his paychecks is how I'm surviving right now. It's been tough and I have to pretty much justify how I spend "his" money.
"Why did I spend so and so at Walmart?" Our son needed diapers, wipes and formula. A can only lasts so long. "Well why can't you start back breast feeding to save money?"
I don't want to! Our son is happy and healthy and thriving on formula. My son's father won't even make him bottles because he thinks it's "unnatural" when I supposedly can just magically make breast milk appear again.
I took my son for a walk around the neighborhood where his grandparents live and ended up being gone for like an hour. When I got back to the house, I went to make my son a bottle and found the formula canister empty.
My son is crying for his milk and I ask his father what happened to the formula can because it was still half full. He just shrugs and goes "it looked old so I threw it out" I asked him why would he do such a effing stupid thing and he yelled at me not to "talk to him that way".
Then his mom came into the kitchen and yelled at me for "disrespecting" her son. I had to grab the formula can out of the trash can and saw all of the dumped formula powder just sitting there.
At this point my son's grandma picked him up and was trying to console him but its not like she had a bottle. She started backing up my son's father saying the formula he's on always looks "expired" and old and gross. I ended up yelling "OH MY GOD" and called my son's father selfish for wasting something so important.
It ended up with his mom yelling at me to get out of her house and she refused to give me my son as he was crying. I lost it on her and screamed at her "GIVE ME MY EFFING BABY" and she threatened to call the police on me for verbally abusing her and physically abusing my son.
I ended up leaving with my son and thankfully had a sample can of his formula stashed away in the diaper bag I keep in my car. Both my son's father and grandma have texted me, asking me to come back and saying I shouldn't have been so "dramatic" and that my son's father was just "trying to be careful".
He wasted the baby’s food and put my son in a difficult situation, and he doesn’t even get it. Neither does his mom since she's backing him up on this. They're both making me feel so guilty.
I'm just trying to keep my son alive. I ended up calling my mom to talk to someone about this whole mess and she agreed with my son's grandma about how I should have breast fed (or at least used donor milk lol) but she also said I'm the mom and can make my own decisions about my son.
I feel so mad and frustrated. I'm literally sitting in my son's pediatrician's parking lot to see if they can give me any more sample cans before I go back to my son's father's house. AITA for getting mad over formula being trashed or was my son's father in the right here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. You are being abused. No matter what granny, mom, or the baby's father says, you are being abused, at least psychologically and financially. It's not about the money, it's not about him thinking breast milk is superior (and it's not - formula is an amazing invention that's helped babies thrive who would have otherwise possibly starved to death) - It's about CONTROL. That is it.
My ex got so bad that I truly believe if he would have ended up deleting me from the earth, his family still would have managed to defend his innocence. Which does happen sometimes.
NTA. He wasted your baby’s food on purpose, and they’re gaslighting you. You’re just trying to keep your baby fed don’t feel guilty for that.
Correct me if I am wrong but I thought when on formula the baby generally will not switch back. that ship has sailed.
Your boyfriend’s attitude about breastfeeding and formula is controlling and outdated, and his mom backing him up is adding more pressure. You had every right to be upset, and honestly, I’d be pissed too. They need to respect your choices and the fact that you’re doing what’s best for your son.
NTA. Do not go back to that house. It is not safe. Go find a shelter or a friend to stay with. Contact CPS and advise what happened. Your baby is unsafe in that home. A fed, happy, and healthy baby is more important than other people's opinions.