'AITA for losing weight for my friend's wedding?' 'I'm already the skinny friend.'

"AITA for losing weight for my friend's wedding although I’m already the 'skinny friend?'"

I (F28) recently lost a fair bit of weight and now my friend (F30) is saying I’m trying to upstage her at her wedding. My best friend “Emily” got engaged at the the end of last year and asked me to be a bridesmaid, I was super happy and of course said yes.

In the past 3 years I have put on some weight, about two dress sizes, it didn’t really bother me until recently so I decided to use the wedding as an excuse to loose some weight. I just find it easier to do if I have a goal and end date.

This past weekend we were bridesmaid dress shopping and Emily was acting kind of weird towards me, giving me funny looks and talking over me. The two other bridesmaids (one I’m friends with the other I don’t know very well) didn’t seem to notice so I brushed it off thinking she was just stressed.

Me and Emily live really close to each other so usually after something like this we would hang out for the day at one of our houses. At the end of the appointment I asked her who’s house she wanted to go to and she scoffed and told me she was going home. I asked what was wrong and this is when she went off on me.

I don’t remember word for word what she said because I was so confused and shocked. But these are the bits I remember- she basically said it was clear I was trying to lose weight to upstage her for her wedding, that I was already “the skinny friend” and now I’m just trying to make it all about me especially as I never cleared my weigh loss with her.

She said I clearly knew what I was doing was wrong because I was still wearing oversized clothes to disguise my weight loss - I just haven’t updated my wardrobe and prefer to be comfortable over wearing tight fitting stuff.

I don’t consider myself skinny, but I am the smallest out of the four of us. I also didn’t think about how changing my appearance would affect her vision for her wedding. I’ve never been a bridesmaid before so I don’t know if that was something I should have considered? So I don’t think I’m the AH for losing the weight - unless I am? But AITA for not telling her I was going to lose weight?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Frosty-Wood said:

"Cleared your weight loss with her?" Is she kidding? That is the stupidest and most controlling thing ever. Some people. SMH. NTA.

Cat_got_ya_tongue said:

NTA. Your weight is none of Emily’s business. The only time it matters is after the dresses have been bought (and even then it’s just about telling the bride and organizing alterations). I am so sick of brides that think they get to control weight or hair color of their bridesmaids. Prepare yourself OP, Emily is probably just getting started.

chapter_zero_99 said:

NTA. You're not required to “clear” personal health decisions with anyone, wedding or not. Her reaction says way more about her insecurities than your actions.

AilshaBilaiO_o said:

NTA. It's your weight, not attire, so it doesn't need to match her preferences for the wedding. Losing weight is a personal choice, and you're not obligated to tell her about it.

Maybe she's always been a bit jealous when you were "skinnier" in her eyes. Otherwise, she wouldn't have noticed or reacted so negatively right away. Hope things smooth over quickly for you guys.

SourGummyDrops said:

NTA. You don’t need permission to “clear my weight loss with her” nor from anyone else. If a dress she paid for that you need to wear has to be altered due to the weight loss, then the extra expense could be one reason for her outburst, aside from her insecurity.

But you just went bridesmaid dress shopping so it’s not an issue. I hope things will be better with her attitude towards you before she says more things against you.

EnigmaGuy said:

NTA. Crazy to make someone else’s health and weight loss about them.