'AITA for lying to my coworkers that I moved far away so I wouldn't have to give them a ride home anymore?'
"AITA for lying to my coworkers that I moved far away so I wouldn't have to give them a ride home anymore?"
mir82jp
I work at a restaurant/diner near my University campus and the majority of my coworkers are international students without a car. Those being our cooks, while the three other servers have cars.
I started a year ago and ever since I got my car, they've been non stop asking for rides home when we close the store at around 10:30 PM. It'll be 1-2 people per ride everytime and they use to ask hours in advance before we clocked out and were ready to go home.
I would reluctantly agree because I am the keyholder and I have to stay and lock up the store and set the alarm and watch everyone leave. It's either we clock out in time after they ask me for a ride home or we're waiting about 20 minutes past close for some ride they called.
Over time I thought this would go away but our boss continues to hire more and more international students without a car. And I think the others tell them I give rides and it's become "expected of me" from the coworkers, to the point they won't even ask me for a ride until we clocked out and I thought they're other ride was here because they didn't mention it AT ALL to me.
PSA NOBODY has ever offered me gas money or any compensation for driving them home. Even if it's on MY way home, it's still gas, time, and I have to force conversation when I'm extremely tired and worn out because they won't stop talking.
One of our other servers mentioned they probably don't even understand to give me gas money because they're from India and they didn't even know until recently you're supposed to tip servers and food delivery people.
But a few weeks ago I went on a three week trip to Japan and I have no idea how these people have been getting home. First day I come back, me and this other girl clock out and we're walking to the door and she asks "do you remember where I live?" and I said "what??" and she's like "can you drive me home?"
and I just flat out lied and said I moved forty minutes away and I need to go home. she was SHOCKED I said no and started calling everyone she knew and nobody got her. and then begged me to drive her home saying it's only 10 minutes away. I had to drive her home. No gas money compensation. nothing.
All the other servers know I'm lying and they fully agree but I think some of the cooks caught on and they're really upset with me because I'm known as like the "really nice one" to work with. Quiet, does their job, doesn't really manage that much even if I'm a little more in charge than most people. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
kurokomainu
NTA You made the mistake of letting it creep up until everyone became entitled (even the onlookers) and when that happens they will get angry when you stop doing the favor you were never obligated to do in the first place -- because in their minds it somehow has magically become an obligation simply through repetition. You always do it, so you should do it. You're a bad guy if you don't.
This is a predictable pattern and something you should be very aware of from now on. Start exactly as you mean to go on, because this is what happens if you don't. You always need to extrapolate several steps ahead to think of what will predictably happen if you go along with or say yes to something like this.
mir82jp (OP)
Yeah I made a huge mistake. Ah I love the unpaid taxi driver word too, about to put it in my resume as a volunteer service! hahha.
OkeyDokey654
NTA. First, tell everyone that you’re no longer able to give them rides. Announce it at the beginning of your next shift. Don’t give a reason, just say “that doesn’t work for me any more.” What will we do? “Same thing you did while I was gone.”
Second, stop waiting for them. Your responsibility is to see them out the door, not to hang around until their rides show up. You might even tell them “we should be ready to lock up in 30 minutes, so everyone who needs a ride can make a quick phone call now.”
servingtop
NTA, but maybe start setting limits and telling people you'll only drive them home if they give compensation. NTA....but just tell them no. The lying makes you seem like TA.
Start by announcing (maybe you have a team meeting? Notice board? Teamapp?) that you will not be available for rides anymore, and you expect people to take care of this themselves from now on. So there will be no confusion about this. Anyone who doesn't take care of it, will have to call an Uber or taxi.
Alternatively..if your boss feels differently, tell him/her they can pay you for the extra time and expenses. If you want to make some extra money, you could also communicate how much you will be charging per ride from now on....cash only, paid upfront. Might be a nice little side business. 😉
paul_rudds_drag_race
NTA too common a problem. The majority of non-drivers I’ve helped out over the years have felt entitled to countless rides and didn’t offer to help with fuel costs. Life got cheaper and easier once I refused to help that way anymore except for a couple of considerate people who only needed occasional help.
Carting someone around who doesn’t reciprocate can feel like having a kid in some ways lol. “Just” a few minutes here and there adds up, and it’s easy to think nothing of such favors when one isn’t the one always providing them.