'AITA for getting mad about my gym giving my husband’s ex-wife my account info?' MAJOR UPDATE
"AITA for getting mad about my gym letting my husband’s ex wife gain my account information?"
My ex and I have been divorced for about 8 years. It was a high conflict divorce/custody case that caused me a lot of trauma. We are both remarried. I attend a fitness studio occasionally and created an account (my account) for my 14 year old daughter to start taking classes - she had only taken about two over winter break.
I received a text yesterday confirming an upcoming reservation in a class. I didn’t make this reservation and noticed my account was logged out so I immediately called the fitness studio.
Apparently my ex husband’s new wife (the 14 yo’s stepmom) was in the same gym and asked the front desk to change all the contact information on my daughter’s account (also mine)- address, email address, phone number, etc. but not my payment information. So she could log into said account and have access to my payment/billing info.
AITA for being absolutely livid over this? I feel like a complete breach of privacy has happened. I’m mad at the studio for allowing it to happen and for the stepmom for not asking me about it or just creating a separate account for my daughter with her own payment information.
The fitness studio has not really taken any blame but offered to change the account info back - they state they weren’t alarmed because the stepmom has the same last name as my daughter. Apparently the stepmom was trying to sign my daughter up for classes over the summer but she never consulted with me before changing , and locking me out of my account.
I let the fitness studio, and my ex husband, have it.. and basically told them this is wrong on so many levels but now I’m a little embarrassed and honestly worried my ex will use this against me somehow. AITA?
The internet had a lot of thoughts to share.
Anoomanoo wrote:
Did you talk to the manager? If not, please do so. Or owner. BTW - cancel the card or whatever you pay with on that account and get a new one. If you are NOT getting satisfactory answers from the studio, please go to another one.
OP responded:
Yes I’ve been talking to the manager and it seems to be some back and forth thing where I am expecting more empathy but they just keep saying they have resolved this by changing the info back. But then they said I yelled at the staff and that staff member is going to write a statement (which came across as threatening/retaliation to me). I didn’t cuss or anything but yes I was “passionate”
riririnaa wrote:
NTA. The fitness studio had no business adding your exes new wife to your account. I would be livid if any of my account information was given to another person without my consent. There are several privacy laws to protect consumers in these situations. I would file a complaint with corporate since they’re being so nonchalant about breaching your privacy.
OP responded:
Thanks.. unfortunately, or fortunately, this is a local place.
riririnaa responded:
I’m sorry the manager isn’t being empathetic and has made you feel bad about your reaction. Giving another person access to your account and payment information is unacceptable. Maybe write a 1-star Google and Yelp review and try to reach out to the owner directly if it’s a different person than the manager?
OP responded:
So I did this and she wrote back the most awful response, calling me a liar and claimed they tried to contact me to talk this over (they hadn’t). They claimed i yelled at their employe (I did raise my voice and tell them they really need to get it together, but respectfully if that makes). I was just scared it would impact my custody situation somehow so I deleted the review.
Complex-Influence-83 wrote:
NTA. You should probably report this to law enforcement so that an officer can go speak to fitness studio owner/ manager. This is a major privacy/ data breach. They likely broke protocol and should have called you first to confirm that you were okay with the change. You should contact the studio owner if they were not present to ensure they are aware of what happened.
You and your ex husband also need to have a calm, respectful discussion about your boundaries when it comes to spouses. This was an overstep on his wife’s part, but he is responsible for co-parenting successfully with you. Most importantly, keep your daughter outside of the drama. Make sure she knows it isn’t her fault, she didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s a grown up issue.
OP responded:
Good points and yes...I didn’t mention any of this to her but of course she comes to me telling me she heard I made a “huge deal” out of this. I tried to explain to her I needed to stand up for my boundaries and privacy and has noting to do with her being able to attend the fitness classes, hopefully she will understand ugh
[deleted] wrote:
You aren’t wrong to be angry with the business for changing your information. If the stepmom asked for the information to be changed, she overstepped. Maybe she asked to book a class and they changed the information.
They should have opened a separate account for the stepmom to book classes.
Unless you know for sure that she asked them to access your personal information, I would put the blame on the business where it belongs.
As for being angry about her booking a class for your daughter, if you and your ex share custody and you don’t consult him on the activities in which you enroll your daughter, you can’t expect the same courtesy from him. Any stepparent that steps up to love your child is okay in my book.
OP responded:
I’m not necessarily angry about her booking a class for my daughter but I guess how she went about it. My ex knew about the fitness classes and that is how the stepmom knew she had an account there if that makes sense.
The next day, OP shared an update.
Update: The studio sent me an email stating that the plan was to have the stepmom use a feature in MindBody (the booking app) that allows you to pay for another client’s classes. (Is this ok? If this is true, do I deserve a heads up?) They said the stepmom didn’t ask to change the password (but I couldn’t log in when my email address was changed.)
I currently live in a small town (but was raised in the city) and apparently the owners of this gym/fitness studio are friends with the stepmom which explains why they seem to be defending her ugh They asked to meet in person. I spoke with my lawyer and I wrote them a response, basically with all my grievances +!saying I didn’t want to communicate anymore, and copied him.
I filed a police report mainly for documentation. I hadn’t said anything to my daughter about any of this. When I picked her up the other day, she was so angry and said i made a “huge deal” and now she can’t attend the classes. I told her I never ever said she can’t attend classes.
(Of course I’m reconsidering that now based off this whole thing). And she seemed to understand how it was a violation of a boundary but of course I’m annoyed with her dad/stepmom for even bringing her into it all like that…
The responses kept coming in.
[deleted] wrote:
Don't forget that she did in fact make charges against your credit card!!!!
She signed up your daughter for classes and used your credit card for it. This is fraud.
OP responded:
No, I caught it in time before this happened.
Due-Use1142 wrote:
It's seems like identity theft. Account was handed over to step but OP was supposed to pay for it. How irresponsible are the gym employees.
imamage_fightme wrote:
This is the sort of s#$t that I hate about small town businesses. Because the step-mother is friends with the owner, they think they can do whatever they want and just get away with it.
Frankly I don't understand the law enough to know if reporting this situation to the police would help, but OP definitely needs to be documenting it all with her custody lawyer at the bare minimum. And based on her daughter's reaction (clearly she was informed by her father or the step-mother) I am getting major parental alienation vibes.