'AITA for being mad at my wife saying breaking up with her ex was 'one of her biggest regrets?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for being mad at my wife saying breaking up with her ex was 'one of her biggest regrets' to friend who is dating him?"
It's pretty much just the title....
The other day, one of my wife's friend was talking to her about a guy she was dating. It just happened to be my wife's ex.
The convo went to the friend having some doubts about the guy. My wife said this and I quote.
"He is the sweetest and most wonderful guy. Breaking up with him is one of my biggest regrets"
And my immediate response was "Excuse me?"
And it took my wife too long to catch on. She was like "What?' And it took her a while to process what she said. I told her never mind for now, and let her finish the convo with her friend. Granted, her friend left pretty soon after that.
We talked about it, and honestly I'm still pretty pissed...she said she just got caught with it, and that she didn't really mean it.
Honestly, it didn't make me feel any better tbh. I've been keeping some space from her.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
WinterFront1431 wrote:
I bet her friend felt same way as you.
-Nightopian- wrote:
Probably why the friend left shortly afterwards.
IAm5toned wrote:
For real man I would have been like Homer Fading Into the Bush on that one.
A month later, OP shared an update.
It hasn't been good for our marriage.
I feel so unloved by my wife right now. Honestly, ever since she said that, it feels like I just want to get further away from her. She still refuses to apologize, and keeps insisting that "she didn't mean it that way". She told me she's getting sick of this.
I really don't want to divorce over this of all things, and we are gonna go into counseling. I want to at least try. But damn, I have never felt so lonely in my life. I don't even want to look at her.
The comments kept coming.
Complete-Record5167 wrote:
I would be done. It was hurtful itself but refusing to apologize would seal it for me.
TaytorTot417 wrote:
Correct. This happened with my ex husband. He betrayed my trust and I was hurt. Instead of apologizing he kept doubling down. He would rather be right than help me heal. BYE.
rosemarythymesage wrote:
Heavy on the “rather be right than help me heal.” That kind of BS shows up when someone is trying to “win” a conflict. Like bro, our relationship is a partnership, NOT a competition.
Putrid_Wealth_3832 wrote:
How can you stay married to someone knowing that she cares so little for your feelings?
trvllvr wrote:
She won’t even own up to what she said and apologize. Shows how little regard she has for OP and their feelings.
Six weeks later, OP shared another update.
We are separated now. We have been having trouble finding a counselor that we are both comfortable with. And fights have happened more often.
I gave up on my marriage once she said that her ex probably wouldn't be such a whiny baby and that she was right in regretting breaking up with him.
I think she realized what she said and she tried to take it back. She said "no, no, I'm sorry I didn't mean it"
I was already halfway done with this marriage. After hearing that, I don't think we can come back from this.
I'm speaking to a divorce lawyer.
I feel terrible. I feel like an idiot. I feel so alone right now. I just don't know how to feel. Honestly, posting this helps a bit. Helps gets my thoughts together.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Far_Prior1058 wrote:
Listen to your lawyer. Focus on finding a counselor for yourself. If you can try to get away for just a weekend without her. Good luck.
OP responded:
Well, thinking about it now, there was a counselor I liked that my wife didn't. Might go to them if they do individual sessions.
1sinthefutureking wrote:
Talk to a therapist as well. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My STBX-wife would also make comments negatively comparing me to other men, so I intimately understand how lonely and inadequate that can make you feel.
Good luck. Find your strength.
Shutout_whatthey_say wrote:
She conned you. This is not a reflection on you. She entered a marriage by lying. It was doomed from the start no matter what you did or could have done. Listen to your attorney. Do not settle. Stick out the process. It will be worth it. And she did you a favor: now you get to go find and be with a woman who wants you and not her ex.
Internal_Statement74 wrote:
Your soon to be ex is a special kind of stupid. She said something that kills most marriages and had plenty of time to think about what she said, then went ahead and doubled down. That is a special kind of stupid. I think she enjoys hurting you. Good luck in your divorce, you will thrive in the years to come.
scarves_and_miracles wrote:
Yeah, when your marriage is already on life support over your comments about this ex, that follow-up statement basically amounts to pulling the plug. That was very much the wrong time to lose her temper in that way.