Maid of Honor bails one week before the wedding, 'then it clicked: this WASN'T fake.' AITA?

"AITA for stepping down as MOH a week before my sister’s wedding?"

My sister (Trisha, 28) has been with her fiancé (Jack, 27) since 2022. Jack proposed in the winter of 2023, and everything seemed great. Trisha asked me (30, F) to be her maid of honor, and I accepted.

In October 2023, I logged into Instagram (which I rarely check) to upload a photo. In the “people you may know” section, I noticed a profile that looked exactly like my sister, but under a different name.

I assumed it was another fake account, since that’s happened before, so I took a screenshot and posted it in our family Facebook group chat saying, “Looks like someone made another fake account of Trisha.” Jack replied, “Oh God, not again.”

Out of curiosity, I Googled the name from the profile. That’s when I found an OnlyFans, an X-rated Twitter, a Facebook page, and that Instagram—all tied to that alias. That’s when it clicked: this wasn’t a fake. It was Trisha, using a different name.

She was bartending that night, and I’m close friends with her boss, so I called the bar and asked to speak with her. When I asked her if the name sounded familiar, she said, “Oh f.” I explained I had shared the screenshot in the family group chat, thinking it was a fake account.

She got furious, hung up on me, and deactivated all the accounts—but not before Jack saw them. Trisha lied and told everyone someone else created the accounts to sabotage her relationship.

By this point, I had already spent over $1,000 on her wedding—buying my dress, shoes, and flower girl dresses for my daughters. Then in November, a high school friend DM'ed me asking if Trisha was still engaged. I said yes. She sent me evidence that Trisha had been cheating on Jack. I confronted Trisha, and she denied everything.

In December, someone messaged me on TikTok asking if I knew a guy—I didn’t. Weeks later, the same person replied and said, “My bad, I thought you were your sister. You two look alike. Turns out this guy has been cheating on me, your sister, and another woman since June.” Again, I sent this to Trisha—she denied it all.

Yesterday, I expressed my frustration to Trisha. I told her I’m happy to be in her wedding—but only if she’s taking it seriously. She replied, “I don’t want someone in my wedding if it’s an inconvenience to them.”

Then today, I noticed a new Snapchat friend suggestion under a different username—but it was Trisha. We’ve been connected for years on Snapchat, so this felt off. A few minutes later, I saw that I was blocked. I asked my girlfriend to look up the account, and she wasn’t blocked.

That was the final straw. I called my mom to tell her everything and said I wanted to step down as maid of honor. Her response? That I’m being selfish, the wedding is a week away, and I need mental help because I “push family away.”

Now I’m wondering: I know the timing sucks, and I have spent a lot on this wedding—but given everything that’s happened, am I the ahole for wanting to step down? (Note: Jack has seen the evidence of Trisha doing all of this for himself already and chooses not to believe what he sees with his own eyes. The instagram happened October 2023.)

Here's what people had to say about this one:

BringMeAPinotGrigio said:

YTA - at any point after the first "fake" account you could have stepped away from Trish and Jack's drama, but a week before the wedding isn't it that time. If he's been kept informed this entire time, he's either in on your sister's online behavior (open relationship, condones her income through only fans, etc)...

Or he's choosing to ignore it. That's their decision and it doesn't involve you. Just show up, smile, and take a break from tracking your sister's internet habits for the day.

TALKTOME0701 said:

YTA. That's an awful lot of coincidences of you just finding out things about your sister. You have plenty of time to step down. Waiting until now is an ahole thing to do, but I get the feeling you like making your sister miserable. Who posted to a "fake" account to Facebook about something like that? My sister's not the best, but I'm glad she's not you.

Donutsmell said:

You and your sister are both TA. She for the obvious reasons. She shouldn’t be marrying someone she is clearly not committed to. You assumed she was hacked and told everyone without talking to her first.

You have also had continuous confirmation for literally months that she is cheating. It’s weird you stayed committed to being in the wedding until a week before. You don’t know anything now that you didn’t know in December.

Toepale said:

YTA. It seems like you have a problem with your sister. Are you jealous of her or something? You are certainly well within your right not to be a MOH. But the extent to which you have gone to investigate your own sister is quite strange. I mean none of the things you are investigating her for has anything to do with your relationship with her as a sister.

urgasmic said:

YTA imo. No one else cares so I don't know what stand you are taking. If Jack wants this then whatever. He’s the only person who gets to have a problem with it in my opinion. And if he wants to be in denial happy for him.

roseofjuly said:

ESH. You knew your sister was cheating on Jack back in October 2023, when you found her OnlyFans and her other social media. You knew by her reaction that she recognized it.

This was confirmed for you again in November and December. Why did you wait until the week before the wedding to step down? You waited 5 months to express your frustration to something that first happened almost two years ago?

Yes, that is a d move. Trish is terrible but she should've at least had the opportunity to make a contingency plan.

FatChance68 said:

NTA. I know several people who ignored evidence over and over again, but eventually it piles up to the point that they can’t keep sticking their head in the sand. Your sister is a serial cheater. However, if you want to maintain your relationship with her, you should let it go and be in the wedding.

You’ve done what you can and the groom is still going forward with it. If you absolutely cannot stomach her behavior to the point that you think you should limit contact, then don’t go. Either way, you are still NTA if you decide to drop out.