Maid of Honor drops out the wedding after bride switches venues, 'it's a 5 hour drive.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to pay for my friend's wedding after she changed the venue?"

So, my (28F) best friend "Lily" (29F) has been planning her wedding for over a year. Initially, it was going to be a small, intimate ceremony at a local park with just close friends and family. She asked me to be her maid of honor, which I was thrilled about.

Everything was going smoothly until a month ago when Lily told me that she and her fiancé had decided to change the venue. Apparently, they got an offer for a grand, extravagant venue that was "too good to pass up," and they were going to invite over 200 people, including distant relatives and some of their fiancé's work colleagues. The problem is, the new venue is out of town, about a 5-hour drive away.

I told Lily that I was really excited for her but explained that, given the distance and the costs involved, I might not be able to attend. It would mean booking a hotel, taking time off work, and spending a lot more money than I had planned. She told me not to worry and said I should "just figure it out" because I was her maid of honor, and she wanted me there no matter what.

As the wedding day neared, I realized I could barely afford the costs associated with attending, let alone the dress and the other expenses. I sat down with Lily and explained that I really couldn’t swing it financially. I was happy to still help in the lead-up to the wedding, but I couldn’t justify spending thousands of dollars for a weekend I hadn’t planned for.

Her response was that it was disappointing, but "being a maid of honor means being there for the big moments." She said if I didn't come, it would be a huge letdown, and it might even affect our friendship. I felt incredibly guilty, but I couldn’t justify putting myself into debt for a wedding that suddenly turned into a huge production, especially since it was never what she initially planned.

I ended up telling her that I couldn’t afford it and wouldn't be attending. She’s been really cold with me since and has even hinted that I’m not being a true friend. I’m starting to feel like maybe I should have just sucked it up and found a way to make it work, but I don’t think I should have to go broke for a wedding. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

eyesforvenus said:

NTA get new friends.

Ok_Risk_3271 said:

"She told me not to worry and said I should "just figure it out" because I was her maid of honor, and she wanted me there no matter what." LMAO. So don't worry about it, but just worry about it. She is obnoxious.

fuzzball79 said:

NTA if your friend doesn’t understand your situation then they are not your friend. Guilting you shows it.

Tall-Negotiation6623 said:

NTA. If a “friend” tells you that you are only a true friend if you spend thousands of dollars on their plans, that you have no way to impact or control, then they are not your friend. Friends show understanding when someone’s economy doesn’t let them attend. Let her be childish about it and be grateful that you are rid of a trash friend like her.

Inside-Property-4579 said:

You’re NTA…Bridezilla is.

Quiet_Village_1425 said:

NTA. She was never really your friend.

Odd_Task8211 said:

NTA. Brides need to get it through their heads that their friends can’t go into debt for their weddings. If your friend can’t handle that, you need a better class of friends.

DanaMarie75038 said:

NTA. If she wants you there, she should pay.