"AITA for making my boyfriend go to work?"
I (34F) woke up my boyfriend (33M) today abruptly because he was sleeping in and likely planning on missing work again. Things were pretty tense until he left. For some background, my boyfriend misses work often. I would say 5-6 days a month if not more because of his poor habits. At least 1-2 times during the work week he will drink and stay up late playing video games.
Then will end up missing work the next day from either being hungover or tired. He generally will then sleep all day and ruin his sleep schedule and end up being up all night and missing work again the next day. Yesterday I had a scheduled day off and I would not speak to him all day.
When I finally calmed down I told him if he doesn't stop asking like a teenager and get his crap together he needed to move out (he moved into my apartment about 9 months ago) We've had this discussion multiple times in the past and I feel like because I don't follow through with my boundaries that he takes advantage of it.
Anyways today he wasn't waking up so I stormed into our bedroom and started getting ready for work, he asked me what my problem was and I told him I was mad he clearly wasn't going to work again. He ended up getting up and going but I do feel guilty about waking him up in a rage.
He doesn't understand why it bothers me when he misses work, I tell him it's a turn off to be in a relationship with someone who has no work ethic and also a big red flag. I've tried talking to him about his mental health and he insists he isn't depressed.
I honestly think he has a drinking problem and is generally just lazy. I love him a lot so I'm at a loss of what to do but I know I can't be with someone who is so irresponsible. He does pay rent and half of everything, I refuse to let him live off my money but he is constantly broke after bills for missing days/ over spending on stupid stuff.
I've asked him before if it bothers his boss and he basically tells me it does but his boss isn't doing anything about it (not sure why) I have made it very clear if he gets fired he has to move out.
He works a blue collar job in a fairly specialized field and he is very good at his job (when he shows up) so I think his boss just doesn't want to invest time in training someone else as they haven't had luck in the past with new employees...
I do know he is going to work when he goes because I have his location and can see in at the shop in the mornings. We do not have children and I have made it very clear I do not want any. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
readergirl35 said:
For context in my young 20s my friends and I would go out on the weekends and have more than a few too many. I have gotten home, slept for an hour and gone to work. I have gone home, changed my clothes and gone to work. Even at that age I never once missed work because I'd been partying the night before.
It's one thing to call in sick when you are sick. It's another thing to call in sick because you acted like an ahole the night before and are paying the price. He is 33. If he were going to outgrow this he would have done it already.
So when you say you don't want to live with someone who has no work ethic what you mean is that he has to move out. Rethink this relationship very seriously. It's not going to get any better than it is.
Fancy-Furball said:
NTA - he basically needs to grow up and realize that the world doesn't owe him. You are carrying him now and he doesn't even appreciate that. Red flags flying all over.
spinmeggo said:
NTA. Having just left someone exactly like this, I can guarantee he is missing more work than you are aware of. It took me far too long to see through it all, you’re seeing through it already — time to make the right choice for you, at 33 it’s hard to see him finally deciding to change.
Practical_Air4809 said:
NTA. Your partner sucks. You should get a new one.
fuchsnudeln said:
NTA, but why are you even dating someone who acts like that at his big age? That's embarrassing for you; have some self respect and leave.
mad30000 said:
NTA, but you are turning into his mother. That is not healthy for either of you. I didn’t process the ages and thought maybe you were in your early 20s. I don’t think this guy is going to change, I would move on.