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'AITA for making a dad joke?' 'My step-daughter was just QUIET with embarrassment.' MINI UPDATE

'AITA for making a dad joke?' 'My step-daughter was just QUIET with embarrassment.' MINI UPDATE

"AITA for making a dad joke?"

Note: My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born. Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her.

Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you." Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as you're in my house, you have to follow my rules.”

That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.”

My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My step-daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.” I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA?

EDIT:

I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent.

MINI UPDATE:

I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad.

I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

said

YTA but a small one, it's a fun joke but wrong audience...Edit: well done recovery.

said:

ESH. But A+ for execution.

kellybelle_94 said:

NTA if it was a one time thing. Teenagers are a special test of our patience.

Brandelyn1135 said:

NTA. She is old enough to know that words have power. While you may have said it in a joking manner, she got to feel a little bit of what you felt when she said you were not her father.

That being said, this is an opportunity to sit down with her and let her know that you do love her, very much consider yourself her father, and then let it ride. Teenage girls are hard on their parents in the best of circumstances. Go with God.

said:

ESH. My dad is not my biological father and when I was a teen I went through similar angst and wanted to lash out. Now I had the good sense to know that saying something like that would be EXTREMELY hurtful so I never did.

But also if my dad ever said something like that, especially in front of my brother who is his biological son I would’ve been heartbroken. I think you need to sit down and have a discussion with her about those kinds of comments, in my opinion if you don’t this is gonna hurt her for a long time.

said:

Well, biology aside, do you see yourself as her dad? Because I'm betting you do, and the fact that you'd say you aren't, in public no less, is probably confirming her own adolescent fears.

She is probably actually insecure about you not being her "real" dad, and I bet that makes her worry that you won't always be there for her. She's a kid and you're an adult, you have to show her the right way to be and be the role model she needs. YTA. Apologize.

ManuSwaG said:

Small YTA here. If it was your biological daughter it would be okay. But she is your step-daughter. I know you love her but she can be really insecure because you are not her "real" dad. When she said that to you you were little bit hurt. But she could be devastated. Hearing that can really make her mind spin. And your wife is right. You stepped to her level.

said:

YTA. Some jokes step on foreseeable, lurking weak spots in a relationship and should not be made, ever. The fear that many step parents and step children have, of being less, is one of them. Your stepdaughter also shouldn't have pulled that weapon in your argument, but it is more forgivable in a teen who is still learning emotional intelligence than an adult.

You could have used this argument as a teaching moment not to go nuclear in a fight if you value a relationship. Instead you reinforced the behavior by doing it yourself for a cheap point. Not cool. PS. You're also TA for using what your (seemingly bio?) son thinks as rationalization for disregarding what your step-kid feels about a step-kid joke.

Sources: Reddit
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