'AITA for making my daughter put her feminine hygiene items back after she publicly disrespected me?'

"AITA for making my daughter put her feminine hygiene items back from the trolley after she disrespected me in front of others at the supermarket?"

I am a 43 year old mother of a 25 year old daughter who still lives at home with me and my 56 year old husband (her biological father). For the longest time she has developed a nasty attitude towards me starting around the age she began puberty. I thought it was a phase but it continued on into her adulthood. My daughter dropped out of university to do drugs, party and be promiscuous.

I have tried to seek help for and have tried to supported her to the best of my abilities. I truly love her but she is so mean to me. My husband lets my daughter get away with all sorts of things. She is allowed to break curfew. She can talk back to me whenever I ask a simple request. Basically my husband rewards her behavior and I am sick of it. My daughter has never had a job in her whole entire life.

My husband provides her with an allowance that she blows on materialistic things. She has no concept of saving money even though I have tried to teach. In fact she tell me to piss off and mind my own business when ever I try to help her.

My daughter is dependent on us financially. She believes she is entitled to all we provide for her. I would have cut the umbilical cord a long time ago but my dearest hubby said that she is not prepared to do that just yet. To add, my daughter does no housework around the house because my husband believe's "it is the wife's job to do all that."

Yesterday, I took my daughter shopping at our local supermarket. My daughter begins putting boxes of tampons, medicine for period pains, junk food like chocolate and LOTS of clearance makeup into the trolley. We both line up at the registers and wait. My daughter is standing incredibly close to an older lady in front of us.

I told my daughter politely "Please stand back from her." My daughter looked me right at the face, gave me a dirty look and ignored my reasonable request. I ask her again. My daughter takes a step back, looks at me like I just punched her, sighs, rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

I snap and tell her "Are you going to pay for your stuff or are you expecting me to pay for it?" She says she has no money so I cut her off and say "well you can take everything out and put it back on the shelf. Do it now"

She asks but "it is that time of the month and I need these" I said "tough luck. take the food, tampons, medicine and makeup and put it back. I am not paying for it. If you do end up "making a mess" down there you can learn to wash your own underwear"

She reluctantly did as she was told and I ended up paying for my items. We got home and she cried to her father and he says I was horrible for not paying for her "girl things." She said I embarrassed her in front of everyone and now my husband is ignoring me. I don't know if I was in the wrong here but I thought maybe that would teach my daughter a lesson. Was I TA for now buying her tampons and chewing her out?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Anyone peep those ages? OP was 18 when she had her daughter. Her husband was 31. He undermines her constantly with their daughter's discipline and is now giving her the silent treatment. She wanted to cut the cord but husband said no and has enabled daughter to be completely dependent on them.

He forces OP to do all the housework. Their daughter has learned she can go to dad and he will always take her side and ignore or punish mom. She says in a comment she has no friends or family, only her husband and daughter.

It's easy to say OP is the villain here, but boy oh boy does this sound like a situation her husband has engineered since he was a man in his 30s knocking up a teenager to make her the punching bag. I feel sorry for you, OP. I hope you talk to a therapist because none of this is normal.

imdonewiththisnow said:

This sounds like it's wayyyyy more of an issue with you an your husband to me. I can't even imagine how you two interact on a daily basis if he actually talks to you like that about your daughter???? Like, seriously, it sounds like your relationship needs more work than anything here.

OP responded:

I am not sure. I alway thought our relationship was normal. He has become cold to me over the years after my miscarriage of our second child. My daughter was around 14 when it happened and I think it all affected us emotionally that day.

badb-crow said:

ESH. Tbh if I was you I'd divorce your husband and completely distance myself from the both of them.

ughnamesarehard said:

ESH. Saying no to the makeup and chocolate would have been a reasonable thing to do. Saying no to her tampons? Yeah sorry, that’s an a$$hole thing to do. You could have told her you expect her to pay you back or something but telling her to put the tampons away is an asshole thing to do.

mandykaz said:

Ok what the hell is going on in your house? You and your husband are not doing your daughter any favors by letting her live like a child at 35 with no responsibilities, please stand up for yourself and tell your tragic daughter it’s time to grow up and your jerk of a husband that it’s time for some changes. You have options! Don’t live like this

OP responded:

It's hard you know? I don't have any support outside of my husband and daughter. I keep trying and trying but my advances keep getting shut down. I am so angry and sad.

my-witty-reddit-name said:

NTA. However, at 25, she is an adult and needs to take care of herself. You are only enabling her which will hurt her in the long run. Time to put your foot down.

OP responded:

I am not sure how anymore. Every attempt I make it shut down by my husband. All my efforts are for nothing.

And cstatus94 said:

NTA. She is 25 years old. Doesn't matter if they were feminine products or not she is old enough to be responsible for her own expenses.

Good luck, OP.