"AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because I won't watch their dogs?"

My parents (82M, 75F) asked if I would help them book a much needed vacation. They also asked me to do the same for my brother (43) and SIL (33), because they wanted to take a family vacation in September. My husband (46) and I (41F) can't afford to go because i am currently out of a job.

Even though this would be the first family vacation I will have ever missed and it made me really sad, I said I would of course help. My mom even mentioned to me that in a way it's good because I'd be able to watch my brother's pugs and my parents' chihuahua.

Here's the thing about watching the dogs. It's a 24/7 job that requires me to stay at my brother's house. The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance. Because of this, I have been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dogsitter (money isn't an issue for him).

I've dogsat for them 3 times this past year varying from 1 to 5 nights. They paid me well. But I do not feel comfortable staying at their house and I find the round the clock care exhausting. My husband and I have 5 cats, and we are no stranger to feeling like our pets are our kids, but we don't have dogs for a reason.

Now, I'm supposed to be booking this trip for my brother, but he hasn't even asked me about watching the dogs. Sunday at family dinner, everyone is there except my SIL who was ill. My brother was sitting across from me so I reach out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs, but I can't watch them when they go on vacation and that he needs to get a dogsitter.

I said it was just too much to ask me to be trapped at their house for 7 nights, and that I have been asking him to hire a dogsitter for nearly a decade. I even offer suggestions and said I'll help find someone.

He starts to get reactive and says that they won't watch my cats anymore. I said that's fine, we have a cat sitter, but I point out that I ask them if they can help. They, on the other hand, didn't ask me.

My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask 7 nights and 5 dogs. Excuse me? Yes, 5 dogs, because his MIL apparently was planning to go too. So now added to the mix are 2 Italian greyhounds.

I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were 5 dogs. Can he imagine how I felt? He seemed to understand. By the time I left dinner, there were hugs and kisses and all was well. I knew my brother was upset, but he seemed to understand and I was really proud of putting up boundaries.

The next evening, I call my parents to see if they have heard from my brother. Apparently he called them after he got home from family dinner and was "blindsided" by me. My SIL was just as upset as him too.

They think I'm throwing a tantrum because I can't go on the vacation. While yes, that sucks, I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for 7 nights. Now they are canceling the vacation because I wont watch the dogs. AITA for telling them i wont do it?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Having-hope3594 said:

NTA. They are grown people who had plenty of time to find arrangements for their dogs. Didn’t they have somebody else to watch the dogs when you all traveled together? Is this a weird ploy to punish you by making you feel guilty or something? Seems reactive.

ParsimoniousSalad said:

NTA. They can hire a pet-sitter. It's not your household to take responsibility for.

OP responded:

I can book like a travel agent and waive my commission so they can save a few hundred. I realize how awful that sounds in context of this post, but it's easy for me to do and as someone that loves to do things for others but currently doesn't have the budget for it, it's something I'm happy to do.

VeronicaSawyer8 said:

"Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs." Good. If they can't afford a pet sitter then they can't afford the vacay. This is not your problem. NTA.

And OP responded:

To be clear they can afford to pay a professional, but they prefer to pay me because they trust me completely with the dogs and the house. I understand their anxiety as a pet owner myself, but I was not expecting to feel like the villain for this, which is why I thought maybe I was in the wrong somehow.

**Update, 4 days later**

My brother apologized and we were having a very good and calm conversation. We were getting to a point where I was willing to make a compromise because I finally felt heard.

Then my SIL, who had had an attitude the whole time, snappily said "okay so what do we need to do to resolve this". Things started to get heated because I felt her tension and tried to acknowledge it.

I said that I was really hurt by my SILs actions. I left it out of my og post, but she was complaining about helping me clean my house before my wedding. I later found out that she told my dad that I had moldy dishes in the sink and that was humiliating. I said it hurt a lot when I learned she brought it up again as part of her argument why I should watch the dogs. She sarcastically said "oh so I'M the villain".

I said "I feel like from what I have gathered from my parents this past week that you think I'm sabotaging this vacation because I'm jealous that I can't go. And if you think that, you really must not know me, and that hurts." and she said with the same rude tone as earlier, "I must not know you because that is 100% what I think."

My eyes welled up because I felt like she had just suckerpunched me, and she looked at me and said "Here comes the temper tantrum".

I stood up to leave. Then I turned around again and said over everyone yelling my name to calm down "If you with all your time, money, and resources, decide to not go on vacation, that is your own decision and not because of me." I got the hell out of the house and sat in the car until my husband came out.

She was in my wedding. I have been so happy to have her as my SIL. I have been nothing but loving to her. Now I see she doesn't give a fuck about me. I'm gutted. It's clear that she has zero respect for me and probably never even liked me.

I'm devastated because my family is everything, and I feel like my relationship with my brother will forever be altered. She is not the person I thought she was, and now I'm not only NOT watching the dogs, but I guess I am also accepting that I don't have a sister like I thought I did.