"AITA for making my husband solo parent for 30 minutes a day?"

"AITA for making my husband solo parent for 30 mins a day..."

I just want to preface that my husband is aware I’m making this post. We’re not at each others throats about this, but we’re definitely not in agreement. So I’m 30F and he’s 34m, we have two kids, 1 and 2 years old. I work from home part time, 12pm-5:30pm Monday through Friday.

I also watch our two kids. In the morning they get all my attention, and it’s not too bad, but in the afternoons after their naps when I’m trying to work, keeps them entertained and taken care of it’s quite difficult. We’re actively working on a different solution, but this is what we have to do now.

My husband comes home right around 5:30 when I get off, and I immediately start getting dinner ready. I hate laundry and he hates cooking so we have an agreement that I do all the cooking and he does all the laundry and I don’t mind at all.

The only thing I ask is for him to watch the kids and keep them out of the kitchen for 20-30 mins while I get dinner ready for us all. It’s always a struggle for him, and I know he’s tired after working all day too, but I really need to be able keep them out so they’re safe and I can get it done.

He usually asks for help, when one is fussing or he has to go to the bathroom or whatever. Tonight, I was in the middle of cooking, hands dirty, stove and oven on, and he asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy.

I told him no, that I do this all day by myself AND work, and all I need is 20 minutes to cook for everyone. He got really upset at this saying that’s not fair cause I am home now and I can stop for 5 minutes to help. I finally caved and helped but I feel like it’s not that much to ask for 20-30 minutes to cook.

I want to add that any other time we’re both home we work together letting each other have breaks, time to relax, and both help play and take care of them, the care is very evenly split when we’re both home. So AITA for initially refusing to help my husband with our kids while trying to cook?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

bippityboppitynope said:

NTA. He can handle his own children for 30 minutes. Holy heck the weaponized incompetence. He should be embarrassed.

thesweeterpeter said:

NTA. That's not solo parenting. Thats just parenting. It sounds like he leaves you with the kids a heck of a lot more than 30 mins a day.

Bubbly_Chicken_9358 said:

NTA. Those are his kids, too. It sucks to parent two tiny kids simultaneously by yourself. Sometimes parenting sucks, and he needs to be a full parent, not a helper.

You need to start taking some Saturdays away from your family, leaving your husband alone with the kids. He needs to get comfortable with parenting--and to understand how insane it is that you're doing it WHILE working.

Okdoey said:

NTA. That’s not even being a solo parent for 30 mins. Being a solo parent is taking care of the two kids WHILE cooking the food you are going to feed them dinner. That’s solo parenting. I know...because I’m a solo parent and I do it every day. He can certainly see and care for his own kids for 30 mins a day while someone else is cooking him a nice meal.

bokatan778 said:

NTA. So you’re balancing watching your children solo while working? That by itself is a major problem, but sounds like you’ve got a solution to that coming up. I totally understand your husband wanting a little break after work, but when is your break? You’re working all day too, watching the kids AND working. You manage all day with both kids without any help from him, he can manage for 20-30 minutes.

All that being said, I think having two toddlers is extremely difficult for both parents. You’re in survival mode, and things will get easier. I’m glad to hear you guys aren’t having a major argument over this and are communicating well. Keep that up and remind yourselves that this phase will pass and things will get a lot easier! Hang in there to both of you.

Laines_Ecossaises said:

NTA. This is just sad, what a pathetic father. After an incident like that does he ever acknowledge how hard your days much be? The same two squirmy kids plus trying to do a job? Sorry but is he ever alone with his children? Does he take them for an afternoon so you can do something for yourself. You're a mother of 3, good luck.

Laramila said:

You watch the kids all day, including when you are working, and he can't be assed to watch them for 30 minutes while you cook dinner? NTA, at all.

LesDoggo said:

NTA. It sounds like you have three children. He can parent the children he created while the dinner he is going to eat is being made.