'AITA for making my BF pick between me and his sister after she berated me for being 'inconsiderate'?'
"AITA if I make my boyfriend pick between me and his sister?"
My boyfriend (M28) and I (F28) are living with his parents and sister and ever since we moved in 3 years ago I’ve been making it a point to help and contribute as much as possible.
At first it was watching the sisters kids (6 and 3) and feeding them when I realize it’s past noon and they haven’t been fed and cleaning up after them when they cook because they don’t wash their own dishes they wait for me or his mom to.
I was the only one these past 3 years to clean their bathroom we sometimes share but mainly cause I don’t want the 6 year old to touch the pee and poop they regularly leave on the toilet seat and bowl. I asked them to help me every other week and I’d clean the bathroom as long as they help out and we take turns.
They asked if they would have to clean the whole bathroom for us to take turns or just wipe the counters to take turns. I stated i always clean the toilet to the shower to mop the floor and the counters so I would expect them to also, to which they agreed but never did and that was 5 months ago.
4 months ago we got into an argument because i admittedly forgetful, left a pot of beans on the stove while I was napping and my boyfriend was supposed to wake me but we both slept through the alarm and the pot ran out of water so when they got home the top layer of beans were starting to burn.
She went on to berate me about being responsible and considerate and when I explained how sorry I am and I wouldn’t let it happen again we just had an alarm it just didn’t go off or we didn’t hear it she started yelling about this not being my home and I could just leave but they’re stuck here so have some more respect.
That pissed me off because I do so much around the house and never get so much as a thank you and the one time I admittedly mess up I get scolded at like I’m not a grown woman. We haven’t talked to each other since but have gone to a few baseball games or two for his nephew.
Over the weekend I parked my car in the 2 car garage that now only fits one car because they refuse to organize and clean out their things. I pulled my car out of the garage (was only there less than 24 hours) and my right side mirror is broken completely.
That morning was the morning of their kids baseball game so I’m assuming looking for gear they smashed it which would be completely understandable yet they didn’t say a word and I don’t want to make it even more uncomfortable than it is so I just stayed quite and let bygones be bygones but this is the straw that broke the camels back for me.
Yesterday my boyfriend had a job interview so I took him out to eat and when we got home he immediately offered his sister a sip of my drink. I was annoyed and asked him if he’s not even going to defend me don’t offer them my things especially if I paid for them. he thinks I’m being petty.
I don’t want to get in between him and his family but I also don’t want to be disrespected but maybe I’m making it more than it should be. Am I blowing this out of proportion? AITA for making him pick between me and his sister? I need advice.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
Imaginary_Hornet927 said:
Moving out is the right choice. Either with or without bf. It is her parents house so you will always be on the back burner esp since she has kids. Family is family get out ASAP. NTA.
JeepersCreepers74 said:
Most of your complaints are not sister-specific, they arise from the fact that you are living in another family's house and they don't run it the same way you would if it were yours. (And as for the "one time" you messed up by leaving the stove on while you went to sleep, you put everyone in potential danger, it was a bigger deal than a messy house.)
The solution is not to cause conflict in the house you're living in by telling your BF it's you or sis. The solution is for you and BF to move into your own place and you will find most of this conflict goes away.
toomuchswiping said:
You two are almost 30 years old and have been living with his family for the last three years? WTF? Do either of you work? why aren't you independent?
You problem isn't the sister. You problem is where you live and why you live there. Why can't you and your BF live on your own? Why are you willing to be everyone's maid in this house? ESH.
OP responded:
We moved in to save money I got laid off last year and have been working a baby sitting job and estate sales on the weekend and graphic design commissions on the side. I managed to save up 5k before being laid off but with car troubles and my boyfriend quitting his job were just not in the best position to give up such cheap rent.
I want to go off on my own but don’t make enough at the moment for it to be smart and comfortable and I’m scared to give up the stability of I’m being honest
UnionStewardDoll said:
Your boyfriend quit his job with nothing lined up? He's 30 & he moved his girlfriend (you) into his parents' house 3 years ago?
I don't see a bright future for you with this guy, especially given his sister's resentment of you. This dude is too old to be mooching off his poor parents, but it is what it is. Don't expect him to ever defend you; he can't afford for his parents to kick him out. If you move out, do it alone. Otherwise, you will find yourself carrying this dead weight for the rest of your life.
Maybe you can find a living situation where you stay with a senior citizen and do housework in exchange for a cheap or reduced rent?
misstiff1971 said:
Get the heck out of that house. You are treated as a servant.
Your boyfriend doesn't prioritize you.
And thatgirlshaun said:
Oh. So he quit his job without a new job while you were laid off? So he could, what, live off of you and his family?
I’m sorry you’re stuck. Do YOU have a sister or a friend that would let you crash until you get on your feet?
OP responded:
I have been paying for most since this happened but I wouldn’t say he’s trying to live off anyone. No I have been on my own since I was 16 so with the economy how it is and my job not being the most dependable and stable ( I nanny and freelance) admittedly the stability is nice