"AITA for making my daughter use dollar store shampoo and conditioner?"

My wife and I have 3 daughters. Oldest is 16, middle is 14, and youngest is 10. My entire family and my wife’s family all has straight hair. My oldest and youngest also have straight hair. Then there’s my middle with curly blonde hair and green eyes. The rest of the family has brown hair and brown eyes.

I admittedly am not very close with her because I had doubts that she was mine and I had a hard time bonding with her due to that. My middle daughter insists that she needs special shampoo and conditioner because of her curly hair. She found some that wasn’t too expensive so I bought it for her, but she goes through the conditioner like water.

She came to me after a little over a month and said that she needed another bottle. I told her she doesn’t and that her conditioner should last her at least another month but probably longer but she insists that you need to use a lot of conditioner for curly hair. I bought her another bottle and told her to use less because she wasn’t getting another one for at least two months.

She used it again in a month so I bought her shampoo and conditioner from the dollar store. She had a meltdown about how this is going to ruin her hair and that she just got it to a place where she liked it and it was manageable (she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair, even though it’s not different than straight hair).

She even threatened to shave her head, which I know she won’t do because she’s obsessed with her hair. Now she’s refusing to speak to me and she’s being extremely disrespectful to me and my wife. My wife thinks we should give in but I think she needs to learn her lesson. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

lihzee said:

YTA. Wow. Yes, women with curly hair do need a different type of shampoo and conditioner. Dollar store shampoo is likely going to damage her hair. Also, do you not understand how traits are passed on? Was there a reason besides your daughter's physical features that you thought she wasn't yours, causing you to not properly bond with her? You suck, YTA.

AnselaJonla said:

YTA. Curly hair is different from straight hair, and even the most basic of research will tell you this. And it is more difficult and more expensive to take care of.

Confused_Coconut said:

YTA. Curly hair is NOT the same as straight hair! And you know this, you're just being vindictive. If you feel she's not yours, then address this with your wife. Don't take it out on an innocent child. Also, get some therapy.

bitchbehavve said:

YTA. First of all, even if she wasn't yours, it's a dick move to blame a kid. Second of all, you said you weren't poor and what she needs isn't so expensive, so what's the problem here? Would it kill you to buy what your daughter needs? Just wow. I wonder what other things the poor girl has to go through if you're making such a big deal out of conditioner.

One commenter asked OP, "Are you poor? Is money really tight for you?"

And OP replied: "No."

Two weeks later, OP shared this heartbreaking update:

My middle daughter ran away a couple days after I posted my original post. We found out she had been planning this for months. My oldest daughter was in on it and helped her hide the fact that she’s been working after school for months. She taught her how to hide her money and showed her what to put in her bag and where to hide it.

When they were leaving for school, my middle daughter had a new backpack. My wife asked about it and middle said that it was her friend’s but she didn’t want it so she gave it to her, which was completely plausible considering that friend gives her stuff all the time. A couple hours later we got a call from the school saying that my middle daughter wasn’t there.

My wife came home and checked her room and she found a note on her dresser saying that she couldn’t handle living with me anymore. My wife has a sister around 45 miles away and our middle daughter showed up to her house after being missing for 3 days. She refused to go home and threatened to run away again if she tried to make her see us.

At first my wife told me to move out so our middle daughter could come home but she quickly realized that she can’t afford to live in our house on her income alone, plus our oldest and youngest deserve to have their parents together, so middle is going to stay with her aunt until we figure out a plan that works for everyone.

Oof.